Adults Only All-Inclusive with young niece and nephew

[StefRN]

I am in the very beginning stages of planning my destination wedding and looking for locations, primarily in Dominican Republic or Costa Rica. One problem I have ran in to is with a teenager niece and nephew. I have been leaning towards all-inclusive resorts just to be able to get more bang for your buck, but the two I have really liked so far are adults only!

The wedding packages are perfect for me, at a great price point, beautiful properites and have a variety of rooms for those attending, at different price points. But I was wondering if it was in bad taste to pick a resort where my niece and nephew wouldn't be able to attend. I am kind of close to both but close enough to their parents (my brother and sis-n-law) to care if they get mad. They are the type of people to hold grudges! How do you broach the subject of seeing if they would be able to leave their kids at home? I was thinking they wouldn't go to a destination wedding in the first place but brought it up to my mom and she seemed to think they would be going. Are kids typical at destination weddings?

I guess I could always go back to the drawing board and find other resorts that are more kid-friendly, but would that be compromising too much? Any suggestions on all-inclusive resorts that would be able to accomodate everyone?

[Melissa727]

Hi Stef, I had the same problem as you when I started planning my wedding. All the first places I looked at that I really liked were adults only all inclusive resorts. My FI really wanted his nieces to be our flower girls (they are 3 and 5) so I gave up on the adults only resorts & started looking into resorts that allowed kids. We settled on Dreams Punta Cana. Now that being said, we had spoken to FI's sister prior to booking the resort & let her know that we wanted the girls to be our flower girls. She was all for it. After we booked the resort (one of the main reasons was so the girls could be there) she told us that they wouldn't be able to come. Then just recently (with the help of FI's parents) she and her husband decided they will be coming but leaving the girls at home. I was a little upset at first since I tried to plan things to accomodate the girls then being told afterward that they wouldn't be coming. I guess what I'm trying to say is do what you want. If you find a resort that you love and that you can vision yourself being at then book that resort regardless of the kid issue. Is it really worth picking a resort that isn't your dream to accomodate someone else? It's your wedding day.

[RobbyC]

I was struggled with the same thing when I started planning...  I thought of my 6 year old niece all dressed up and playing in the ocean for the first time ever and didn't think I could imagine my wedding without her!  BUT>>>  That is only ONE day out of the vacation. Who will make sure she is having fun and safe the rest of the time while her mom & dad are off trying to relax?  And do I want to deal with other people's (strangers)  children whining and crying and running around the resort the whole time I was there?  NO!!!!  I want a peaceful, romantic & memorable wedding.  

 

I will still call her my flower girl at my reception... and she still gets a pretty dress!  Being your niece & nephew are older than 6, I can see the dilemma.  I talk to your family about what you WANT first.  If they start hesitating about the kids not being able to go... Make your decision from there. 

 

You have to choose and not worry about what other people want/expect from your wedding.  There will always be someone who has an issue with something.  How do you imagine your day?  How do you imagine your honeymoon?  Go with your gut!

[kymish]

This has got to be super tough for you ladies to make this decision... i have a special needs daughter who is 9 and since my parents arent coming they offered to look after her to make things easier for us. but then i thought about it like RobbyC did, i  pictured her playing in the ocean for the first time. and who noes if we will ever get a chance to go back !...i chose to go with a kids included not just because i wanted my own daughter there but because i figured if i was there missing my daughter im sure all the other guests would be there missing their kids as well. being as your niece and nephew are older its probably alot different situation but if u are really close to them and they dont get to travel alot maybe its best to make them feel included in your special day. Talk to their parents and make sure that they will for sure becoming before you change your plans if thats what u decide to do.. happy planning ladies !

[82turtles]

That's a really tough call... it's hard to imagine these big family events without the kids in the family, yet you don't want to potentially sacrifice your dream resort if no kids end up coming anyways.

 

In our case, FI has a daughter (14), so there was no way we could go to an adults only and leave her out!! That was the main driver, but I also felt like I wasn't going to dictate that people couldn't bring their kids -- it would be their choice one way or another. Most aren't bringing their children for financial reasons, but we do have a few that are coming.

 

I would suggest you talk to your brother and sister in law to get a feel for if they would even bring their kids at all. If they are the only ones with kids who might be coming, and they say no, absolutely not, then that makes your decision easy!

 

Good luck!

[82turtles]

Oops, missed the part where you said she thought they would come. That kinda changes things.

 

Well, can you see if maybe there is an AI resort with multiple properties where one is kid-friendly, and the other is adults-only? One of my co-workers got married at an adults only place where the adjacent resort is kid-friendly, so people could choose where they wanted to be and no kids *had* to be left out. Can't say I'm that familiar with the DR or Costa Rica's resort options to give a specific suggestion though..

[Peach]

This is so tough! To begin with, we picked kid-friendly because we didn't know who would come, but now it looks like no one with kids is even considering it.... 

We always love the look of adult only, but here is something else to consider.... generally speaking, adults only can be considerably more expensive. Something to consider, if that is an issue.

[JayKay]

This is a tough spot to be in.  All the locations we fell in love with we adults only and we knew there was a pretty good chance that some kids would be joining us.  Based on that we found a resort that was kid friendly.  I guess you could say we did compromise on that a bit, but looking back Im glad we did.  We have decided to go to an Adults only resort for our honeymoon. Its something you could consider.

[Jamie5280]

This is tough, also the reason we chose a "family friendly" resort.  My FI and I really wanted our nieces and nephews there (4 total).  My sister said that she would totally understand if we chose an Adults Only, though.  But her and I are very close and I talked to her about it extensively and ultimately left the decision up to her whether she wanted to bring the boys or not (before we chose the resort).  However, we are now having issues because we don't want any more than the 4 kids at our wedding and ALL our family and friends have kids.  So...now I have to tell people they can't bring their kids to our wedding at a family friendly resort, or I need to be prepared to have 25 kids to be there.

 

I think that if you really want an Adults Only resort you should try to do it.  I would just tell them what you were thinking and see what they say, they may surprise you.  Especially if you are close.  It just depends on how important it is for the niece and nephew to be there.  Your brother may want a trip away from the kids.  It's your wedding, but with family it can very tricky!  Just talk to him.

 

I hope it works out for you!