Need opinions

anna524 · August 31, 2011

So my fiance lives at home with this parents and his younger sister(16), and we are getting married in 2013. We both picked out who was going to be our bridal party. I picked my bridesmaids and he picked his groomsmen. so about a week ago we were at his house and his mom asked who was going to be my bridesmaids. I said Robyn(best friend), and my two sisters. I immediately received dirty looks and what I call the death glare. we go upstairs were he tells me he is super sorry but his mom had asked him like a month ago for his little sister to be involved(obviously from the looks, as a bridesmaid) because she is his only sister and what not. At this point I was angry at him for not telling me sooner but he said he was super nervous(because when we talked about getting engaged/married I told him my only thing was i didnt want Alix(his sister) as a bridesmaid and he agreed that was okay. I dont want her as a bridesmaid because we dont get along, she is always rude to me, she steals my clothes, She steals money and clothes from my fiance and she is mommy's little girl so she never gets in trouble. and we never hang out because when i ask her to do something she agrees and then just takes off to talk to her bf or watch tv)

But I agreed she could be a junior bridesmaid. then I went to his house and she was "i think i should be a bridesmaid" and Taggart said why. she said because she wanted to wear a dress. ya she wants a dress. then when Taggart said well that really isnt a reason she said well i deserve it and did not give an answer other then well im your sister and i deserve to be standing up there. after this I was pissed. and I don't want her in my bridal party at all.

Taggarts mom then texts him saying im rude to alix and alix always has ber back up because im a bitch to her. and his mom witnesses this when im over. I dont go to his house. and when i do I dont talk because his dad always makes little comments to belittle me, his sister is always rude to be and his mom is rude because she thinks im rude to ger daughter and probably to her son too.

My question is how do I deal with this. Right now Im questioning getting married into this and what my life will be like when we start our family. I almost just want to stay engaged so I don't have to make a choice and of course my fiance is in a tough spot and I feel horrible for him, I don't know what to do.

jmastr05 · August 31, 2011

It does sound like you and Taggart are in a tough spot. Here are my thoughts:

My mom married my dad against her parents' wishes. They did not accept my dad and even disowned my mom for a long time. The approach that my mom took is that she KNEW, she was 100% sure that she wanted to be with my dad. She was on his side no matter what, and chose him over her parents. My grandparents were not a big part of my life (though they were part of it). But I grew up with a very strong family unit. I always knew that no one would break us up because of the decision that my parents made to commit themselves to each other in the face of adversity and to commit themselves to life and the family that they made together.

It's not ideal that Taggart's family is the way it is. But if you two are as committed to each other as my parents, then you guys will be great together!

elisamarie · September 1, 2011

This is a toughie. I feel that if you agreed that she could be a junior bridesmaid, then that is a fair compromise. And a junior bridesmaid can wear a dress if that's what this girl is all about. So at the end of the day, you have met this family half way and you have done your part. Anything that comes of this in the future is their immaturity. She was part of the wedding and that should be enough. Good luck and hope everything goes smoothly.

Jamie5280 · September 2, 2011

I agree with both the above comments...

You have to remember she is only 16 and still very immature. I feel that since you already offered her the 'junior bridesmaid' position, that, that should be sufficient.

You did your part to make nice, now you do what you want, which is not have her in it. If she really wants a dress you can make her an "honorary bridesmaid" and pick out a dress that matches your colors, so it still looks like she is apart of it, but really she'll have nothing to do with it! I personally think that you need to concentrate on you and your FI and do what makes you happy. It puts your FI in a tough spot, but it's not always up to you make things peaceful.

I hope this blows over for you very soon!!!!!!

kymish · September 8, 2011

i agree with previous posts . you offered her a junior bridesmaid you met them halfway. If the sister or the mom feels that isnt good enough then theirs nothing else you can do. You tried. She can wear a junior bridesmaid dress and feel apart of the wedding or sit in the audience lol.

Originally Posted by Jamie5280

I agree with both the above comments...

You have to remember she is only 16 and still very immature. I feel that since you already offered her the 'junior bridesmaid' position, that, that should be sufficient.

You did your part to make nice, now you do what you want, which is not have her in it. If she really wants a dress you can make her an "honorary bridesmaid" and pick out a dress that matches your colors, so it still looks like she is apart of it, but really she'll have nothing to do with it! I personally think that you need to concentrate on you and your FI and do what makes you happy. It puts your FI in a tough spot, but it's not always up to you make things peaceful.

I hope this blows over for you very soon!!!!!!