Are some of your friends and family avoiding you since you mentioned a DW?

[maridr2012]

I wont start asking them until a few days after my RSVP..but I can't really sit around and wait either.  See, the thing is, that a good portion of these people all said they would absolutely 100% go...which I know is very common and then folks flake out for one reason or another.  But..we have 125 guests invited.  Our reception space only holds up to 70 people, anything more than that, then we have no choice but to move it to another space - the ballroom which I didnt like at all when I had my site visit.  Of the 125 people, we think about 55-65 will more than likely go and they just haven't gotten around to sending us the RSVP and booking their stuff.  But...if another 5-10 people decide last minute to go, we're SCREWED.  That completely changes everything.  Not to mention, we have a group contract for the resort rooms, our payments to the resort start in August, etc. If it were just as easy as saying, Oh well, if you can go great if you cant let us know than that's fine too whatever....then I wouldn't be sweating all of this.  But, given all these little constraints (and all the other crap, like buying enough OOT bags & item to fill them with, favors, etc. which I dont want to waste extra $ on and then have to bother with trying to sell extras)...as you can imagine its VERY FRUSTRATING.

 

Honestly, I wish I could just call these people up and scream, "STOP BEING SUCH A F*ckin Flaker and just tell us yes or no!!!".

 

On another note, that really blows about your husban'ds family not even acknowledging or congratulating you guys on the wedding & marriage.  That's extremely rude.  And I would do the same thing when their special events and holidays roll around..give them the same treatment.  I know people always want to say, "Oh don't stoop to their level and take the high road"...but you know what?  Things like that are extremely hurtful, and I don't think people get it until they are treated the same way they treat others.  

[monicak]

Wow - are you talking about my aunts & uncles.  Got married last July, not even a Congrats at Xmas for getting married!  Oh well, I'm saving lots of $$$ not going to graduation parties or showers.  Ladies, you are not alone if you are experiencing this!  ***From my experience, if you don't hear back from people, they are NOT going.  If someone is planning on going, they will reach out to you with tons of questions and let you know to count them in!  Don't stress this!  Just plan with the number of people who have confirmed.  xo

[wallabymeisje]

i invited 309 and still have over 100 people who have not rsvp i dont care if you are coming or not im assuming your not because it is 10 hours away for almost everyone on the guest list but just tell me one way or another... i agree the avoidance thing gets old real quick

[MrsLtoBe]

i know i haven't posted much on these forums. i usually read through them to feel better about certain situations. the funny thing is that in my situation, it was that one close friend who was very supportive and completely on board about a destination wedding that has totally completely cut me out of her life since october. i got engaged in april and she constantly called and asked if she could research things for me so that i could narrow down our destination wedding location. however since the end of october, i've yet to hear from her. i know that life can't be that busy since she's posted several times on facebook. i figure if you have time to post on facebook, you should be able to return a phone call, an email or a text - but maybe i'm just expecting way to much. at this point, i'm assuming she's not coming to the wedding. i sat long and hard for about 2 weeks on her invitation - i couldn't decide whether or not to send it. in the end, i mailed it - figured that i would not let the relationship go to the wayside on my account. we'll see if i get a response from her.

my thing is, that i completely understand if you can't make it. i wouldn't stop talking to her if she decided to let me know that she couldnt' make it. i know that life happens and sometimes other priorities come up and they are more important than going on vacation to attend someone's wedding. i'm not upset about that. i'm upset at the fact that i've gotten no response from her from my numerous voicemails, texts, emails.

[catgirl]

My thoughts are all jumbled right now and I am pretty hurt thinking about some of the conversations I have had with "friends" over the past week or so.  I just finished the ticket jackets for the invitations and making 120 jackets gives one time to think.

 

I am getting ready to mail invites today and I am thinking long and hard about who I really truly want to send them to.  

 

My fi has his friends, I have my friends and we have mutual friends.  We know from his family side that his mum, a friend of hers and his dad are attending for sure.  We have some of his friends who have booked the hotel.  We have some of our friends together that have booked the hotel as well.  My mom and stepdad are attending for sure.

 

The bridal party (only 4 people, 2 on each side) - 2 have booked and 2 will book.  That I am not worried about.

 

However, when I think about my friends (that I was friends with before my fi and have known a long time), I have a feeling that only one of them will actually make an attempt to go.  I have been fielding calls from these friends of mine over the course of the past week (they knew I was working on the invites) with excuses of why they can't attend.  Just got off the phone with another friend of mine having the same exact conversation.

 

The excuses range from money (which I totally understand) to "oh my hubby says Mexico is scary, so we are going to Europe instead" to I can't get the time off from work.  We are actually doing a Thursday - Sunday deal, 2 days off from work.  Super reasonably priced.  Most of my friends are not very well traveled, have not really left the country, and I am not sure they even have passports.  I think that could be a big part of it, who knows for sure though.

 

This is such a far cry from the friends that we have together.  All have passports and are willing to jet off somewhere in a heartbeat (just like us).  

 

I had one friend who can't attend demand I register for gifts so she could be buy me something and that ensued into a spat because we don't want to register.  I told her we did not want to register and especially for things we do not want.  I am sticking to my guns on that.

 

I am so tired of all the negativity around my wedding and it is making me so sad.  I think about the thousands and thousands of dollars that I have spent on my friends and their weddings over the years (I literally spent over $3K last year to stand up in 2 weddings for the same friend and I am getting the excuses too from her for mine) and did so because they were my friends.  I spent tons of hours helping them.

 

I feel like when push comes to shove, they are not as good as friends as I thought.  They say they will help and then back out.  The invites have not been sent and I am beseiged by excuses.

 

I am looking at the guest list now and cutting people.  I just don't care.  Am I wring by doing this?  It makes me sad that my "side" of guests will be so small, it looks like I don't have a lot of friends.  Perhaps I don't.

 

Thanks for reading my pity party.  I am glad to know I am not alone.  

[jolene028]

I feel all of you, don't get me wrong we have 40 people that are booked and ready to go and support us, but there are people that we thought for sure were going to come and they are still avoiding us... my FI's dad and step mom didnt book and didnt say a word once we sent out the invitations, they were here at Christmas and I finally asked if they even got the invite! Also my FI's brother who is supposed to be a GM is avoiding us like there is no tomorrow, no text's or emails, and this is from a guy that would stop over twice a week to eat our food and watch TV just stopped talking to us all of a sudden! And friends of ours who we paid an arm and leg to go to their DW 3 weeks after my FI got laid off not a peep from them either!

 

I guess like the rest of you lesson learnt about who is and isnt true friends, and I have given up that the rest of them will say a word... but I am with the majority that I won't be supporting people that can't support me, I just don't have time to maintain relationships when it is so one sided! If you arent or cant go have a little respect and let me know what is the worst that can happen seriously, maybe it will save our relationship becasue you were able to be honest with me and let me know that you cant make it!

 

Or on the Flip side, FI's mom doesnt want to come and has made that more than clear but she loves us so she is going to suck it up and do it although I am sure that we will have to listen to the camplaints for the next 10 months LOL maybe I will take Cue and avoid her until we get to the airport next November LOL

 

Congrats ladies on all the up coming weddings and the ones past!

[Carlota1981]

Yes, it is my situation nowadays! I am getting married in two months and I am still "waiting" my uncle and cousins (his sons) give me an answer. They have not only have told me congratulations but also they have not told me if they are coming or not. I presume not as they have not gone yet to the travel agency to book but c'mmon, how you could behave like this?

 

 

And talking about avoiding... two friends that I invited were really excited to me and happy when I gave them the invitations personally. They were saying inmediatly they were coming. When the TA had the offer for the travel, I sent them an email but one of them has never answered (and this was in January) and the other told me that her husband had probably to work in August (when I discovered it is a lie).

 

Since January I do not know anything about them. I have tried to phone them or send them a whatsapp but never replied. So I decided I was not going to insist them to come to my wedding (and I also was going about to tell them to be my braidsmaid). After all of this, I do not want they are coming! They have showed me they are rude and have no interest at all.... 

 

I never thought that making a DW it was going to show me this type of things. But I am happy to know better who is around me. For another hand, there are other friends that I was not expected to come as they 2guys) are from Italy and living there. So we are not so many in contact as if they live in my city, obvioulsy.  They are great and write me every week emails or whatsapp telling me how exciting they are for coming. 

[SammyAnna]

Unfortunately, there are always people who find reasons to bitch about anything happy. If they don't want to go/ can't afford it... grow a set & just say so. No shame in that. But some people just want to complain behind your back & avoid you at all costs on the other hand, it could be an honest mistake/miscommunication... so I wouldn't freak out until I dealt directly with the dodger lol

[flo628]

I swear, this really shows you who your true friends are. I have literally told people to their faces "if we did not ask you, then we did not want your opinion". So, NO we don't think a wedding at home is better than a DW. NO, we don't think that it's rude to have a DW. NO, we won't be offended if ppl can't afford to come. NO, we don't care if you can't make it, we don't want you there if you don't want to be there....it goes on and on and on...Why can't ppl just be supportive and keep their opinions to themselves? And don't come if you don't want to be there! That's fine with me!

[SammyAnna]

I swear, this really shows you who your true friends are. I have literally told people to their faces "if we did not ask you, then we did not want your opinion". So, NO we don't think a wedding at home is better than a DW. NO, we don't think that it's rude to have a DW. NO, we won't be offended if ppl can't afford to come. NO, we don't care if you can't make it, we don't want you there if you don't want to be there....it goes on and on and on...Why can't ppl just be supportive and keep their opinions to themselves? And don't come if you don't want to be there! That's fine with me!

Well said Flo628!