Stressed

[trisha0612]

I'm completely stressed out...I have a pretty big immediate family. Lots of nieces and nephews and it's wonderful. The one problem...they are always really struggling for money! We've always been fine growing up, but now my parents are retired and trying to pay 2 mortgages..so they are actually back to working so they can afford it! As for the rest of them..well my sister..MOH, just got pregnant again...she just got a divorce which has left her kind of empty handed..and I know she doesn't have much. I don't mind this..but my mom has me worried that they will not be able to pay for this at all. Like they can't save up for it...or shall I say won't. Last year they saved and saved plenty of money to take all of the kids and them to DisneyWorld, and of course my mom (Grandma) spoiled the kids rotten..which she should! But I know my parents can't afford to foot the bill for everyone right now and I guess I'm feeling selfish that I'm putting my family out like this. Am I even making sense I've wanted this for so long....but having my family is so important. Me and Trav have been so excited for this...and things are already rolling. I didn't realize how big of a problem this is until now.......everyone seemed fine when we first started the planning!

 

 

AHHHHH.......I've been balling my eyes out and can't stop....they are making me feel terrible......

[trisha0612]

By the way..when I say this I mean....My wedding....

[StephanieMN]

Oh shoot--sorry you feel stressed. I guess you have to decide what is important to you and try not to regret what you are doing for your wedding. Make a list of the pros and cons to having your wedding on the beach and make sure you choose what makes you happy. You are Never going to please everyone so why not make you and your FI happy?

[starchild]

Okay here I go sounding cold again, but as it is your wedding it should be your way without any guilt. If it is within their power to save the money I'm sure your parents will be there. If they simply can't afford it, can you save the money to pay for them?

 

Try not to cry (I know it's hard) and remember that weddings are about the commitment and love between two people. My family is very large and important to me and a lot of them didn't make the trip to our Mexico wedding either. It means nothing in terms of my marriage and the love between my husband and I. Guests - even family - are a bonus. I hope you feel better soon )

[Birdie07]

I know how you feel. When we first decided we got so excited. Then we started telling people. Immediately it went downhill. People were getting angry b/c they couldn't afford it or thought it would be too expensive and so on. I called it off for a while. Then someone said you can't please everyone. And I finally said I WANT A BEACH WEDDING.

 

No matter where I do it someone wasn't going to be happy. Everyones fine now except my best friend. She won't let me send her an invitation b/c she say that like dangling something she can't have in front of her. That hurt. She barely talks to me now and when we do I can't mention my wedding plans b/c she always turns it to "When I get married I'll make sure everyone can come". I'm having 2 receptions one in my FI hometown and one in mine but she's still mad. I'm just trying to get over it. Oh well.

[gkashmira]

Well your wedding is over a year away. I think if it's really important for you to have your parents there then maybe you can find them lower priced accomodations? Maybe they could rent a condo and split it with another family or couple? I don't know much about Tulum but I know in Cabo this is aften way cheaper than the hotels. Then all they have to do really is save up enough for the plane tickets. they have a year to save - I think it can be done.

 

Is it possible that they are trying to guilt you into having a wedding in town by pretending like they wouldn't go? Everybody's parents are different - you know if they mean it or not... please try not to cry - it will all be ok!

[Alyssa]

that is tough - it really comes down to if you and FI are ok getting married without them all there - if you are, then keep moving forward and accept that maybe some will be able to make it and try not to 'expect' anyone to go.

 

if you are not ok with it then you really need to re-consider their 'financial abilities'.

 

we knew we wanted a destination wedding and did an inventory of who we considered critical to being there but couldn't afford to do it (even if they saved up they had higher priority expenses to pay down, etc) so we found a place where we could afford to pay for those people b/c them not being there was not an option for us and we knew that on their own we could not in good conscious 'force' the cost upon them.

 

good luck and just make sure that you and FI stay on the same page and it will all work out!!!!!

[boscobel]

I have a similar situation - my sister's husband left her and the two kids (now 3.5 and 1.5) last December. It is VERY important to me that they be there with me. Matt and I are paying for them to be there with us. My mom and dad originally were not planning on coming b/c they "can't afford" it. I tried to see how I would feel about having a traditional wedding, and I just would not be happy about it. I also tried to think about how I would feel without my parents there, and that would totally suck, but I'd be on the beach and that is where I wanted to get married. I decided that my parents would do what is best for them, but I had to so what's best for ME. I didn't want to look back on my wedding day as another day that was about them. (The story for why they can't afford it is a little deeper and has to do with my problem brother, but I am not going to go into that here.) So I decided, after all the years of them doing and paying for everything for my brother, if they wanted to be there for me, then great, if not, then that's great too. I don't know if this helped at all, but I agree with Jamy - you need to do what YOU want, b/c you don't want to look back at your wedding and have regrets.

 

Oh, and they are coming now, so it's all working out.

[DreamsTulumBride]

How about trying to tell them (in a very delicate way) to put some $$$ away every month ...that will give them 1 year to save up for your wedding.

 

What about a 4 day weekend? That should cost less for them? The plane ticket will be the same price but they can save on the hotel price.

 

We are going to Dreams Tulum for 2 weeks, as well as my parents, But my brothers, my in-laws and my cousin are only staying for 1 week. Also, both my brothers will not be at the resort (they took a less expensive hotel).

 

You have 1 year to go, I am sure they can manage to same some $

[trisha0612]

I know that getting married on a beach is what I want for my wedding. i know that my parents will be there, I just feel like I'm being selfish by asking them to pay all of this money. me and FI talked last night and said, for my parents, we would save money and help them out! Everyone else..I'm not sure of! Is Dreams expensive? I saw some prices for hotel room for a night..like $300, but is that per person? Does that include the IA? I have no idea! I do plan on offering them other options! THen my brother tells me that since it's on Friday, he's not sure if he can GET OFF OF WORK!! IT'S A YEAR AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I guess if others can't be there...well....I will have to deal! I will save as much money as I can to help them out as much as I can! But let's keep in mind..I'm a TEACHER! I make $4/year it feels like! lol

 

Thanks so much for your support ladies!!!

 

Why do people have to be SO rude all of the time