Is it too much?

[Peach]

So, we are planning a DW in Dominican in July 2013. We knew we'd get some flack from my family, since none of my 4 grandparents - who I am close with - can travel that far. But there has been a lot of drama. We were planning on doing the AHR in a casual, but fairly substantial, way when we got back. NOW it has been suggested to us to get legally married here, before we go (which we really did not want originally, but understand it will probably be easier), in a church (which we really did not want but is really, really, really important to my family) with just parents and grandparents. We actually are okay with this idea. But now my question is, is it all too much...

Legal ceremony (small church, then dinner at a restaurant would be the way it goes), then DW, then large AHR. I am worried people will think, gee, why do the DW at all?

 

I know a lot of brides on here have done this.... what do you think?

[koseefowokan]

I personally like the idea of getting married legally here first, then you can forego some of the paperwork at your DW. Afterwards you can just have a small get together at a restaurant for your closest family members, mainly for those who can't go (your grandparents), have a blast at your DW and live it up with friends and those who missed out when you return. 

[Peach]

My biggest concern is that our plan was for the AHR to be a rather large (not fancy, just in quantity of people) with a lot of extended family; more like a regular reception. So it is okay to have a legal ceremony (then supper at a restaurant or something) with the grandparents and parents, the DW with whoever comes, and the big AHR after? Or does that just seem like a lot?

[koseefowokan]

No, I think it's totally fine. People will understand the importance of doing a small after-dinner-wedding reception with the closest family members. After all, it won't be considered "the wedding", right? Your actual wedding will be your big day with a ceremony, celebration and honeymoon right after. I am planning on doing something very similar, since we both have a lot of friends who won't be able to come to the DW but whom we'd love to share our experience with.  

[kat2012]

Why dont you combine small wedding+AHR? To me personally it is too much... Then the whole point of DW washes off... U should do what you feel is right and not worried about what people would think...

[Peach]

That is what I am wondering...

Except we only want a few people at our legal and extended at our AHR, and were hoping to do legal before DW and AHR after... but now having to rethink.

Oh family drama sucks.
 

Originally Posted by kat2012 

Why dont you combine small wedding+AHR? To me personally it is too much... Then the whole point of DW washes off... U should do what you feel is right and not worried about what people would think...

 

[kat2012]

Amen..

Originally Posted by Peach 

Oh family drama sucks.
 

 

I think you should do what is the most comfortable for you and your family, and who would not want to have a chance to wear their wedding dress more than once! People will always think something different about your wedding. Good luck with your decision!

[leigh2011]

We did the legal wedding with just family and then dinner afterward before we left for our DW.  We will also be having the AHR now that we are back.  My suggestion would be to have a different and far less fancy dress for your legal wedding so it doesn't feel like it is taking away from your DW and big white dress.  I actually wore a red dress (traditional Chinese dress - to honor my husband's heritage) for my legal ceremony, so it was a polar opposite to my DW dress.

 

Although it seems like too many events to you, if having the separate ceremony and dinner is what will make your family happy (and therefore prevent them from creating other drama) then I think it is worth it.  Best of luck.

[Peach]

Thank you for the advice... I am thinking this may be the way to go. My dress for the DW is going to be very simple, but I still think I would do something different for legal. Thanks!
 

Originally Posted by leigh2011 

We did the legal wedding with just family and then dinner afterward before we left for our DW.  We will also be having the AHR now that we are back.  My suggestion would be to have a different and far less fancy dress for your legal wedding so it doesn't feel like it is taking away from your DW and big white dress.  I actually wore a red dress (traditional Chinese dress - to honor my husband's heritage) for my legal ceremony, so it was a polar opposite to my DW dress.

 

Although it seems like too many events to you, if having the separate ceremony and dinner is what will make your family happy (and therefore prevent them from creating other drama) then I think it is worth it.  Best of luck.

 

[mrsrepp]

So, I have a similar dilemma - only, my issue is with having 2, yes 2 AHRs; one in RI (where I'm from) and one in CA (where my groom is from).  My grandmas wont be able to make it to CA and some of his family & friends wont be able to make it to RI and we don't want to leave anyone out.  These will both be small BBQ-type events, in our parent's backyards.  We are already married, long story, but due to finances decided to just elope here in San Diego and we're keeping that secret from our other friends & family.  But in looking at the difficulties in legally getting married in Mexico, I'm kind of relieved for one less thing to worry about, minus the secret part ...