Difficult Family - still 16months to go!

pommie in aussi · February 17, 2012

I feel peoples pain! I thought doing a DW ould be the best thing for both me and my FI, Im English and currently down under! Where my FI is from! so we thought half way would be fair instead of planning 2 weddings!!! Everyone but my sister was excited who said from the get go, she would not attend the wedding as it was selfish, why should she spend all that money when she may start saving for her own wedding in 3-4 years time, and she would have to tell her kids that santa would not come this year because of your aunty! Well im heart broken by this, as I said I would pay for the kids flights and room costs! my parents where not happy when she then bought a new sofa that cost double the price of a flight! Now that she is upset she is now playing the victim, im getting hate mail now from her boyfriends, mother boyfriend calling me aa stupid cow and a evil selfish B****!!! It was meant to be the happiest time of my life now I really don't know what to do anymore can't stop crying......

Brenners · February 17, 2012

pommie in aussi, I am so sorry. I went through the same thing as none of my family attended my wedding when they originally all said they would be there when we discussed a destination wedding a year ago. I knew my parents could not make it as my dad's health was poor but he would not be able to make it to a church next door either so that made little difference. Then my dad died in March 2011 and everything went to hell. My family thought I was selfish for continuing with our plans for a DW and told me so many times. My wedding was last Saturday and my brother paid for his family to fly to FL and go to Disney World which is more expensive than Mexico to let me know that he thought nothing of me and my wedding. But you know what? I don't care. If my family had been there, it would have been non-stop drama and no fun. Instead, I had my FI's family there and our closest friends - all of whom support and love us both and were so happy for us. I did not think about my family at all. I called my mom the morning of our wedding to be kind but did not call again until after we go back. I had the wedding of my dreams despite my family's best efforts to ruin it for me. I realize that I do not want or need people like that in my life and it doesn't matter if they are "family" because people who truly care about you would never treat you like that. Have your wedding the way you want it and the people that matter will be there. Ignore anyone else.

Originally Posted by pommie in aussi

I feel peoples pain! I thought doing a DW ould be the best thing for both me and my FI, Im English and currently down under! Where my FI is from! so we thought half way would be fair instead of planning 2 weddings!!! Everyone but my sister was excited who said from the get go, she would not attend the wedding as it was selfish, why should she spend all that money when she may start saving for her own wedding in 3-4 years time, and she would have to tell her kids that santa would not come this year because of your aunty! Well im heart broken by this, as I said I would pay for the kids flights and room costs! my parents where not happy when she then bought a new sofa that cost double the price of a flight! Now that she is upset she is now playing the victim, im getting hate mail now from her boyfriends, mother boyfriend calling me aa stupid cow and a evil selfish B****!!! It was meant to be the happiest time of my life now I really don't know what to do anymore can't stop crying......

Sunshine2680 · February 17, 2012

OMG! sorry to be harsh here - and i know its easier said than done but u shud tell ur sister to shove it where the sun

dont shine! Give me a break! This is YOUR wedding..NOT HER'S!...if she would rather spend the money on a couch than your special day then let her..and she'll be regretting everything when the day comes and everyone is gone to enjoy your day and she's at home miserable.
Ive had a few people back out ..even lost their deposit..and even people who keep saying theyre coming and then change their minds.
ive learned that whatever will be..will be...and ive got too many other things to worry about who will make it to my wedding.
Don't shed any tears because they say you're selfish...you're allowed to be a little bit selfish for your wedding!
Again - i know its easier said than done..but you can't let your sister get to you otherwise she'll ruin your whole entire experience. You prob shud just sit her down and tell her that you wish more than anything she'd make efforts to come but if she's so against it you'll understand her not being there. Or something like that.

Chin up - it will all work itself out!

Originally Posted by pommie in aussi

I feel peoples pain! I thought doing a DW ould be the best thing for both me and my FI, Im English and currently down under! Where my FI is from! so we thought half way would be fair instead of planning 2 weddings!!! Everyone but my sister was excited who said from the get go, she would not attend the wedding as it was selfish, why should she spend all that money when she may start saving for her own wedding in 3-4 years time, and she would have to tell her kids that santa would not come this year because of your aunty! Well im heart broken by this, as I said I would pay for the kids flights and room costs! my parents where not happy when she then bought a new sofa that cost double the price of a flight! Now that she is upset she is now playing the victim, im getting hate mail now from her boyfriends, mother boyfriend calling me aa stupid cow and a evil selfish B****!!! It was meant to be the happiest time of my life now I really don't know what to do anymore can't stop crying......

Peach · February 17, 2012

Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this!

I have now been told that my entire family will likely NOT be there. I am trying to pay for my sister to come, since she is the only one really psyched for us, but she will only be 17 at the time, so I do not know how it will go.

I have been so worried about missing them and possibly regretting it the day of. The biggest thing keeping me from changing my mind is that they could make it work if they really wanted to; it is just not a priority at all. So, if they come they come, and if now, then I will missing out on crazy whining and drama.... not a bad thing either.

Thank you so much for posting this! I feel so, so much better hearing from another bride dealing with her own family, after the fact, and not regretting anything.

You have no idea how much it helps me to have read this.

Originally Posted by Brenners

pommie in aussi, I am so sorry. I went through the same thing as none of my family attended my wedding when they originally all said they would be there when we discussed a destination wedding a year ago. I knew my parents could not make it as my dad's health was poor but he would not be able to make it to a church next door either so that made little difference. Then my dad died in March 2011 and everything went to hell. My family thought I was selfish for continuing with our plans for a DW and told me so many times. My wedding was last Saturday and my brother paid for his family to fly to FL and go to Disney World which is more expensive than Mexico to let me know that he thought nothing of me and my wedding. But you know what? I don't care. If my family had been there, it would have been non-stop drama and no fun. Instead, I had my FI's family there and our closest friends - all of whom support and love us both and were so happy for us. I did not think about my family at all. I called my mom the morning of our wedding to be kind but did not call again until after we go back. I had the wedding of my dreams despite my family's best efforts to ruin it for me. I realize that I do not want or need people like that in my life and it doesn't matter if they are "family" because people who truly care about you would never treat you like that. Have your wedding the way you want it and the people that matter will be there. Ignore anyone else.