A Message to my Invited Guests

[favorsmr]

Thanks for posting your 'vent' here.  It will help prepare me for what is to come as we move forward with planning our DW. 

[Pappy]

Thanks for starting this thread. We are definitely going through the same issues. 

[katie2012]

Well said. I went through a lot of this with my FI's four sisters initially being excited about going (even going so far as talking about going all-inclusive, staying longer, etc.), but once our save the dates went out it became too expensive. We're partially paying for them now and they're going. It's SO frustrating they never came to us about their issues with going. It's making it tough to ask one of them to be maid of honor... The important thing is that you'll be there and your fiance will be there 

Originally Posted by emilyjane 

I know it was hard to wrap my head around the money thing, but I came to the realization/understanding that yes, some people may be able to afford to come, or could have saved up the money to come... but in the end, maybe they just don't want to spend their money on coming to my wedding.  

 

At first I didn't understand when it was still a year away and people said "it's too expensive," and I thought "you could save $30/week and your trip would be paid for."  But then I finally realized that yes, people could save that money, but perhaps they'd rather have that money on a weekly basis to eat dinner out, go to the movies, smoke... do whatever they want with!  

 

So yes, people may make excuses that it's too expensive, and then appear to be living "high off the hog," but in the end, maybe they just don't want a Caribbean vacation, and would rather spend their money on other things.

 

Hope this helps!

 

[MJKH]

OMG JBean...I don't know how it is that I'm just viewing this now...I laughed, I cried, I swore...     !!!  Oh, that felt good...

 

Planning/having our DW was so much challenging than I would have ever thought.  I was so hard on myself...I drove my husband-to-be crazy...so many things didn't really work out the way I wanted them to.  In fact, I've found myself in a bit of a funk for the last month or so.  I don't know if I'm sad that it's over, disappointed that I didn't pull things off as I had hoped, overwhelmed at the thought of now planning an AHR, still furious about the words and actions of those who screwed us around for months on end...perhaps mad that we didn't just turn down the money from our parents and elope?!?  But I keep my eye on the prize...my 6 foot tall, wonderfully handsome and supportive husband...the best prize of all! 

 

Thanks to all of you who continue to serve as a sounding board and act as a big support to all DW brides...even those of us who are now married!

 

P.S. Is there a thread on here called something like "I should have just eloped!!!"? ; )

[yumii28]

OMG! That totally sounds like what ive been saying for the past few weeks. Out of 50 invitations we sent out with stamps included, we only got 1 back and its been 2 weeks past the deadline already. Why!?!?!

[Laurelyn]

Oh man I forgot about this thread but oh do I need it today!!  So my MOH decided to wait to book and well the resort sold out so she's now a 20 min drive away not the end of the world but still sucks that she will only be there for the one day.  BUT I think my brother took the cake today!! We leave on Saturday and he is a GM as well as fully booked and paid.  We have bought his outfit and his presents and well I heard from his gf today he probably won't be coming due to work not allowing him the time off.  Don't you think that one would plan for this and at least call me directly not do it through his gf(his gf is one of my good friends but still!!)!  So frustrated but at the end of the day everything happens for a reason and all will be alright!!

[principessa]

I'm so glad to know there are some girls that are feeling similar to how I am feeling!  I'm very disappointed that aside from my Mom & Dad, no one from my family wil be coming to our wedding.  Sure, I didn't expect everyone to go, but I did expect some representation from my side.  Especially hearing that most of them are actually travelling for March Break..  I'm very hurt by this, but in the end those people that are nearst and dearest to us will be there, and it will be an amazing day regardless. 

[Smoylan]

Well said! I really hoped this helped...a little.
 

Originally Posted by JBean 

Ladies - I never knew how stressful a destination wedding could be, or all the things you would learn about people in the process. I'm afraid this whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. We knew not a lot of people would be able to come to Mexico, and that was fine.  I was handling it all quite well, until yesterday, when 3 people (including a bridesmaid!) bailed on the wedding, a mere 50 days out. A bride can only take so much!

 

I need to vent so I'm saying all the things you can't say, and I'm saying them here so that I don't make some regrettable phone calls the next time I've had a few bevies. 

 

1) It's not the fact that you're not coming that is bothersome, it's the way you go (or don't go) about it. Why wait until the LAST MINUTE to RSVP? If you know you're not coming, why not pop the little card in the mail? Huh? But at least you people RSVP'd at all! Which leads me to...

 

2) LEARN how to RSVP people - is this a lost art? Has respect gone out the window? WE INCLUDED THE STAMP AND sent out reminder emails - it's not that difficult!! And frankly, it's inconsiderate and RUDE.

 

3) For those of you (especially close family members) that said to our faces that you would "definitely be there", and loved to talk about how much fun it was going to be, and THEN miss the RSVP deadline AND don't end up booking - Seriously???

 

4) To all the people who use money as an excuse for not coming - You all had over a year and half to plan and save for this wedding. If you REALLY wanted to be there, MOST of you could have made it happen. At least lie and say you can't get the time off - that's a bit easier to swallow. 

 

5) To my eldest (yet seemingly youngest) brother - don't pin your inability to come to the wedding and financial issues on your baby daughter, and then post pics of your new motorbike on Facebook. Also, when our other brother (who IS coming) offers to share a room with you to cut costs, don't say "I'd rather have a room to myself" and then tell me the trip is cost prohibitive.

 

6) To my fiance's family, of which barely anyone is coming or even bothered to RSVP - I wish I had more reasons to be excited about becoming a part of this family. Your welcome was about as warm as a block of ice.

 

7) To my bridesmaid, who waited until yesterday (6 weeks out) to cancel - see #4. Waiting this long to cancel, unfortunately, will hurt our friendship. I have your dress, BM gift and flowers sitting here, reminding me that one of my longest, closest friends, who swore she'd be there - will not be.

 

8) Finally, to those of you who *gasp* RSVP'd ON TIME (and some of you more than once, just to be sure we got it), whether you're coming to the wedding or not - THANK YOU! 

 

It's taking every ounce of strength I have not to post this on Facebook. 

 

 

 

[Smoylan]

I am a teacher and went to my best friends destination wedding in May. I took my 3 personal days and went Thurs-Monday. I was so sad to leave a day early, but I did what I had to do. And now Im planning a destination wedding too! the only ones who will regret it are the ones not there! Money will always come and go, but those memories last a lifetime. Cliche I know, but its true!
 

Originally Posted by anudrm 

Really?!?!?

 

One of my bridesmaid is a teacher and she will be there!! She let them know last school year and made them aware again at the beginning of this school year.  I hate excuses!!! Man-UP, LOL

 

[AllieH]

You are so right about this. We aren't the ones missing out on this experience - those who don't go will miss out. We'll be there, surrounded by those who cared enough to make it all work, and that's just the way it is! 

Originally Posted by Smoylan 

I am a teacher and went to my best friends destination wedding in May. I took my 3 personal days and went Thurs-Monday. I was so sad to leave a day early, but I did what I had to do. And now Im planning a destination wedding too! the only ones who will regret it are the ones not there! Money will always come and go, but those memories last a lifetime. Cliche I know, but its true!