AHR Drama

[JenFL]

I'm wondering if anyone else is having a similar issue (plus need to vent!)

 

Once the wedding plans were announced (DW in Mexico), FI's parents planned on a reception in MI (me and FI live in FL) as he has a large family that all would not be able to attend. From day one we were not totally on board with the whole large reception hall, band, etc. Basically it was a regular wedding reception - we said something at the house would be fine but nope, hall and band were booked. Fast forward a few months and something happens where his parents are asking about other places to stay that are less expensive (keep in mind we told them what the budget for the weekend in Mexico - $2k for room and air).

 

Things have now blown up. I can't get to the bottom of it (its between him and his parents) but I think they were thinking my parents were going to pay for them to go down there, or maybe that they would help pay for the reception (btw my parents are paying for the entire wedding, honeymoon and for my sister and BFF)? I have no idea and neither does FI (or he's not telling me). But now FI has told his parents he is cancelling the reception up north which of course has upset them. But its going to end up costing them somewhere around 15k - 20k for what? A dinner?

 

Has anyone else gone through this? I'm trying to keep my distance. I've said my part to FI - that we could do a family party at his parent's house and I would be fine with that.

 

All I know is that I'm glad I have not started printing the invites yet.

[Samantha88k]

I have had similar issues but not quite as dramatic (even though at the time it was frustrating and I'm still a little bitter).  My fiance and his parents wanted and AHR, at first I thought of course, a small BBQ or something just to celebrate would be great since I have a large extended family that will not being traveling to MX with us. Well, that very quickly turned into a regular old wedding reception booked in a hotel banquet hall with a full dinner.

 

I tried to fight it as long as I could explaining that the cost to have this big reception wasn't worth it or at all necessary. I lost. My issue is with the fact that we are basically paying for this sit down dinner reception so that his mother can invite all her nutty friends and show off (I feel this way because she refused to do a BBQ because she said she has used coupons long enough and wants to spend the money---ok, but then why complain about the cost of MX??).

 

So, basically I have agreed to this big reception (I get to wear my dress again at least ) but my fiance and I have trimmed the actual dinner guest list WAY down in order to cut costs. We will ultimately end up with a dance party of 300+ people but only dinner for 150ish.

 

Do your parents communicate with his? Was anything said that would  make his parents think that your parents would be footing the bill for their trip?

[JenFL]

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one   There is no reason why they would think my parents would be footing the bill. From the beginning we told them (and everyone) what to expect for 2 people for 3 nights plus air. I have no idea why its such a surprise now. Plus - there are no other resorts in the area are less expensive. There is no way I'm having anyone stay in the hotel zone in Cancun during March/spring break.

 

For right now FI is set on canceling the whole thing - its supposed to be 150 - 200 people. Once you add in the band, flowers, cake (which I don't want - this isn't a wedding) it gets expensive. I know its for the family - they feeling is that it is FI's parent's turn to throw a big wedding. Hopefully everyone will come to an agreement so I can order supplies and start making invites!

[Samantha88k]

I have heard all of that before...the parent's throwing a big wedding etc. It just seems like so much extra work to me! Good luck!! Hopefully his parent's will come to their senses.

[lovepea]

Oh I am so with you sister!  FI's mom says "we have to have a party here".  I agree that we can do one at her house, just keep it really casual, have a friend DJ, FI will brew the beer for it, we can cook the food.  Just a party. 

 

Now, she keeps adding things to it.  "I think we need to have a dance floor if we are having a DJ".  ok... "I want to have it catered"...

 

so it's not the same story as yours, it's so odd how it goes out of control, even though this is what we were trying to avoid by having a wedding away from home.

 

 

[Samantha88k]

So true!! I keep thinking how did my small intimate beach wedding turn into a big fancy reception? My FI's older sister has never been married and so his mom seems to be trying to become more and more involved almost as if she thinks she is the mother of the bride. Very odd. We don't have the greatest history (my FI and I have been together since high school and shortly after getting engaged she made it seem as though she was trying to drive a wedge between us...pulling the "I'm your mom" guilt trip) so I tend to get really frustrated with her very easily!

 

A good friend told me "We don't choose our in-laws"--Perfect thought process!!
 

Originally Posted by lovepea 

Oh I am so with you sister!  FI's mom says "we have to have a party here".  I agree that we can do one at her house, just keep it really casual, have a friend DJ, FI will brew the beer for it, we can cook the food.  Just a party. 

 

Now, she keeps adding things to it.  "I think we need to have a dance floor if we are having a DJ".  ok... "I want to have it catered"...

 

so it's not the same story as yours, it's so odd how it goes out of control, even though this is what we were trying to avoid by having a wedding away from home.

 

 

 

[Evgal]

Things are so different these days.  I think some parents always dreamed of their children's wedding going a certain way and get upset when its not what they had visioned.

[Samantha88k]

Very true. I grew up in a not sooo traditional family and my FI's family is the extreme opposite! Makes for some interesting conversations!!

Originally Posted by Evgal 

Things are so different these days.  I think some parents always dreamed of their children's wedding going a certain way and get upset when its not what they had visioned.

 

[anna524]

i hope everything works out for you!!!