Annoying and Rude/Intrusive Questions People Ask

[maridr2012]

Hi all.  I don't think I've seen a thread on this topic, so I thought I'd start one to see if other brides are experiencing what I have been since FI and I got engaged...or if I'm just being overly-sensitive?

 

It seems from the MINUTE we got engaged, alot of people feel the need or think it's okay to ask all kinds of annoying and rude questions.  Questions that I would never dream of asking myself, and frankly I find to be nosy and kinda ballsy!  Below are some examples of questions I've been fielding from some relatives, friends, and even aquaintances, and the responses that I scream in my head.  I always answer back very politely because sometimes they do mean well, but it's just so unnerving especially coming from certain people!

 

Q: When are you having babies?  Will you try to come back with a "honeymoon baby"? 

A:  Why are you so interested in us having babies?  Will you be the one taking care of them, paying childcare, getting me back into shape?  Is it because I'm 31 yrs old, and decided to start my career, unlike you that got married (or sometimes not) and had 2 kids by 23?  Really?  Because I'm not interested in that yet.  But I'll happily let you know when it happens to secure babysitting services from you.

 

Q: How much are you paying for your wedding?

A:  Alot of $.  But less than I'd be paying if we would have a traditional wedding here. But why do you ask, would you like to contribute?  Otherwise, it's none of your business. We'd love for you to attend and share in our happiness (if you're even invited).

 

 

Q: How big exactly is the diamond on your engagement ring?  Did you want a bigger rock?  

A: Ummm...what...is 1.7 carats not big enough?!  Jeez...it's bigger than yours!  

 

Q: I'm being invited, right?  (This usually comes from someone who we have no intentions of inviting).

A:  Umm...no, you're not being invited.  What makes you think you'd be invited?  Did you invite us to yours?  Did you even congratulate us on our engagement, even with a simple phone call or email?  Do you just want to have free drinks and dinner on our penny?  No. You're not invited, sorry.

 

Q: How much did your gown cost you?  Do you have a picture? (this one always comes from the  frenemies)

A:  Probably more than yours.  And no, I'm not showing you a picture.  Why would I show you my dress?  Where's the element of surprise?  

 

These are just a few off the top of my head.  Feel free to add...I have tons more but am curious to see if some of you are dealing with this?

 

[JessiTaylor]

oh this made me laugh =)

ive had a few questions like "when are you having babies? how many do you want?" but what was *much* more annoying to me, is before we got engaged fiances friends would wait until we're in a big gathering and someone (always at least one person!!) would ask "so are you guys going to get engaged/married then?", with everybody staring to see the answer. It was like "well i cant answer that as he hasnt asked me, but thanks for putting me on the spot in front of a large group of people". i dont know what they expected...theyd ask if we were going to get engaged and right then he would drop to his knees and propose? or what? grrrrrr. and now the baby questions are starting!! i have no patience with it

 

people guess from my venue that the wedding is expensive (xcaret eco park) i get questions such as "wow, how much is that costing you then?!" and even worse "who's paying for the wedding?". i just rpely that we dont have any final figures yet (even though we have a very good idea how much it will be1)

Mexican friends also reference random famous people who got married there. i have no idea who paulina rubio is and no,strangely enough as an english woman, a foreign pop star (i think) getting married there did not affect my decision to choose it as my venue hahaha

 

I must admit though, i very discretely asked  a few people i know who got married in mexico where we live and had lovely weddings what kind of budget i would need to use their venue if i did it locally rather than at the beach. Given that it wasnt sheer nosiness they didnt have a problem steering me in the right direction. only very close friends though, i couldnt ask someone i didnt know well.

 

Rather than asking if they were invited, i did have one friend who i lost contact with for a few years (and recently reconnected with) assure me that she would do her best to be there. I didnt point out i hadnt actually invited her hahahaha. And another old friend who i havent seen since high school (so a good 8-10 years) tell me how much she would like to come with her husband

 

ah its all pretty funny really. im not sweating the small stuff =)

[Sheena2011]

We got A LOT of question number 1. And frankly I consider it to be the most insenstive question to ever ask someone, and EVERYONE thinks they have a right to know the answer. I would give the same answer as you - I'm focused on career right now, not really focusing on babies. And you'd think I said I work for Satan. Because all woman that get married MUST want babies RIGHT AWAY, and if they don't, there is something wrong with them.

 

News flash people - not everyone gets excited at the thought of having babies. Some (my personal camp) have decided to prioritize career/marriage/travelling before babies because they believe being happy in a relationship, having a fulfilled life and having a good career base will only benefit if/when children do arrive, as oppossed to "doing it just because you just got married and you should have babies right away." Some people have decided that not having babies is the right choice for them. And some do not have the luxury of even considering whether or not to have babies, and the fact that you would have the gall to ask that question could be extremely hurtful. Can you tell how much I hate that question?

 

My second favorite was "How much did your ring cost?" These are generally the same people that want to know how much you make, which is also none of your business (unless I'm married ot you). Every time I want to be a smart-ass and say "More than your car", but I've never been able to get it out.

 

[maridr2012]

LOL, I'm glad it made you laugh. It is pretty funny, even I can find the humor in it after I walk away.  I too experienced the questions from friends/family at large gatherings on when we'd be getting engaged. This would always end up making me feel like crap, even though I'd pretend it was as if they were asking me what day of the week it was.  Mind you, we were together for over 5 years before he finally asked, and clearly I was at my wit's end about the whole thing and was not feeling good about the situation!  Why would anyone think it's okay to ask that?!  UGH.

 

I sometimes wonder if the folks who mention getting an invitation seriously think they will be getting one, or are they just saying it just for the heck of saying it.  I've kinda rehearsed this line, "Oh..we are having a destination wedding with only our immediate families and a handful of childhood friends or very close relatives.  We will try to plan something for our extended family and friends later on down the road".  I know we aren't.  But that seems to appease them.

Originally Posted by JessiTaylor 

oh this made me laugh =)

ive had a few questions like "when are you having babies? how many do you want?" but what was *much* more annoying to me, is before we got engaged fiances friends would wait until we're in a big gathering and someone (always at least one person!!) would ask "so are you guys going to get engaged/married then?", with everybody staring to see the answer. It was like "well i cant answer that as he hasnt asked me, but thanks for putting me on the spot in front of a large group of people". i dont know what they expected...theyd ask if we were going to get engaged and right then he would drop to his knees and propose? or what? grrrrrr. and now the baby questions are starting!! i have no patience with it

 

people guess from my venue that the wedding is expensive (xcaret eco park) i get questions such as "wow, how much is that costing you then?!" and even worse "who's paying for the wedding?". i just rpely that we dont have any final figures yet (even though we have a very good idea how much it will be1)

Mexican friends also reference random famous people who got married there. i have no idea who paulina rubio is and no,strangely enough as an english woman, a foreign pop star (i think) getting married there did not affect my decision to choose it as my venue hahaha

 

I must admit though, i very discretely asked  a few people i know who got married in mexico where we live and had lovely weddings what kind of budget i would need to use their venue if i did it locally rather than at the beach. Given that it wasnt sheer nosiness they didnt have a problem steering me in the right direction. only very close friends though, i couldnt ask someone i didnt know well.

 

Rather than asking if they were invited, i did have one friend who i lost contact with for a few years (and recently reconnected with) assure me that she would do her best to be there. I didnt point out i hadnt actually invited her hahahaha. And another old friend who i havent seen since high school (so a good 8-10 years) tell me how much she would like to come with her husband

 

ah its all pretty funny really. im not sweating the small stuff =)

 

[maridr2012]

LOL Sheena2011, yes I can def tell you hate that question.  I hate it too.  And yes!  I've gotten the question on how much did my ring cost!  I always have to stop myself from barking at the person, but usually just glare at them instead and mutter, "I don't know, I felt it was rude to ask my fiancee".  But that's the truth, I've never even asked him how much he spent!  I can imagine approximately how much but would never dream to ask him!  So they think I would share that info with them?  I mean c'mon!
 

Originally Posted by Sheena2011 

We got A LOT of question number 1. And frankly I consider it to be the most insenstive question to ever ask someone, and EVERYONE thinks they have a right to know the answer. I would give the same answer as you - I'm focused on career right now, not really focusing on babies. And you'd think I said I work for Satan. Because all woman that get married MUST want babies RIGHT AWAY, and if they don't, there is something wrong with them.

 

News flash people - not everyone gets excited at the thought of having babies. Some (my personal camp) have decided to prioritize career/marriage/travelling before babies because they believe being happy in a relationship, having a fulfilled life and having a good career base will only benefit if/when children do arrive, as oppossed to "doing it just because you just got married and you should have babies right away." Some people have decided that not having babies is the right choice for them. And some do not have the luxury of even considering whether or not to have babies, and the fact that you would have the gall to ask that question could be extremely hurtful. Can you tell how much I hate that question?

 

My second favorite was "How much did your ring cost?" These are generally the same people that want to know how much you make, which is also none of your business (unless I'm married ot you). Every time I want to be a smart-ass and say "More than your car", but I've never been able to get it out.

 

 

[Oct 2012 Bride]

Lol. I just got the when are you having babies question just this past Saturday. And i get the now it's time for you to have babies comment just last week. But seriously, I've been getting the babies question along with the when are you getting married question hand in hand. I have a son that I had at 19. I have refused to have another child out of wedlock. Once was a good enough lesson for me. I learned it very well. I have people upset that we have choosen to spend our money that we go to work every day to make, to have a wedding that is "too far" for them. Or the ones texting me saying that they are expecting an invote. Oh yes I have some things to vent about. I just mailed the save the dates. So I know it will only get worst once people start talking and wondering where their save the date is? I might start a thread because I have been fuming all day.

[maridr2012]

LOL!  I feel your pain.  Hence the reason why I started it.  I was pretty pissed on  Sunday night after dodging bullets (questions) all weekend.  Good luck!
 

Originally Posted by Oct 2012 Bride 

Lol. I just got the when are you having babies question just this past Saturday. And i get the now it's time for you to have babies comment just last week. But seriously, I've been getting the babies question along with the when are you getting married question hand in hand. I have a son that I had at 19. I have refused to have another child out of wedlock. Once was a good enough lesson for me. I learned it very well. I have people upset that we have choosen to spend our money that we go to work every day to make, to have a wedding that is "too far" for them. Or the ones texting me saying that they are expecting an invote. Oh yes I have some things to vent about. I just mailed the save the dates. So I know it will only get worst once people start talking and wondering where their save the date is? I might start a thread because I have been fuming all day.

 

[JessiTaylor]

 

mmm i think people who mention getting an invitation might well be serious. they see it as just taking a holiday with friends i think, rather than a wedding!

 

as for rings - i know some woman pick out the engagement ring themselves, but quite often its chosen by the man - so how on earth do people expect you to know the cost of it?! i mean even if it wasnt horribly rude for them to be asking - do they imagine he proposed and you were like "yes!!" followed by "how much did the ring cost? show me the receipt". i have zero idea how much mine cost, couldnt even give a ballpark estimate. bottom line though, i love it and it doesnt matter to me! people are just weird!

[nancya]

I feel your pain girls. My family (mom and dad have 9 siblings each; all very opinionated and rude) have asked me questions since the moment i told them i wan engaged. I avoid them now to keep myself from getting upset. It's sad but they made it that way. We have gone so far as to keep our destination wedding a secret and only telling people who are invited and telling them to be quiet about it. We are having a "wedding" at home when we get back but it will only be a dinner. Whenever they ask me about it (the rare times i see them) i just smile say i dont know and walk away. We'll see how they react when the find out we had a destination wedding and didnt invite them.

 

I noticed that these questions come from "friends" too. Maybe its just me but I would never ask someone if I am invited to their wedding, it just seems pushy. 

[sgreen99]

LOL that was pretty funny.  I've only been engaged for three weeks so not too much of it yet.

But, the thing that drove me FREAKING INSANE was : "When are you getting married?"  Every family gathering, after every vacation we went on, everytime I would see someone I hadn't in awhile.  Like seriusly? I don't know, turns out I have no control over it and I'd actually like to be engaged to but it's not my choice. Thanks for rubbing it in though!  Just made me feel like crap after awhile, because I didn't realize that my ring I was waiting for took six months to make because it was totally custom.  One of those question askers, as soon as I told her I was engaged, what does she say?? "When are you having babies??"  Come on! I told everyone that I get one year of no pressure or quesitons, LOL.  I got the ring so you can't bug me about that, and I'm not married yet, so you can't bug me about that yet!  Sometimes I think people just don't realize they're actually being really intrusive and insulting sometimes with the questions they ask.

it's nice to hear I'm not the only one!
 

And for the baby question haters: This is terrible but a lady in my office gave me this one:  The next time someone asks, just say "Oh, you didn't hear?   We can't have children..."  It will NEVER happen again!