Just starting to plan and NEED HELP!

stephnkev · August 6, 2011

Let me start off by saying my situation is a little different from most! My family (including my parents, one of my aunts, and one of my cousin's family), one of my best friends, and a few other people that are friends with my mom or cousin have already planned to go on vacation to Nassau in August of 2012. My bf and I have been talking about getting married for a while now but just haven't made it official. Long story short...the idea came up for us to get married while we are there on vacation since I have always wanted a DW and this would obviously save us some $$$.

With that being said...We have discussed this with our closest friends and family and they are on board but I'm not sure if we should send invites out to the rest of our family and friends that probably couldn't make it anyway. I discussed this with my mother and she said there was no need to spend the money on it because those that could afford to go would already be there which is a good point because the entire family was invited to go. However, I hate to have anyone get their feelings hurt because they weren't invited. The other problem with this is we have already booked the condos we are staying in and they are completely full with those of us who were originally going; therefore, any other guests would have to stay somewhere else. Bad thing about this is the condos we are staying in are on the opposite side of the island from the rest of the hotels and resorts that I have found.

My next issue is the MOH issue. Because it will be such a small group of us (approx 20 ppl) I was only going to have one person standing with me and one with him. I have already talked to the person I want to stand with me but another of my best friends, who also has already committed to the trip, has hinted to me that she wants to stand up with me. I don't want to hurt her feelings because she is one to get hurt easily. Also there is a pretty good chance her 2 young daughters will be there with her so I'm not sure who she would have watch them. I thought about using this as the reason for not having her as a bridesmaid but then if her girls aren't able to go what is my reason then. I have spoke to the friend I have chosen to be my MOH about this (we are all mutual friends) and she agrees that the other friend will be hurt and has offered to step down and let the other friend take her place. Do I really wanna choose my MOH by who won't get their feelings hurt though? I hope that wasn't too confusing!

Sorry this is so long...any input or advice would be wonderful!

JayKay · August 10, 2011

Is quite a unique situation...

I would say if you want to get married when you are there then do it!! Also, Its truly up to you if you want to spend the money on invitations to send to people you think wouldnt come. But suprisingly some people may come if they received an invitation. I guess it really depends on if you want to have any more people with you and the cost of the invitations. You could also send out an e invite or a STD which isnt quite as formal and usually doesnt cost as much money.

As to where your other guests would stay, if they truly wanted to come they would regardless if they had to drive all the way across the island. Or, they would find accomodations that were closer to where you were going to be.

We are only having a small wedding party with each having only one standing up for us. This did cause a few hard feelings for some of my friends, but they quickly got over it. I still included them in the wedding planning and asked for their help with things so they felt like they were included. You could maybe give her a different wedding related task so she feels included in your special day!

Good luck with everything, let us know how it turns out!!

clgriffi7 · August 10, 2011

I would say not to send out invitations to others because you could explain that you and your fiance decided about getting married on the vacation after it was already booked. One thing you could do is to plan some sort of party (as expensive or inexpensive) as you want to celebrate with other family and friends when you get back home and you could send out an invitation for that. The ladies on here call those AHR (At Home Receptions) - I am calling mine at AHP (At Home Party) because we are not serving a meal and it will just be a fun party.

As for the friend - is there a second person that could stand up with your fiance? I know it isn't what you wanted, but if this lady is a good friend and you know she will be hurt if she is not asked then you will save yourself a lot of drama by just asking her. One possibility is to ask her and in the same breath say "I know you may not be able to stand up as part of the wedding because you will have to look after your daughters and just know that I would completely understand." In that scenario she wouldn't be hurt because she was asked and you would get to keep it at just one BM.

Best of luck.

futuremrstgun · August 10, 2011

CONGRATULATIONS and WELCOME to BDW.com...

your situation does sound tricky..maybe you should send a nice announcement after the fact and/or get married at home..have a small reception where those that won't be in the island with you can attend and shower you two with gifts and well wishes...that way the legal part is out of the way AND your friends and family that won't make it to the island can participate...its almost the best of both worlds...

you'd still get your DW in the island AND you'd avoid hurting anyone's feelings. as for the MOH..uhm, opt out of it..altogether..just have you and your fiance stand up and let everyone else be guests..if you don't choose anyone..no one's feelings can be hurt...i mean, they could still be hurt but you wouldn't be the one hurting them..hope that makes sense... lol!!!

good luck and happy planning!!

R~

hotlantabride · August 17, 2011

Congratulations to you and your Fiance,

This is a sticky situation simply go with your hear invite those people that you couldn't see yourself getting married without. Maybe people that didn't want to go will make a way to see you married. If not it was there choice. As far as changing your number of bridesmaids. If she is a true friend she will truly understand your wishes and be OK with doing something else during the wedding.

Good Luck!

frazam · August 17, 2011

A tricky situation indeed. It's your wedding, you decide who the MOH should be. If the other gets hurt, if she is really your friend, talk to her one on one and explain the situation. As for the invites, I think it's better to send out invites. It's better to have to spend a little more than to have ill will breed among family and friends (which in some cases may last forever). The trick is, if someone unexpected decides to attend you can tell them that booking is full (not your fault, just so happens that tourists go there too), and if they want to attend you can help them find a place to stay, but that is all you can help with... but that's just my suggestion.

In short, do what you want to do, but be mindful of burning bridges in the process.