3 of my supposed BF's not coming

[Jamie5280]

Ok...I apologize in advance for how long this is going to be, but I just got yet another e-mail from a "friend" that said she isn't coming to our wedding.  And I REALLY need to vent

 

Here's the deal with these 3 girls.  I have known them for about 15 years and we were college roommates.

 

Here's the back story..

 

About 3 1/2 years ago, I moved to Houston with my Ex and 2 of the girls got pregnant with their first child.  I ended up moving back 3 months later and they were less than responsive to my return.  Didn't care that my ex and I broke up, that I moved back only to live with my sister and her family, didn't have a job, etc...it was stressful to say the least.  But they ended up getting mad at me because I didn't spend enough time with their newborns, despite them never inviting me to their bbq's, etc.. they had.

 

Fast forward to a year and 1/2 ago, my mom and FI's mom dies within 2 months of each other over x-mas and valentines day.  My mom's death was unexpected, so needless to say I took it pretty hard for many reasons that I won't get into now.  But when FI's mom got really ill, FI was visiting his parents in MN (my mom died the day he flew out to MN) and his mom literally went into the hospital the day after he came back home to be with me after my mom died. I was not OK at all.  My mom wasn't married, so my brother and I had to do all of her estate stuff alone.  My mom's family wouldn't help either.  We had to pay her bills, arrange to sell the house, clean the entire house out, etc...But on top of that stress I had to deal with my FI dealing with his mom dying!!!  You would think that we were so great together during that time, but truth is we almost broke up.  It's way too hard to be there for one another when you are both in so much pain!  I was over-reacting, temperamental, stressed, mean, etc...Well one of these girls e-mailed me and let me have it, this is her e-mail  "Do I think you are mean-YES, Do I think you are a bad girlfriend-YES, Do I think you are a bad friend-YES."  I bawled and told her she had no idea what I was going through and to cut me a break and she went on to say that I am all those things all over again.  When I went to MN for FI's mom's funeral, 2 of the girls went on to tell all our college friends at a party that I was an alcoholic and if I wasn't careful I was going to end up like my mother. Talk about the meanest girls EVER, right!!!???  Well, I ended up forgiving them...Not sure why.

 

Fast forward to now.  All 3 college roommates have informed me that they "can't" come to my wedding.  Mind you, I was in ALL 3 of theirs and spent no less than $1000 on each.  One of them actually had a DW that I was in.  1 said she can't go because her husband is in the FBI and the FBI won't let them travel to Mexico!??? the 2nd one said she cant go because of money and her son's health (I actually understand this one) the 3rd said she can't go because of money (this is the one that had a DW).  Ummm....she has been to Sonoma, Aspen and NYC just this year!  I don't know why I am even surprised at all, but it still stings!  But now they are like, we want to plan all your parties, blah blah blah!  UM, NO Thanks!!!  They actually just helped me decide that I am not going to have an AHR.  I just can't believe they aren't coming after everything I have done for them and their kids!!!!!    But I am done. 

 

OK-Thank you all very much!!!  I feel better!

 

 

[amberah19]

Sorry to hear about these terrible friends. Sounds like you might be better off not having them there anyways, might just be more drama....but I say, let them plan the parties for you!! You did it for them and now it's your turn. take full advantage

[Jamie5280]

Ya, that's what I thought I wanted when I first got engaged, but now I think, it's just time to let them be.  I have been hurt too much by them and was hoping that they would make it up to me by coming to my wedding.  I tried to tell myself not to get upset if they didn't come, but that didn't work!  HAHA!!!    Thank you!!! 

[elainsmith]

 sorry for hear these, and if i was you , maybe i would be desperated just like you , and never forgive such friends like this . but whatever, the life will go on, and take it easy, i believe many friends of you are behind you and support you.

[jenna326]

Sorry to hear about all of that! My thoughts are this: The people who don't come to your DW are the ones losing out. My FI and I talk about this all the time. His cousin's got married in Italy a few years ago and we didn't go, but they always tell us too that you are surprised by the ones who actually come and the people who you really thought would go don't. Don't sweat it, you will have the time of your life with the people who care most about you and your FI. Our best man still hasn't booked his room so we are kind of in the same boat.

 

Good luck with everything!

[Jamie5280]

I am fine now.  I have just done SO much for these girls over the years!  Again, including being in all their weddings and flying to Cancun for one of them.  I am just tired of being hurt by them.  But it is what it is, and I have come to terms with them not coming, but it may change our relationships forever after the wedding, but honestly, it's totally time for it to change anyways....Just didn't want to come to terms with our relationships possibly ending. 

 

That's why this thread is so great, I just needed to vent about how hurt I have been by them over and over and I just lost it that day is all.

 

But thanks for the advice! 

[brendee2005]

I agree with the rest of the ladies . Sometimes ppl only care about themselves and what you can do for them. My fiance is going through the same thing. He works about 12 hrs a day. Comes home is is up on his laptop doing more work. Majority of the time I can't even reach him, he's so busy. His beat friend,his best wo-man lol textes him yesterday saying. I'm not a needy friend but you don't make time for me. I'm honored to be your best wo-man but I don't know....like what the hell does that mean?! I was so upset! I want to call her but FI said not to get involved. We are 6 mths away . Ppl are so selfelish. I sympathize. Sent from my ADR6300 using Tapatalk

[Jamie5280]

Yep!  My FI is so sick of hearing about it, so I decided that I have to go back to my motto of it is what it is.  I just wish I could have stayed feeling that way and not get so upset about who is NOT going to be there.
 

Originally Posted by brendee2005 

I agree with the rest of the ladies . Sometimes ppl only care about themselves and what you can do for them. My fiance is going through the same thing. He works about 12 hrs a day. Comes home is is up on his laptop doing more work. Majority of the time I can't even reach him, he's so busy. His beat friend,his best wo-man lol textes him yesterday saying. I'm not a needy friend but you don't make time for me. I'm honored to be your best wo-man but I don't know....like what the hell does that mean?! I was so upset! I want to call her but FI said not to get involved. We are 6 mths away . Ppl are so selfelish. I sympathize.
Sent from my ADR6300 using Tapatalk

 

[lovepea]

I am glad you can come here to vent.  It sounds like this shows you that you are definitely needing to move on from these women who can't even be there for you.

 

Good luck to you and enjoy your wedding