Guest List Trouble

[Sllefebvr]

WOW!! That is a HUGE guest list!! My FI was actually invited to his cousins wedding when we first started dating and I wasn't invited due to only married or engaged couples were allowed.. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do...
 

Originally Posted by hotlantabride 

Actually Most people will be coming from Bermuda. We are trying to have no more then 200 guest. If we where going to have it in Bermuda the guest list would be over 450.

 

[bmadzia1]

Regardless of what you do, you'll be the talk of the island anyways ... If you say 'adults only', some won't come because they won't have an option to leave kids behind. If you say married or engaged only; that's just plain rude (my opinion) - who are you going to toss the bouquet to LOL ...  Just like the other bride said; totally different process for DW; the most unexpected people book first, and the ones that said all along "I'LL be there no matter what" start talking behind your back and don't end up coming..... I'd send out the invitations for whoever is on your list, and count for about 50% to come.

[torilynnsmith]

WOW!!! SO it really is a DW for you but I like how you call it a reverse DW!  That being said do you think that a lot of people from Bermuda will come?  It is the same if not more costs associated (flight, hotel, meals, travel etc.)?  I know this is what likely cut our guest list down substantially as well as timing (we invited all but RSVPs are based on these factors).  You know your list better than we do but I would expect if everyone is travelling you can anticipate seeing a substantial reduction in your RSVPd guests unless you are chartering a plane and paying for everything, people are more hesitant!

Originally Posted by hotlantabride 

Actually Most people will be coming from Bermuda. We are trying to have no more then 200 guest. If we where going to have it in Bermuda the guest list would be over 450.

 

[JayKay]

A reverse DW how neat!

 

As to guest list this was a big issue between my Fi and I.  I wanted to have only immediate family and close friends, but in the end we invited more then just that.  My parents each have 12 siblings and I have a million and one cousins (well not really, but seems like it!!), who are mostly all married and have their own kids.  The invite all of those would be about 200 people and my FIs family would be about another 200.  So what we did was just addressed the invites to each of my aunties and uncles and family.  We knew that most of my cousins and their families wouldnt come but we still wanted them to be invited and not felt left out.  In the end we ended up sending out almost 150 invites and we only have 16 people coming plus us. 

[hotlantabride]

Thank you everyone for such good advice. I will let you know what we finally decide.

[celticgirl]

Could someone please explain to me WHY having children at a wedding is so bad? I really dont understand it, I see A LOT of people saying they went with the "no children" option.  For me, I have a 8 month old, and I couldnt imagine not having him there (given this is not most situations).... but I would like to know, whats wrong with kids?! lol, its been confusing me so if someone could please explain!! as for the couples, I really dont think you should invite one and not the other, I would be offended if I was asked to go to a wedding without my FI and expected me to dish out that cash. (especially because I would either have to pay the single rate OR be paired up with someone else).. I would give Tori's post a read, because I agree 100%!

[Sllefebvr]

We are having children at our wedding but my FI's brother did not.. Their wedding was local and they wanted the adults to be able to "enjoy" themselves and not have to worry about taking care of children. I am guessing this is most people's reasoning. I'm really not sure though!! It also blows my mind because the more kids the merrier at our wedding!! They make everything so much more fun!!
 

Originally Posted by celticgirl 

Could someone please explain to me WHY having children at a wedding is so bad? I really dont understand it, I see A LOT of people saying they went with the "no children" option.  For me, I have a 8 month old, and I couldnt imagine not having him there (given this is not most situations).... but I would like to know, whats wrong with kids?! lol, its been confusing me so if someone could please explain!! as for the couples, I really dont think you should invite one and not the other, I would be offended if I was asked to go to a wedding without my FI and expected me to dish out that cash. (especially because I would either have to pay the single rate OR be paired up with someone else).. I would give Tori's post a read, because I agree 100%!

 

[future mrs k]

I think it is just a matter of opinion as far as having kids at a wedding.  I know for my first wedding to my children's dad they were the only kids that came.  They stayed for the supper and then went home when the bar and dance floor opened up.  It is just my opinion but I did not want my kids around a bunch of people drinking and I didn't want to have to make someone else look after them while trying to enjoy themselves either.  They were 16 months and 3 months old.  Now as for my second wedding (which is in three months!!!)  we are not bringing my children either who are now 6,5 and just about 4.  It is our opinion that it is expensive as it is for us to get married (70 plus guests joining us in Mexico) and to bring them adds to the finance burden.  Don't get me wrong I love my children more then anything in the world but they are not old enough to appreciate us spending that kind of money on them plus having to have someone look after them while we are doing the whole wedding thing would be a challenge.  I do not want to rely on others that have paid thousands of dollars to join us to be my "babysitters".  There will be children at our wedding, just not mine and I do not have to worry about arranging adequate supervision for the ones that are coming.  Besides we are getting legally married at home and the kids are most excited about the "kid wedding" as they have been calling it.  They think it is just a wedding for them and that they get to marry my fiancee....So in the end it is totally your preference and I think as long as you are fair to everyone (no exceptions) and are polite and tactful about it then people will understand.

[Peach]

Okay, this is really tough. What do you define as long term?  Nothing upset me more (before we were engaged) that some people didn't consider FI and I "long term" because we were not married or engaged or whatever, even though we were together for longer than a lot of people, and living together and everything. 

The way we are doing it is that, if we know you and your partner is long-term, the invite is addressed to both. Otherwise, just you. NO ONE is being invited who will have no one else there - family or other friends or whatever - but that just luckily worked out with our friends and family. 

Does that make sense? I think you do not need to add an "and guest" if you do not already know WHO exactly that guest is going to be.

 

I do agree with torilynnsmith - would YOU want to go without your partner? Or your kids? Also, I LOVE the idea of supplying childcare - I have seen this done and it works out wonderfully!

 

I do not want this to come off as rude; just remember not to stress - it will all work out!