Really Thinging about writing off one of my so called good friends Before She really drives me carzy

[Oct 2012 Bride]

So I'm only in the begining part of my wedding planning. We've only been engaged for 2 weeks however we started planning a month ago. But now one of my BF's feel like it is her place to critic everything I do and give me her "opinion". It was one thing when she asked if she can copy my about us portion of the wedding website and correct the gramatical errors. I was cool with that since I typed it at 1am. There are bound to be mistakes. However emailing me the corrections with added sentences and taking out the sentences that I had is another thing. It didn't even sound like me. Which I kindly told her. I corrected the 3 words that were wrong, and left it at that.

But today she told me I need to make a public announcement of our wedding plans. People's feelings will be hurt and I need to let them know sooner than later. And make them feel better. WTF!!! For what. Oh and it is improper etiquette for me to hand out invites. It was ok to hand deliver the STD's not the invites. I must mail them and pay extra for stamps. I mean really, who makes up these rules? Let's be real the people that really matter are invited. Everyone else just wants to party, eat and drink on my behalf. We already planned on having an AHR/Party to celebrate with all the people that couldn't make it. But it is going to be pretty casual. Because other wise it will defeat the whole purpose of going over seas to save money. But i get the feeling people want me to spend more money to make them happy. And that is not going to happen. She was upset whrn I told her that I only wanted my mother and sister to come with me to look for gowns. But simply put I don't want any opinionated people with me ruining my dress shoping experience. I've watched enough say yes to the dress to know who that plays out.

 

Then I have the people that are upset because my wedding is not convient for them. Last time I checked it was my wedding. A special day for me and my FI. One person came at me like that and they were not even getting invited. Then my biological father tried to come at me like as well. Honestly I could care less if he comes. He wasn't around to raise me and wasn't in my life growing up so....if you make it, cool. if not. Oh well.

 

Ok that is my rant for now. I love this site. It really has all my needs. From looking, to DIY, to reviews to rants. It doesn't get much better that this.

[JessiTaylor]

 

oh dear. so she has become a self nominated member of the etiquette police. How you react depends on whether you think she is genuinely trying to help... or shes unhappy about something (jealousy, doesnt like your fiance, wants attention on her or whatever) and its spilling over into snarky comments. if she might have good intentions dont call her on it. its pretty standard to go with only your mother and family members to look for dresses, it shouldnt upset her that much! give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she just wants to be involved - maybe assign her something else to do/think about so she stops bothering you haha

 

upset people are pretty standard when you announce you will have a destination wedding - its not convenient, its expensive, the country you picked is dangerous and everyone will die etc etc etc. you just need to learn to say "hey i know its difficult to get to, obviously i would love to have you there on my special day but if you cant come ill completely understand. you can always check out the photos later" with a smile,if they continue you  get firmer by degrees potentially ending up at level 10 - snappy -  which goes something like this -"hey look at my hands, do you see a gun? no? thats because i dont have one pointed at your head and im not forcing you to come. its an invitation - your right to decline or come as you want! but if you come then button it because your miserable comments are annoying me" (ideally there should be several levels between sweet and snappy. but frankly it depends how stressed you are when this conversation starts )

[nancya]

I completely understand where you are coming from. People like to make your wedding about them. Before we decided to do a DW my mom told one of my aunts that I was looking at a place that had american food. Her response was "so we have to eat american food?" (I am chinese/vietnamese) When my mom told me I didn't even know what to say. I told my mom do not tell anyone anything about the wedding. I just don't understand how people can utter words like that without blinking twice. I mean I am paying to feed you so you will eat whatever I give you. 

 

As for your friend, perhaps sitting her down to tell her you want to have a simple wedding? I've said this many times to people and they kind of stop telling you to do this or that. But you will definitely go crazy if she keeps this up.

[Oct 2012 Bride]

You guys are awesome. I know she means well and she is super excited to the point where it gets overbaring. But all the "it's just a suggestion" at the end of everything is making me want to snap back. So I've decided not to discuss anymore details about the wedding planning. Just the need to know stuff. My FI said the same thing about giving her a job. But I was having a hard time finding something that is fact based and not opinion based. Maybe I'll put her over making sure people pay their deposits.

[nancya]

That would be a good idea. Just make sure she doesn't act this way towards your other guests and hound them about paying and if they are going or not =)

[Oct 2012 Bride]

I just send her an email. I made sure it was super sweet and bubbly. I said I know that she is really excited and just wants to help.....blah..blah...blah. Let's see how she reacts, and if she takes the assignments.

[JessiTaylor]

yeah i think its a good way to handle it!

 

on a side note...when i get stressed about wedding stuff, i dont know why but etiquettehell.com really soothes me. its got all these stories about bridezillas, bridesmaidzillas, guestzillas, wedding disasters... for some reason hearing disaster stories makes me feel better haha, and any tension with friends...trust me, it could be way way worse!

[balibride]

oh dear. so she has become a self nominated member of the etiquette police. How you react depends on whether you think she is genuinely trying to help... or shes unhappy about something (jealousy, doesnt like your fiance, wants attention on her or whatever) and its spilling over into snarky comments. if she might have good intentions dont call her on it. its pretty standard to go with only your mother and family members to look for dresses, it shouldnt upset her that much! give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she just wants to be involved - maybe assign her something else to do/think about so she stops bothering you haha upset people are pretty standard when you announce you will have a destination wedding - its not convenient, its expensive, the country you picked is dangerous and everyone will die etc etc etc. you just need to learn to say "hey i know its difficult to get to, obviously i would love to have you there on my special day but if you cant come ill completely understand. you can always check out the photos later" with a smile,if they continue you  get firmer by degrees potentially ending up at level 10 - snappy -  which goes something like this -"hey look at my hands, do you see a gun? no? thats because i dont have one pointed at your head and im not forcing you to come. its an invitation - your right to decline or come as you want! but if you come then button it because your miserable comments are annoying me" (ideally there should be several levels between sweet and snappy. but frankly it depends how stressed you are when this conversation starts )

Gosh I so agree with you Jessie!