Family dilemma HELP!!!

[Gin Bootles]

i guess i am just at a total shock with my family and my soon to be new family. my future sister in law (my FI sister) just got married last weekend in green bay wisconsin. a lot of the extended family for them asked why we didnt announce our engagement, i just claimed it was because the sister was getting married and we didnt want to take away from her. so now that everything is said and done, people are contacting us seeing if we are truly interested in doing a destination wedding. i am kinda shocked that people are asking because when we were telling people about it, they were so excited and said that they wanted to go. now everyone is raising questions to see if we are for real on this. my FI and i have talked about doing this ever since our friends got married at dreams cancun. now i am just torn on what to do... i already got my hopes up and my family and friends hopes up saying we are doing a destination wedding.. but now i am getting a lot of flack from the inlaws and them saying a lot of people from our side of the family can't go. i thought that is what the AHR was for but i guess i was wrong. idk please help with this.. i guess right now if i dont get my mom and dad to go, i won't do an DW but if they will go i already said i would do it. idk help!! i will keep you updated with everything as it comes.

 

thanks

 

[kat2012]

I think you should do what you and your FI wants to do. Many people would not be able to come, but this is part of DW. I think as long as you explain to your folks and his that it is YOUR dream wedding, they would understand. It is so selfish of all this people to tell you what to do... I hope you figure out your issue. Good Luck!!!

[JayKay]

It is your dream day and you need to do what you and your FI want to do, not what other people want you to do.  I am the first grandchild on the one side of family and everyone was shocked when I mentioned we were doing a DW rather then an at home ceremony and traditional reception.  At first I thought maybe we had made the wrong decision, and I was tired of people telling me that we shouldnt be having a DW.  We finally decided that its what we want, and what we were going to do.  Like you, the only people I really truly cared were there is my immediate family, mom, dad, and two brothers, and Fi only cared if his mom, dad, brother, and sister in law were there.  Turns out they were all for a DW (my older brother had a failed engagement and lost a lot of money planning a wedding at home, so my parents were all for it, and FI brother and sister in law were married in Mexico and his family thought it was a great idea).  Anyone else that comes in my opinion is extra and we will be happy they are there.  I think you truly need to do what you want to do so you have no regrets.  And if you do have an AHR then all those people can come then if they cant make your DW!

[kellygrrrl]

honestly, we still go back and forth wondering if we've made the right decision. especially now that we're receiving RSVPs (the best man just cancelled last week). every time we experience a setback, we question if planning a destination wedding was the right thing to do. while planning, I had dreams of 25 people dancing on the beach, and here it looks like we'll have closer to 15 people total - most of whom are in my family. there are still 9 months to go and anything could happen, but it's important to understand that just because you make the decision to have a destination wedding (which we did a year ago), you may still have second thoughts.

 

what we keep coming back to (even as we're now considering putting on an AHR, which we swore we'd never do) is that there's no place in Austin we'd rather get married. more importantly, there's no one we're so tied to having attend that we'd decide to host it locally - not even the best man. some days I'd love to have one of those weddings you see on TV with $40K budgets and 200 guests, but that's just not us. we have a small circle of friends, FI's family is really spread out, and I can't FATHOM spending that amount of money on a wedding.

 

there are no easy decisions in destination wedding planning. I think all you can do is go with what is best for you and your FI. so long as you have your 'MUST-HAVE-IN-ATTENDANCE' list and those people are signed up, I think everything else is bonus. you need something to believe in, even during the difficult times. for us, we think the universe has something special in store for us with the wedding no matter how many people are there -- I've made too many wishes about its success for there not to be! : ) but that's what we keep going back to. whether it's 25 people or 2, it's going to be the wedding we want, no matter what.

 

best of luck with your decision - please keep us posted. 

 

 

[Gin Bootles]

the other day we got questioned on having a destination wedding. and i have to this day still have my heart set on the destination wedding. i feel that no matter what people say or do, i can't control their actions, i cant make them play nice and i sure as heck cant make everyone happy. today while i was at work another bombshell dropped about my facebook and the pictures on it. the newly wed bride had a major issue with me posting pictures of the wedding, but didnt tell me herself. she ran to her mother and cried about it. they were just photos of the place, and 3 photos of her in her dress (not dressed up all the way) everyone i know never has an issue with this.. if they dont want them posted... they should have announced it at the wedding... or at dinner that night... others posted pictures too, but i was the only one talked to about it . which i am sorry out of the family i am the youngest and yet i have more maturity than anyone in their family. my fi is just overwhelmed with the situation at hand and is devistated that this is yet again going on in the family. the sister in law and i talked.. but it doesnt mean that we have moved on. i explained to her that i will not call and ask her permission to post pictures on my facebook, i can not tag her... but it is rediculous that she even asked for it. i feel that even though she brought it up to me...there was no need to start the family fight and drama... idk i will keep everyone posted.. i feel that this shouldnt even be an issue seeing that we are planning on 2014.. argh.. i guess it is true you can't choose your inlaws

[kellygrrrl]

 

no, and the other thing you can't control is life. no matter what, no matter how far in advance you plan, you're not going to be able to keep life from happening, no matter HOW early you send the STDs (we were planning around this time last year for May 2012). my MOH got pregnant and has a baby boy now, our friend's son is getting married in December, and our BM prioritized taking his new family to Spain to meet his ailing parents. all are 100% legitimate reasons not to attend our wedding, and it's certainly no fault of our friends that they can't come. the only thing you have is your own assuredness in the situation, and I think the best way to keep your sanity is to not sweat the guest list. at a minimum, people should be polite and respectful of your wishes (after all, THEY all had the wedding THEY wanted, right?!), but it will be their choice whether or not to attend, and you have to be ok with that.

 

just do what you guys think is best and everything will be ok. : )

 

Originally Posted by Gin Bootles 

the other day we got questioned on having a destination wedding. and i have to this day still have my heart set on the destination wedding. i feel that no matter what people say or do, i can't control their actions, i cant make them play nice and i sure as heck cant make everyone happy. today while i was at work another bombshell dropped about my facebook and the pictures on it. the newly wed bride had a major issue with me posting pictures of the wedding, but didnt tell me herself. she ran to her mother and cried about it. they were just photos of the place, and 3 photos of her in her dress (not dressed up all the way) everyone i know never has an issue with this.. if they dont want them posted... they should have announced it at the wedding... or at dinner that night... others posted pictures too, but i was the only one talked to about it . which i am sorry out of the family i am the youngest and yet i have more maturity than anyone in their family. my fi is just overwhelmed with the situation at hand and is devistated that this is yet again going on in the family. the sister in law and i talked.. but it doesnt mean that we have moved on. i explained to her that i will not call and ask her permission to post pictures on my facebook, i can not tag her... but it is rediculous that she even asked for it. i feel that even though she brought it up to me...there was no need to start the family fight and drama... idk i will keep everyone posted.. i feel that this shouldnt even be an issue seeing that we are planning on 2014.. argh.. i guess it is true you can't choose your inlaws

 

[LaLuna]

We always have brides who tell us about different family dramas or cancellations or even show up on wedding days and are told not to photograph the best man or maid of honor (a married couple) because they had a fight with the bride and groom the day before the wedding...

Crazy things happen with people, they are all so unpredictable and just when you thought you were comfortable understanding someone, something changes real fast and a choice can be made about that relationship... the advice from my wife regarding this issue when planning our invite list was to "LET IT GO MATEO"... ok, i listen when she speaks and this one told me it would be ok... even though there were some "must be there" peeps that simply couldnt make it.  Uggh.

 

What came from that was an amazing wedding story... We shared with our family and friends and were appreciative that the ones who did make it, made it... like my late 92 year old grandmother... seeing her that day was incredible.  The family and close friends that do make it will continue to forge a strong bond with you as you move on with life.  The photo memories you have will clue in all the others how UNREAL the day really was...  so invest in your photographer well in anticipation to show those who really should have been there the way thing really happened, you will be amazed at their reaction.

Also, what we can't change is that media plays a big role using war and hate and crime as a fear factor to sour minds...  News media can sensationalize any topic (especially mehico) and suddenly everybody is afraid...huh?

 

I like what Kelly said:

it's going to be the wedding we want, no matter what.

 

*words of wisdom amiga*

 

Saludos,

mat

[KaitheyMartin]

 

See...it’s your wedding and you have all the rights to do what you want.....If your fiance and you both ready for the DW then go for it....rather than regret afterwords.......celebrate your wedding day as you both want......Just make sure your parent, brother sisters can make it.......
Usually some not so close relatives and friends try to avoid DW so let it be.....close one will be there......
Make your mind soon.....If you decided for DW you have to send Save the Dates atleast 4 months before the wedding....so that those who wants to come can make their arrangements like booking and all.....

[Gin Bootles]

as promised i have updates

 

so it has been 2 weeks since his sisters wedding, and they came down to visit the folks. and they came with all their new toys they bought. they had bought a samsung tablet, a nook, and some other high priced things. and i would assume that they used the money from the wedding for that.. but come to find out they bought some other things high priced... which i know it is their choice.. but now they say.. "oh we can't afford to go to your wedding if it is a destination wedding" and that they would rather like to go to germany with the grandparents.. i advised them that it is their choice, and if they want to do that, then it is fine.,... just know we wont be asking you to stand in the wedding.. and they began to have a hissy fit. argh i just cant win... and i know that it is their choice and a lot of people might not come, and i get that.. but seriously how rude...

 

well that is some of the new drama happening.. hopefully i have better blogs coming up soon this is kinda annoying.

 

jen

[Peach]

I think that there is always family drama. I know that there is with me. The only thing bugging me is that people who are must-haves at my wedding will not be there (my grandparents, because of age and health). But the ONLY way they could make it was if I did the traditional church and community centre thing back in the hometown. Not me, not FI. So, we said, 'this is what we want, and if there are just a few people, then that is fine.' Our compromise is that we are doing an AHR that is combining more traditional elements, even though I wanted it more laid-back; that is all for my family. Am I getting a lot of flack and complaints? Yes. Lots. From my parents, most of all; I told them that if they do not want to come, do not come. Will I hate them for it? No. Will I forget it either? No. So, I guess my point is, sit down with FI and decide, is this what we want? If it for sure is, then that is what you do. Surround yourself with positive people who support you. For me, my future in-laws are wonderful and have helped SO much. For you, that might be your own family. Keep things civil, but, as much as possible, choose not to let it bother you. It will bother you sometimes, but remind yourself that they are going to be the ones missing out. Negative people will always find something to complain about. And I just do not understand why a person would miss out on something without a 'good reason', or complain the whole time if they do go. How exhausting!

 

Sorry for the rant; hope it helps!