No involvement from parents or future in-laws...

[leahpeah]

My grandparents raised me, and they have now both passed away.  My Grandmother passed in Feb of this year so that alone has made all the planning hard.  But my mother and father are both alive and well, and do you think they've once asked me how the planning is going?  Its not like I want or expect any financial help from them.  I just want to know they care or are interested, at least a little.  And FI's family is just as bad!  He is so close to his mom, which I love, so you'd think that she'd be at least somewhat interested in her son's wedding....right??  Anyone else feel like this?

[Cdunn514]

I am so sorry to hear that I can not imagine how hard that would be.

 

my parents are very supportive but my FI parents are not interested in the wedding at all, the only time they talk about it is when they are complaining that they have to go to Mexico. I keep telling myself that this is our day and if they dont want to be a part of it then that is their problem and in the long run they are the ones that have to live with that not us.

[leahpeah]

That is so great that your parents are being supportive!  I know exactly what you mean about FI's parents.  His have done nothing but complain, and they aren't even going!  They say that can't understand why we would want to get married this way.  The 1st thing that pops in my mind is "well, it is our wedding so shouldn't we do it the way we want?".  But of course I can't say that to them.  I know our special day will be absolutely wonderful, but no matter how many people tell me not to let any of it get to me, and that I should just be grateful he and I have each other (which I AM), it still gets to me.  I'm only human, ya know?

[Cdunn514]

I know what you mean, it is just so frustrating because you want them to care and dont understand why they dont. My FI dad tried telling me that our marriage wont be legal if we get married in Mexico and that I should just do it here and cancel the plans we have already made, he as also asked me how much he would have to pay for me to have the wedding here, yet they have not offered to pay for anything for our actual wedding. I am like you where i do not expect or want financial help, but why can you offer to pay for the whole thing if i have it at home but say nothing about the actual wedding. So even though i say that it doesnt matter it still gets to me so i completely understand where you are coming from.

[AfricanVenus]

Is it possible that one of your parents is still grieving over the loss of their parent? Perhaps they're preoccupied with the aftermath of dealing with estate issues and the headaches involved with that. They may not even realize they're being "unsupportive."

 

Originally Posted by leahpeah 

My grandparents raised me, and they have now both passed away.  My Grandmother passed in Feb of this year so that alone has made all the planning hard.  But my mother and father are both alive and well, and do you think they've once asked me how the planning is going?  Its not like I want or expect any financial help from them.  I just want to know they care or are interested, at least a little.  And FI's family is just as bad!  He is so close to his mom, which I love, so you'd think that she'd be at least somewhat interested in her son's wedding....right??  Anyone else feel like this?

 

[leahpeah]

Obviously, since my Grandparents raised me and not my parents, there's a little more to it.  It was my mom's mother that just passed away and we are all still grieving.  She hasn't had to deal with any of the "estate issues" as the rest of us have.  All she cared about was getting what little amount of money she and her siblings split that was left from the life insurance after the funeral.  My father has no excuse other than that he's just depressed all the time because his life is just so awful, and wants to make us feel sorry for him yet refuses to do anything about it.

 

I do agree that it may happen that way in some situations, but not this one.

[AfricanVenus]

I was just trying to get a more rounded view of the problem. I obviously don't know your family dynamics. However, just because someone was raised by their grandparents doesn't mean their parents are out of the picture or don't matter. It appears your parents matter, as you want them involved in your wedding. If advice was what you were seeking, may I suggest you just privately sit down with them and explain your feelings? You want them to be apart of the day as much as possible, but it's a little sad for you that they seem to be distant? I'm not trying to impose or make assumptions. If the point of your vent was just to ask people if they're going thru something similar in terms of feeling the way you do without any understanding of why your parents may be acting this way, then there's nothing for me to say and I apologize if I offended you.

[leahpeah]

No offense taken.  I really do appreciate the advice and I understand every situation is different.  I just have to accept the fact that you can't change anyone and it is what it is.  For the most part, or in most aspects of my life anyway, I have accepted that fact.  I did a while ago.  But its just been harder for me in this situation.  Thanks for your input, and I apologize if I seem a little snippy.  The big day is getting really close and I've been stressing a lot.

[kymish]

i no just how you feel !! we got engaged in 08 after 2 years together and when my FI told his mom that i said yes her response was "well i thought u were gonna wait a while your not getting married soon right?" totally made me feel like an outsider. while my own family sucks and only my sister will be attending from my side we havent even told his parents yet cause im so nervous about them bashing our plans.. i mentioned our plans for a  2012 wedding to his sister last week on the phone and she said "we prob cant afford it and dont expect my parents to go my mom doesnt wanna travel next  year" like umm gee thanks for the support..so just like u i am familyless and planning on my own. (my sister lived 5 hours away). as much as you try not to let it bother you its heartbreaking to feel like a non priority to those who are suppose to care the most....but remember when u are standing on that beach saying your i do's the person who loves you the most and has made you a priority will be right beside you !