Destination Weddings and Disappointment

[shes2013]

I wish I had seen this earlier. I like knowing I'm not alone in how i'm feeling, although I'm at the point I'm starting to think I regret my decision to even have my DW. I'm booked. My parents & FI parents are all booked, and so is my MOH. So I can't change that now. I should be happy right? I am, don't get me wrong I appreciate all that & they are the ones that mean the most. However same thing as most of you, all my friends/bridal party was so excited, and we even asked - "We are thinking of a dw, we want to know if you think you can come?" - All responses, yes we can come we won't miss it for the world & some even said we guarentee we will be there!! I was talking with my bridesmaids at the point where i hadn't booked, and they said we are not booking until you book, so right after you do we will. I went home & booked. Guess what? That was 3 months ago, and they are still not booked. They have plenty of time, but  slowly they are dwindling.. no longer being able to afford it, and i'm even worried my moh put her deposit in, but i have this gut wrenching feeling when it comes time to pay her full amount she will back out. It's just become so hard, that the ones I thought we could count on are just not. I know in the end I'll be happy with the decision & my FI but right now, Im just very distraught & feel like nothing is coming together.

[alexisinjamaica]

It's still a bit early for my guests to book, but I am worried about this happening to me as well. Everyone so far has been very gung-ho about the whole thing but you just can't believe it until you see it and they actually pay and show up. I'll be happy with whoever comes, because I care more about marrying my FI and having an awesome vacation than I do about the drama of who can and can't go and whatever lame excuses they have, but I admit I'll be sad to not have many people see me in my dress if not many friends and family show up! Guess I'll just have to get creative about when I can wear it again if that happens.
 

Good luck to all of you ladies who are in this boat right now and I'm sure everything will work out and you'll still have beautiful days!!

[shes2013]

I know I wish everyone could just be up front and honest. Yes, my feelings may get hurt, but in the long run I would much rather know if you were truly going to be there or not. It would make my planning a hell of alot easier! That way I'd know how much of everything to get & or make! I want to start planning, but feel with this "no shows" I don't want to plan too much.

[CourtBestBride]

Hey Ladies!!!

Stick in there! I posted in this thread earlier...going through all the same problems. Dealing with so much family and friend drama! I honestly thought we would have max 30-40 all said and done! We had so many negative comments about price and people were avoiding us so much. BUT all the deposits are now paid, and we have some last minute people coming and we are at about 70+ people! I couldn't be happier! In the end people still wanted to come and that makes me so happy! It was very unexpected!

So I think people just need time to sit on it and really think about price and vacation time.

All that matters is the bride and groom, anyone else is an added bonus

[maridr2012]

3 weeks after my RSVP date and I still haven't gotten definite yes or no's from about 40 guests.  I ended up sending a few guests very direct emails/text messages, asking them to simply give me a yes/no by X date so that i can give accurate # to the resort and for my own planning purposes. I ended each one as nicely as I could, stating something to the effect of "We would've loved to see you there but at this point your lack of response leaves us no choice other than to assume you will not be able to join us, and we have to move forward with planning without your headcount.  If you decide to join us as the date approaches, please let us know as soon as you can so we can try to add you to our headcount and ceremony and reception space as size is limited, but please know this is not guaranteed and after we submit all our plans this is not guaranteed".  End with a sad smiley face.  

 

Honestly, I'm so over the what ifs, last minute guests, I'll let you know if we can make it, people ignoring us and disappointing us, the guilt trips, etc.  I'm actually a Supply Chain Planner in my career, which means this is what I do for a living....I plan ahead...I buy supplies, submit production orders, and work with manufacturers/vendors to produce goods MONTHS in advance. So...you can imagine why this is such a big deal for me.  Big sigh.  I submitted my #s on Monday to the resort, I'm going out this weekend to buy more stuff for OOT bags, decorations, etc.  I am done, done, and DONE.    I tried my best to make it as easy as possible for all guests, and now I'm going to try and be all smiles from here on out...there's only so much a gal can do..I did my best, and now the ball is rolling!!!  Best of luck to all!

[LPerry]

Ok, so since I started this thread, I feel I need to chime in since I just got married on Saturday. Yes, I'm typing this from my honeymoon hotel room. We ended up having 8 additional people with us, and I will tell you right now, it was PERFECT. We were able to spend time with each of our guests. We weren't wrapped up in trying to plan a million activities. I was able to buy great gifts for everyone who came (beach bags, swimsuit cover ups, and plastic insulated cups w/lids to use the entire trip) We had a simple, small wedding and small dinner at one of the restaurants. At one point my husband and I said, "Aren't you glad we didn't have more people here?" We had a perfect group - everyone got along. Everyone had a great time. And even better....we sparked new friendships between our guests who didn't know each other. The most important people were there. The funny thing is, they all kind of admitted they put off booking, but that they were so glad they came. On top of that....we all decided we're going to vacation again together b/c we had so much fun. Even my sister, who just had a baby, and had so much anxiety about coming had a wonderful time. She even said, "Now that I'm here - I just want to relax and help you and have a good time in Mexico"

 

The bottom line is, don't let it ruin your day or your destination wedding experience. Yes, it hurts your feelings when people say they're coming and they flake out. We had several people bail for "better vacation opportunities". It just really shows you who you are important to. I have solidified my relationships with the people who came here with me. Honestly, looking back on it, I wish I hadn't stressed so much. I was able to marry the sweetest, cutest man I know....and that moment up there with him was the whole reason I did this. Everything else was a beautiful extra. When it's all said and done....you just shrug your shoulders and say...."Wow, you really missed a great time" and it's their loss.

 

My best wishes go out to each of you as you continue to plan. I hope each of your days is as wonderful and filled with love as mine was.

 

XOXO

Lucy

[newloves1975]

I'm so glad I found this thread, I'm in the same boat as many of you.  At least there are people out there who are going through what I'm going through and feel as depressed as I do.  

I moved to Texas from PA, and I'm literally getting it from both ends.  Before I put the deposit down, or sent the Save the Dates I had so many people saying how great of an idea it was to get married on the beach, it will be so beautiful, etc, etc. Now everyone is just so busy, they don't have the money, there's too much crime in Mexico, we have all heard this same story.  It just still baffles me how the same people who were so excited about the DW and said they wanted to come are the same people that NOW want me to spend MY money, and use all of MY vacation time from work to come to their city for MY wedding!  Do people realize that I can only take so many days off of work per year? Do they realize that if I chose to have my wedding where it was convenient for them that I would sacrifice my honeymoon?  We all seem to have the desire to make everyone happy and that is just not possible. At this point I almost wish we decided to go to Mexico and get married with just the 2 of us. I feel like it would have been much less stress.

[Gingerhead]

We are experiencing the EXACT same thing.... its so frustrating!

We gave both of our large families 2 YEARS to save and plan. When we tried to get our group booking organized, some family members didn't bother to book by the deadlines and some even decided to stay at another resort because it would save them a couple dollars. We don't even know if my fiance's brother (who he has asked to be his best man) will even come yet. It's pretty disappointing to find out this way how much people really care.

I hope your wedding turned out well, I'm just praying that ours will go off without a hitch or family drama.

[mandjphoto]

We got married almost two years ago on the beach on Cozumel, one month after we moved here. We had about 30 friends and family come from the US, Mexico and Argentina. Before my beautiful bride walked down the beach with her parents, I looked around the small group that surrounded me and realized that most of the people who mattered most in our lives were there. That was a wonderful feeling.

 

The other best thing about the destination wedding is that your pain-in-the-butt cousin probably won't come.

 

My advice? Don't worry, concentrate on enjoying your experience and the people who make the effort to share it with you.

[Danie]

I thought this post was a great post. I think all of us go through this. I am going through this now. It's funny when its 1 year or more before the wedding everyone is going. As its not only 8 months away, I still have a large number of definites but there are quite who few who I feel like aren't able to go and just won't say it. the part I can't get the most is, if you can't afford it or don't want to attend I completely understand. BUT JUST SAY IT PEOPLE. The reaslity is as one drops another comes and to be honest I could care less if you come or you don't. Either way my day is going to go and its going to be a wonderful vacation for all who do come.