How would you tell your guests you will be paying for their cruise if you would not be doing this for everyone?

[RIbride2b]

So after looking at venues near us and realizing that we would be spending more $$ than we hoped on the type of wedding we would want, we decided to look into a cruise wedding and see if it really would be any cheaper.  It seems to us, it would be MUCH cheaper, so much so that we could afford to pay for some guests cruise fare and still be under our budget which would be magical to us (assuming my math is right!)   How do we handle paying the fare for some of but not everyone's fare?  we thought we'd pay for the cruise, the airfare would their responsibility and pay for the cheapest cabin, they can pay to upgrade if they desire.  My FI says we cannot afford to pay for the families with kids, only the adult fares (which i could be ok with, but we have children so I would want some kids there for them).  Some people need the help more than others but if we pay for say 1 cousin and husband, but their sibling and husband can afford it, isn't that not fair?  Or pay for 1 aunt and uncle but not another?  We could also leave from a port nearer to us so we do not need to take a plane, but the cruise fare would go up and we wouldn't be able to cover all of the cost of the cruise for the same number of people.  Only close friends and family make the paid list and we would want to be sure they know we plan to help with that, but how would we address or handle it?  I'm sure you don't put something in their invitation -- should I call them individually after invitations have been received?  Also, I can see 1 aunt forfeiting her and the uncle's spot to allow the 2 grandkids to go with her son & wife, but we wouldn't want to allocate the money to those kids if we're not helping any others (no offense), but rather another adult family member or friend.  any advise?

 

 

[LadyLove]

Hi Rlbride2b! That is a lot to think about. I feel that for those who you know want to come and who you really want there, but you know don't have the funds I think in addition to the invitation you and your Fiancé should visit with them (if possible) and tell them that they are really important to you and you want them there to celebrate with you on your big day and that you will be paying for blah, blah, blah for them to ensure their presence cause it means so much to you both. In this way, I would expect they realize they can't pass on the trip to someone else they choose because you're personally requesting them to be there and being generous enough to pay. Also, perhaps if they've never cruised before you could say you want to give them that experience because it's so incredible and they deserve it.  

 

I also think its fair to help those who need help and not all your guests if it's not financially possible for you, but I understand people are sensitive and you wanna be careful with this. Last year, one of my friends and her family was invited to a wedding for a close cousin. She didnt know that her mom paid for her older brother to go, but my friend paid for herself. When she found out she was bothered by it and was like her mom should have paid for her too then. However, my other girlfriend pointed out to her it's not always necessary to be treated equally, but equitably. My friend could afford the trip, but her brother really couldn't have gone without the help, which she then realized and got over it because she also wanted her brother to be there and for her cousin to be happy they Madame made the trip. That said its your money and your wedding and you can pay for who you want, especially considering that it's not really required of you. Moreover, you and your fiance want to be happy to have important people there with you and that's what all your guests should want for you too. Plus, you might still be generous to all guests if you decide to give on-board credit dollars which should really be at no extra cost to you through booking with a group.

 

I hope that helps. I'll keep thinking.