Bridesmaid Drop Out

[Chelsey25]

Hi Everyone, I hope I'm posting in the right area! Just looking for some advice!

I got engaged July 2010, a week after the engagement I picked my bridal party, each girl said they would attend our wedding in Dominican Republic. My wedding is now less than 5 months away and one of my bridesmaids just told me she's not coming anymore. The bridesmaids dresses just arrived last week, the girls have paid half of the dress cost so far, they pay the rest when they pick them up. I don't know if I should make her pay for the rest of the dress, or if I take on the remaining cost...? I've also purchased personalized gifts for each bridesmaid, should I still give her, her gifts?? I've spent quite a bit of money on these gifts to show my appreciation to our bridal party for attending our wedding and now I don't think she deserves the gifts. But what the heck am I going to do with these gifts that have her name engraved on them?? Should I tell her how angry and disappointed I am? Or should I be the bigger person and be understanding and leave it at that?

Any help is GREATLY appreciated!

Thank You!

[emstypes]

Chelsey,

 

I guess it would kind of depend on the situation that caused her to drop out?  Did she have a personal conflict, family tragedy, etc that prevents her from coming, or no longer being able to afford to come?  If this is the case, I think you could still give her the gifts to show her that you truly wish she could be there and that you support her back as a friend in her tough time.  However, if she has just decided to back out on you, without being up front with you about her reasoning or simply because she's no longer a close friend, I would have to say I wouldn't give her the gifts.  The dress is a tricky situation though... if you eat the rest of the cost on the dress, you could always try to sell it.  Will the bridal shop charge you anyway if she doesn't pick it up?  Or do they keep it and she just loses her deposit on the dress?

[Chelsey25]

Thank you so much for your reply! She dropped out because she recently started school and didn't realize her final exams would be 3 weeks after the wedding day. I understand school is priority and sets the tone for the rest of your life, but it still upsets me...I feel she could bring her books with her and study on the beach! I have not contacted the bridal shop to let them know yet, I think they make the girls pay half the cost of the dress when they order them in case a situation similar to this comes up where they no longer need the dress. I've been considering giving her the gifts, cause honestly, what am I going to do with them?! Thanks again for your help, I really appreciate it!

[prettypigpig]

Chelsey,

 

I think you should let her deal with her dress with the dress shop, and give her her gift.  Her reason is a valid one, given usually, before the finals, she also needs to finish papers/projects, and getting 1 week off and study on the beach ...hmmm...not everyone can resist the temptation to leave the books and get a drink! lol. 

 

Two of my BM backout, because 1 got prego, the other one "immigrated" to USA, and must stay within the country for a certain amount of time.  I would love them to come, but sometimes, life is full of road bumps like this.  I also got guests/family members who said they would come, and back out too!  It upset me so much, but oh well, c'est la vie!

[lucy<3woody]

Do you have a 'backup bridesmaid' who could use the dress? Maybe it is a long shot, but if you have another friend who would want to be a bridesmaid, then she could pay for the dress. This way the former BM would not be out any money....just a thought