Destination Weddings and Disappointment

[breeburns]

i think everyone goes through it, but like you, I'd love it if people would say no sorry i can't come, I don't even need excuses! 

the crummiest thing we have dealt with that you may also see is people who say no sorry can't make, no extra money. then about a month before the wedding we had my fiancés best friend who we gave an opportunity to have $400 off his trip (we had someone cancel for health reasons and the deposit was non refundable but it was transferrable) say no sorry still can't come. then we find out he just came back from the dominican...wtf serious? don't tell me its a money thing then. that was insulting. but my cousin did the same thing except he went 15 mins from our resort after giving the whole, I can't take a holiday this year,  have no money. 

 

I think people forget about Facebook or something. I just wish people would tell the truth, or just say no flat out. I would have been less offended!
 

good luck and don't let it bother you. All that matters is that you and your fiancé are there, which is one of the biggest things I think we all learn while planning a destination wedding  

[SunsetLove]

I am totally in the same boat as you, sister! My family was really not supportive of our decision to get married in Mexico. My grandparents even told my Dad behind my back that they would definitely not be attending if that is what we chose. Funny enough, they travel all over the world! They were in Norway when we got engaged for God's sake and can't make a 2.5 hour flight to Mexico for their granddaughter's wedding? Well - guess who is booked now?! I mean what was the purpose of being an a-hole about it if you were going to book anyways???

 

We had a really hard time getting people to actually contact our travel agent and book their trips...as of now we have 22 people coming with us but I have a feeling we are going to have a cancellation. My best friend/FI's sister and her husband were the last ones to book (Even though she is the matron of honor!!) and they still haven't gotten their passports! WTF! People just amaze me...

 

Wow, sorry for the rant...just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! Just try not to let it get to you because your wedding day will be awesome and amazing no matter what!

[Krs398]

oh man girls! good vent session here! at first when i decided to do a DW, his family was against it and said they wouldn't come if we went through with it and after talking with his mom, i made her feel bad so now they're coming and I got my way! Then right after that, I felt awful like i was making everyone come and a lot of family can't even come because they can't afford it so I felt bad for my mom since those are her sisters.  But now, 2 months out, I am fully confident that I made the right decision and I don't care what anyone says anymore. All my friends and family are super excited and that makes me feel good! This is happening and it has been my dream all my life and it's finally coming true!! His family is still complaining and won't even bring it up when we get together. Now they are slowly asking questions (negative questions, like 'can we leave the wedding early or do we have to wait for us all to get on the boat? or is there a faster boat to get out there because we get seasick.. i'm like OMG suck it up!!! i dont care if you're seasick! take some pills! lol). And just found out that they want to leave a few days earlier to come home.. i'm like WTF? what is the big deal? Yes, they've never traveled before, but i guarantee they will enjoy themselves sooo much while they are down there! i don't care what they have to say anymore.. it is jus so annoying and never ending. i would not be surprised if they cancelled last minute.  But cheers to our wedding days ladies! 

[janette34]

We were fortunate that we had 35 guests book and no major complaints just annoying questions like "will I get shot at the airport" and "can I leave my room at the resort".  Seriously people just b/c it dangerous in part of the country doesn't mean the complete other side of the country is dangerous too!  What I have found annoying is that no one really took the wedding seriously, my bachorlette party was only planned less than a week before we left and no one bothered with gifts and since the wedding we received about 4 cards.  I did not get married for the gifts but come on how hard is it to at least congratulate us.  My other complaint was while we were at the resort no one seemed to care that it was our day, for example after the reception a shuttle came to pick us up and everyone jumped on and left me and my husband standing there - shouldn't we get priority?  Sadly after having a few too many drinks I loudly made a comment about this and eventually a few people got off to make room for me, the dress, all the flowers and extras we were carrying.  That really annoyed me - here we are with our arms full of things and everyone thought it was completely ok to think only about themselves and not offer to help or let us take their spots on the shuttle.

[Amanda Gardner]

Good luck to everyone. I guess this is why there are so many Bridezilla shows. Our families and friends push us there.

Thankfully both of our families have been very supportive.

[Antigua14]

 I am not getting married in Mexico however, love this vent session. Same here " Oh beach, all inclusive, yeah we're there" and now it's not many. I was doing a destination wedding b/c I couldn't afford nor did I really want a big wedding here.  My own FATHER is not coming!  He says he's to old for travel. Yes, he is up there in age but really?  He knows nothing about my wedding. We don't even talk about it.  I'm too hurt to talk to him about it.  I agree with what you're saying. If you can't come then fine, just let me know.  I have  had 2 bridesmaids back out. One in January and the other still dodging my phone calls to avoid the topic. Her sister contacted me at work to tell me she didn't think her sister was going to be able to come. And this is the same bridesmaid who gave me a  hard time about their dresses!  As you can tell still a little pissed off about this.   Some days come and I ask myself can anything go right?  

[Gin Bootles]

you cant win either way you look at it.. there will always be someone upset.. i am in the EXACT same position.. and yet WE DONT EVEN HAVE A DATE YET!!! everyone and their mother makes me feel like crap that i want to consider doing a destination wedding.. they feel it is selfish that i would make someone pay to come to my wedding.. also i thought this would be fun.. when i was growing up we never went on family vacations.. heck my parents NEVER had a honeymoon, they just bought a house instead.. i look at weddings where i live.. and just for the church it is about 1700 bucks.. and i love the church, but then you got the hall, min 200 people with 25 bucks a plate.. yeah that is wayyyyyyy pricey.. this is my first marriage and his second.. his sister got offered 10000 bucks for her wedding.. they didnt have to pay for anything, not their engagement rings, the wedding bands, the dj, the dress NOTHING!!!! yet i get jack squat for ours! i am not really mad, i dont want people to dictate my wedding, but come on! if i had 10000 bucks i could make everything myself and spend about 5000! and have a honeymoon in there. i thought this destination wedding thing was a good idea.. but with all the family drama i am not sure it is worth it anymore. we havent even set a date yet, and people are just upset already.. i have heard people are disappointed, that i should do what i want, it is my wedding.. yet i get no support at all.. i just want to run away and get married, but at the same time i want my father to walk me down the aisle. idk i thought i was doing a great thing... but apparently what i want at my wedding truely doesnt matter at the moment.. and ohhh dont even get me started on my sister in law.. and her NOT standing up in our wedding.. that is another chapter.. man i could go on for hours!

[LPerry]

I totally feel you! My sister, who is my matron of honor (and ONLY attendant) announced she was pregnant right after we picked our date. She's due 7 weeks before the wedding and we've had several meltdowns over it. She had major anxiety about should she come...should she bring the baby...will her husband let her come...is she going to be able to leave the baby...can she pump while she's there....is she going to healthy enough to travel...is she going to have stiches...what if the baby wont latch when she comes home....every single excuse in the book. I was so upset. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't change my date. It finally took my FI bringing me down to earth and calming me down. I was eventually able to look at her point blank and say, this is my date. I have a stepson to consider, and this is when he can come. I need a commitment from you. Either yes, you're coming (barring any emergency with the baby), or you're not. I need to know b/c if you aren't coming, I need to make other arrangements. She finally conceded and is going. Although we're getting married in less than 3 months and she hasn't booked her room. A few people have come to me and said...look I want to be there, I just can't. Two of my cousins are also pregnant and can't travel that month. One aunt just finished skin cancer treatment on her head and can't go near a beach/pool/lake. One friend's husband was laid off. And then there are the a-holes who just don't talk about it b/c they don't want you to call them out on the fact that they won't come to Cancun, but just got back from Europe and NY and are carrying around a new LV handbag.

 

Funny thing is...just in the last three weeks, I've had a few random people tell me they've booked...or are really trying to get the funds together to go...and these are people who aren't exactly my BFF's...just good friends who I kind of felt obligated to send an invite to. It's going to be a small group and we're finally fine with that. It really lowers my overall costs at the resort b/c we don't have to pay for a full reception which is fine. We're having a big blow out party back home when we get back. I think as we get closer...we just have to say, it is what it is. It's our day...and we just have to focus on what's important and not get caught up in who is or is not there.

Originally Posted by Antigua14 

 I am not getting married in Mexico however, love this vent session. Same here " Oh beach, all inclusive, yeah we're there" and now it's not many. I was doing a destination wedding b/c I couldn't afford nor did I really want a big wedding here.  My own FATHER is not coming!  He says he's to old for travel. Yes, he is up there in age but really?  He knows nothing about my wedding. We don't even talk about it.  I'm too hurt to talk to him about it.  I agree with what you're saying. If you can't come then fine, just let me know.  I have  had 2 bridesmaids back out. One in January and the other still dodging my phone calls to avoid the topic. Her sister contacted me at work to tell me she didn't think her sister was going to be able to come. And this is the same bridesmaid who gave me a  hard time about their dresses!  As you can tell still a little pissed off about this.   Some days come and I ask myself can anything go right?  

[Oct 2012 Bride]

KayCee thanks for your review. That really helped. I understand what you all are going through. We started with a small guest list for this reason but it has really shrunk. But you know what screw it. I'm at the point where if you come you come. If you don't oh well. I won't miss anyone while I'm basking in the sun enjoying the time of my life with my future hubby. My little brother really pissed me off this weekend. Because he really feels like his lame excuse is a good enough reason for not coming to the wedding. And to add insult to injury he had the audacity to say " statistics say you will get married at least another 2-3 times". After I told him I was only getting married once. But you know what F it. i really don't even care any more. He just better not even try to open his mouth to ask me anything.

[CandyApple13]

I can empathize with you all as well. I feel guilty about the money people will spend, but I think about all the weddings I traveled to -- some DWs and some just because the location was far from where I live. And I have spent a lot of $$ on these past weddings. I know half these people won't come. I have been a bridesmaid 10+ times and I chose not to have any bridesmaids at all, thinking that would be easier on my friends moneywise. We still have 5 months so no official excuses yet, but we'll see. On the bright side, I think planning it with the wedding community in RM has been a wonderful experience so far. We all need to focus on our day and pending marriages. Stop the guilt and don't feel like your wedding is an imposition on others (easier said than done I know). It's sad when others don't share our excitement but be truly grateful for those that do.