Wedding doubts?? please help!!

[sunflower100]

Sorry I didn't know the best place to put this thread. I guess the topic isn't too common in these wedding forums..

MY OH and I agreed to get married and booked everything in Feb this year. Wedding is in August 2012. Since then my mother has been so negative that I can't talk to her about the wedding anymore and that has put a downer on everything.

I could handle that on its own but for the last 6-8 weeks my OH has been really bitter and moody about the whole thing saying I have forced him into booking it and we just don't have the money and it's all my fault. He still wants to get married but when we have the money readily available. I asked him if we should postpone and he said he would rather not if we didn't have to, but then bit my head off saying we should never have booked it in the first place.

I haven't had a single positive thought about the wedding for about 2 months now and can't help but feel that postponing indefinitely is the right way to go.


Invites aren't out yet and I wont lose much in the way of deposits. The only thing that cannot be postponed is the dress as it is too close to final payment so i will have to still pay for it and have it made.

I read online that, if you have been having doubts or feelings of dread for longer than a month you should postpone. I am just worried as OH already thinks I'm selfish for booking the wedding, now he'll think I'm selfish for postponing it.

Please help, I'm going crazy here!

 

 

[deniden]

If you are having doubts and money is an issue - postpone. Don't get married because you think you have to, you should be doing it because you want to.

[ntlsnow]

100% AGREE with deniden.

 

Originally Posted by deniden 

If you are having doubts and money is an issue - postpone. Don't get married because you think you have to, you should be doing it because you want to.

 

[Nino]

u guys should really have a talk is not good to star your marriage with money problems..and its suppose to be a special time for booth of you, I'm sure u don't wan to spend it fighting over money.

[Kristy28]

 I agree with both girls. If you are having doubts and you are not going to enjoy getting married than I would post pone. Maybe you should have a serious talk with your OH and tell him how you are feeling. This is supposed to be an exciting time and you do not sound like you are having fun. You don't want to start your marriage off on a bad note.

 

Hope this helps

[JayKay]

I couldn't agree more.  If there are any doubts at all about the wedding you need to post pone it.  You would hate to put more time, money and effort into planning your wedding just to have it postponed later on.  you really need to sit down and have a chat with your OH and really seriously consider post poning it until you can work through it.  Good luck with everything!

[Jamie5280]

First of all, I am sorry you are feeling like this at all!  Can not be a fun feeling!

 

I would talk to FI and ask him why he is having such a huge issue with the money aspect, but doesn't want to postpone until you have the money?  There is no harm in that at all.  I know a lot of people who were engaged for 2 years so they could save for the wedding.  Money is always going to be a stressor in a marriage and obviously, it's not good that you are already fighting over it.  If FI doesn't want to postpone, but gets upset when you bring it up maybe he has some other underlying issues???  Sadly, it sounds like maybe things should be put on hold so you guys to come to a common consensus about it.

 

Good luck!!!

[JessiTaylor]

 

actually if it was me id tell the fiance he had one of two choices - make the decision to postpone, or if wedding was going ahead as planned he had to fully get on board , as going through with the wedding preparation and build up with a really negative attitude doesnt do anyone any good. the fact that he seems angry and bitter isnt a good sign though so i can understand why postponing it seems like it could be a better option - especially before you pay out more money on these arrangements. i agree that if you have a lot of doubts for a long time, then postponing is a good idea BUT if fiance stopped acting like this would you still be having these doubts? dont tip toe around him feeling bad and not knowing if your wedding is happening...tell him you dont like hows hes acting and you both need to find a solution to it and  give him the two options i mentioned

 

maybe this is an odd way of thinking...but i think in that situation id also ask if there was something he hadnt told me...secret debt or a reason why hes so stressed out. Im assuming the original poster has a fairly good understanding of fiances finances and therefore wouldnt have booked the wedding if it was going to totally bankrupt them. so why is he so incredibly stressed about it? is it another problem stressing him out and so hes lashing out using the wedding as a convenient target.

 

horrible situation though, im so sorry!! i hope it works out for you sunflower!