Guests paying?

[sarahdawn]

So i'm hitting a big problem in my wedding planning. On my fiance's side of the family everytime there is a wedding the guests pay for their own food and drinks, they do not see a problem with that. Yet for my family when you go to a wedding you don't have to pay for anything. So my fiance feels like its okay for the guests to pay for their own food/drinks and my parents are getting mad for us even considering that. I pretty much don't know what to do!!!

You see I do not know my aunts and uncles very well (only seen them when I was a baby) and my Parents expect me to invite them anyways, but i do not feel like paying for someone who has never spoke to me in my life, yet it feels rude to not pay for someone.

My fiance thinks it will be okay to just pay for the friends/family that are in University/don't have very much money and the Wedding party and that we should make everyone else pay for their food (his reasoning being that if they can afford to come down they can pay a little extra for food and drink).

I guess I should also include that the price for the wedding in Cozumel on Isla de Pasion is 2200 plus $100 per person (which includes unlimited food and alcohol, and their trip to the island and back), so it can get quite expensive if 50+ people are coming.

I don't know what to do because I feel like it is really rude to make people pay if they are taking the time and money to fly to mexico, yet my fiance's side of the family thinks it is okay for them to pay for their own food/drink.

Thanks for your help!

[bmadzia1]

If you want a frank opinion; I would be offended if I was invited to a wedding (regardless where it was) and I was asked to pay for my dinner. Drinks - no problem as many weddings have a 'money' bar, but not dinner.   Perhaps just advising that the transport to and from the island is maybe 50% to 70% of the cost and the guests are responsible to absorb that.  Don't mention that is partially to cover for dinner.

 

 

[anudrm]

I agress with bmadzia, I would be a bit offended if I was already paying to travel to a destination for a wedding and then to have to pay for my meals at the wedding.  Other meals that is find, yet my wedding meal, I am not sure how I would react to that.  If anything, if you could word it so that they are paying for other meals or that the transportation to and from will cover it.  We are going to an all inclusive resort, so the price of their stay covers their meals and everyone is okay with that.

[ssapper]

I agree with previous posters.. To be blunt if i was invited to any wedding (no matter the location) i would be deeply offended if i had to pay for my own food. I even get annoyed when there's a cash bar (but these aren't common in my group of friends). I would suggest what bmadzia said.. maybe ask your guests to pay for the transportation to and from the island (this would be the equivalent of having to pay for parking at a wedding). that may help you offset costs.

[meBonidie2be]

I know how you feel about inviting people and having to pay for them when you havent seem them in forever. Maybe if you and your FI are paying for everything, you will have to tell your family if they want certain ppl invited they have to help pay for them. Just a thought!

 

 

*Casey*

[hotlantabride]

I don't think your guest should have to pay for food. They are already spending money to travel with you. I think there may have to be a change of tradition of your fiancees side of the family.

[MJKH]

I agree with all the other ladies!  I would cut costs in other areas WAAAAAY before I would ask my guests to pay for their own meal at my wedding.  I have never heard of a guest attending a wedding and having to pay for their meal...sorry, just doesn't seem right to me.

[beachbum21]

Yikes! Tricky situation indeed but I agree with every other lady, no way should your guests pay for their own meal! I would be very offended if I was invited to a wedding and had to pay for my own meal! It is most definitely time for a change in tradition! I also agree that if your/his parents really want to invite people then maybe they can help with costs. Good luck!

[clgriffi7]

I am in complete agreement with all of the other ladies - I would be offended if asked to pay for my meal at any wedding.  I would be even more offended if I were asked to do so after spending so much money to travel to a DW wedding.

 

Hopefully you can show your fiance all of our replies and convince him that the tradition he and his family are accustomed to is not the norm and could offend some of the guests attending - especially your parents!! 

 

It sounds as if you have not sent out your invitations yet - so I would seriously take into account how many people you invite based on the per person cost.  My fiance and I had originally intended to invite anyone and everyone to our DW until we realized it would cost us $100/pp for the cocktail hour and dinner at our resort over the 20 ppl included in the package we purcahsed.  At that point we decided to cut a lot of people off of the list to make sure we could afford the wedding.

 

I do think this is a good opportunity to tell your parents that if you were to invite those aunts and uncles that you haven't seen since you were a baby, that it would be entirely for your parents' benefit.  And as your parents think that guests shouldn't pay for their own meals, then your parents need to pay for those aunts and uncles if they end up coming.

[JayKay]

I would honestly be offended if I was asked to pay for my meal at a wedding, especially a DW when I am paying that much to begin with. 

 

That being said I agree completely with clgriffi7.

 

My FI wanted to invite anyone and everyone, and his parents wanted to invite all the aunts and uncles and cousins (FI has a HUGE family).  I only wanted to invite immediate family and close friends as we are paying for the wedding ourselves and I didnt want to pay for all these people I see once every 10 years.  We came to a compromise and invited around 55 people.  Our of the 55 we are only having 16 guests, which really helped with our costs.  I guess just be concious of how many people you are inviting.