Bridal Shower Headaches

bruceg05 · November 2, 2011

Hey Ladies-

Need some advice and venting from my fellow brides.

I'm getting married in Jamaica on May 28th, 2012. My MOHs (I have two), mom and mother-in-law are making me lose my mind with all this bridal shower stuff.

Background stories that will help you:

My Nana (one of the closest people in my life) is leaving snowy Wisconsin to go to South Carolina for the winter with my Papa. They leave two days after X-mas and come back the first weekend in May. It is really important that she is at my wedding shower. We are really close.

My mom is having her 3rd back surgery this coming week and her recovery will be questionable until Marchish. So we kind of need to plan around when she will be good to go.

I have a large family so the guest list will be quite sizable just from my family and my fiances alone. After my 5 bridesmaids, I have around 10 other friends that I would like to attend.

I am the first of my friends to get married, leaving my bridesmaids kind of hanging because they have never planned a shower before.

Heres my dilemma:

My mom's friend wanted to host a shower in December for my Nana to be able to come. We had explored the idea of having it in early May, but my MOH would be graduating college during that time so the shower would have to be the weekend before our wedding (the 18th - 19th). My mom then suggested that we have two separate showers because her friend's house could not accommodate all of my guests, one for the "older crowd" i.e. family friends and family. BUT she said that my wedding party would also be invited, but none of my other friends because we wouldn't be able to find a place big enough for the guests that close to the holidays. My maids were then to plan another shower for the other friends of mine. Now my mom and her friend are all set on having two showers and for some reason my mom thinks any suggestion I make on the date or amount of showers is completely stupid. Not to mention, she thinks she's superman and will be able to physically handle this shower less than two months after surgery.

I really only want to have one shower, my fiance and I are under a lot of stress right now changing jobs, getting through the holidays, making and finalizing wedding plans for Jamaica and our AHR and finding a place to live/buying a house. I feel that by having more than one it would just add to the stress for numerous reasons. It would leave my maids to planning a shower all by themselves while they haven't done one yet. They've already started asking me what to do and it just makes me more stressed because I feel like I'm planning another event (that I shouldn't even be planning). I also think it's pointless to have another shower for 10 other people to be invited to (most likely less than 7 to attend).

I really don't like the idea of having a shower in December for numerous reasons 1) it would be the weekend before the holidays 2) it would leave my maids to plan another party and 3) (this is a big one) My FMIL said by having one so early, she would want to have one for me in spring that's more intimate with that side of the family. Then I would have 3.... 4) If we had one shower, my moms friend, FMIL, etc could help my maids plan their first shower.

My questions are:

1) Am I being selfish by saying that I want one shower? I am so grateful for everyones offers, but this wedding is stressing me out as it is. I'd rather just have to worry about 1 event rather than three even if that one event was a week away from our wedding as everything will be mostly organized... The only reason I would really be fine with more than one is if my dad's mom would like to have something separate for that family. My parents are divorced and don't really get along that well, so it may be for the best if she suggests that.

2) I know it'd be a week before the Jamaican wedding, but is that "acceptable"? I'm in contact with everyone that would be invited to the shower, so I feel like I could explain why its that day if it's an issue. It would also be more than a month away from our AHR, so I don't really see a problem....

3) Any suggestions on what to say to my FMIL about the "intimate shower" she wants to have? I'm thinking she really just wants to have a separate shower so she can invite whoever she wants. She had approached me about inviting her friends to the shower, but I find that rude and almost selfish as I have never met most of the friends on her guest list. I don't really want to be meeting people at my bridal shower. These women are invited to the wedding because they have been close to my fiance, but I feel a bridal shower is something a little different. She's a little invite happy, her list for the wedding was kind of out of control.

Sorry this was long-winded and maybe confusing. It's just stressing me out and I think I need some outside advice!

Thanks ladies

boscobel · November 3, 2011

I am actually in the same almost-exact situation except it's for my baby shower. I don't think it's selfish to want one shower (I do too!) but sometimes we need to relinquish a tad of the control. For me, it's that our guest list if 92. Yes, 92 for a BABY SHOWER! We both come from very large families and I refuse to cut any of my friends. So I probably have to give up my want of having one shower and break it into at least 2 possibly three to accommodate everyone (my family, his family, friends) and keep it cost appropriate. Maybe you can find something to compromise on too?

Maybe allow MIL to throw her separate shower for her friends and do the shower that you want later in May. I know it's your wedding and I'm all for doing it the way you want, but showers are supposed to be thrown FOR us and it's only a newer thing were the brides are so involved in the planning.

Jamie5280 · November 14, 2011

WOW! That does sound stressful!

I would also dislike 3 wedding showers. I don't even want one, but it would make all the people not going to my wedding feel better if I did. (Like the wedding shower is the same thing, HA)

I personally would state that I really didn't like the idea of having 3 showers. but you would compromise if they could work on the details for you. I would be honest and just say, you are so busy as it is, the less stress the better. Hopefully that will mean they will take control of the situation and just plan away. Or you just say....I think the one is december will be great and that's the only one you need. Then maybe just go to brunch with your friends that can't come in December at a different time.

Good Luck