Bridesmaid Drama....Already?!?

[kswereda]

Didn't know if I should have started a new thread or just continued on from this one..I am pretty new at this so sorry if this isn't the right place to post this!

 

Anyways, to give a bit of background story...

 

I met my best friend (MOH) in grade 9(Kerri) and have been super close since then, so it was a no-brainer to pick her as my MOH as she truly knows me best. My sister was another no-brainer to be a bridesmaid.  I met another super good friend in grade 10 (Sarah), and have been close with her as well ever since so she was also picked. The three of us (MOH Kerri and Sarah) met 3 other great girls in grade 11 at a hockey party and soon after it became the 6 of us who did everything today. All played sports together, hung out 3-4 times a week after school, etc. I still felt closer to Kerri and Sarah just because I had known them longer and another girl Katelyn (one of the 3 girls we met at the party) and I really took a closeness to each other. Confused yet? Anyways, Katelyn was also picked because we just always had a close bond. The other two girls I still considered good friends I just wasn't AS close to them as the others. So when it came time to picking bridesmaids, I decided on Kerri, my sister, Sarah and Katelyn. Wanted to keep it at 4, because it being a DW and all. I really didn't want anymore than 5, and I wasn't going to cut one of the other girls so I decided to not have the two girls as my bridesmaids.

 

I get a facebook message from one of the two girls saying how dissapointed she was in me (she found out who my bridesmaids were) that I didn't "tell her to her face" who my bridesmaids were. She said she wasn't mad at all and understood but couldnt help feel hurt that I didnt bother to tell her. Am I in the wrong here? I didn't think it was the norm to tell people that they WEREN'T in your bridal party...I didn't go parading around with my bridesmaids (I live 2 hours away from them), I knew that they would find out I just didn't expect the one girl to react like that (the other girl was completely cool with it). I feel super bad, should I have said something to her? I wasn't trying to be rude or anything I just truly thought that I didn't need to tell her...

 

I've apologized to her but don't really know what else to say because she is still acting cold towards me. Any ideas or opinions ladies? I'm at a loss here..

[kswereda]

I just re-read that, sorry if its confusing! I'm not the best at writing!

[BusyBee123]

Hey you...

 

I totally understand where you are coming from.  I had a similar thing happen to me when I chose my bridesmaids, so I can relate.  In brief, one of my close friends (that I had assumed would be a bridesmaid, as I was a bridesmaid at her wedding 3mos earlier), started to act really rude whenever my wedding came up in conversation.  She kept telling me that no one cared enough about me to travel all the way to Jamaica, that my colour choice wasn't as nice as hers, that my dress wasn't what she thought I should have picked, etc. etc.  She was AWFUL to me.  Essentially she wasn't yet ready to let go of being the centre of attention and being the bridezilla she was around her own wedding.  So although she was a close friend, I selected 2 BM instead of 3, which worked as my FI is only having 2 groomsmen.   I knew that she just assumed that she was in the bridal party, so I wrote her a really long email explaining (we live 6hrs away) that I knew she had a lot of stress in her life post wedding with moving, etc. and that although I wanted her to be there that I just didn't feel comfortable having her be a BM in my wedding.  I told her that I still loved her as a person and wanted her to be there, but that I just couldn't add to her workload right now.  I tried to be as polite as I could and didn't even bring up how awful she had been making me feel.

 

As a response, I got a text message saying I should have told her months in advance and before she paid her deposit for the trip.  She also told me that she was no longer coming to the wedding.  I contacted her again and tried to reason with her, but she has since cut off all communication!  Immediately following I was devastated...I couldn't believe that anyone would react like that!  I could not believe that someone I had once lived with and counted on tremendously would treat me like that.  

 

All that being said, at least you are still in contact and this person has reached out to you.  I would try to acknowledge her feelings and let her know that understand that she is hurt.  I would try to explain to her that it is based on numbers, especially being a destination wedding.  You could also try to incorporate her into the wedding in another way if you want to, with a reading or a song or something at the ceremony.  That being said it is entirely up to you.  It is your wedding and you have every right to have who you want standing next to you on your big day.  In the end it will all work out and you will have the wedding of your dreams.  

 

Best of luck and keep us posted!  At least you know you're not alone...we've all had our share of BM drama!  

 

Originally Posted by kswereda 

Didn't know if I should have started a new thread or just continued on from this one..I am pretty new at this so sorry if this isn't the right place to post this!

 

Anyways, to give a bit of background story...

 

I met my best friend (MOH) in grade 9(Kerri) and have been super close since then, so it was a no-brainer to pick her as my MOH as she truly knows me best. My sister was another no-brainer to be a bridesmaid.  I met another super good friend in grade 10 (Sarah), and have been close with her as well ever since so she was also picked. The three of us (MOH Kerri and Sarah) met 3 other great girls in grade 11 at a hockey party and soon after it became the 6 of us who did everything today. All played sports together, hung out 3-4 times a week after school, etc. I still felt closer to Kerri and Sarah just because I had known them longer and another girl Katelyn (one of the 3 girls we met at the party) and I really took a closeness to each other. Confused yet? Anyways, Katelyn was also picked because we just always had a close bond. The other two girls I still considered good friends I just wasn't AS close to them as the others. So when it came time to picking bridesmaids, I decided on Kerri, my sister, Sarah and Katelyn. Wanted to keep it at 4, because it being a DW and all. I really didn't want anymore than 5, and I wasn't going to cut one of the other girls so I decided to not have the two girls as my bridesmaids.

 

I get a facebook message from one of the two girls saying how dissapointed she was in me (she found out who my bridesmaids were) that I didn't "tell her to her face" who my bridesmaids were. She said she wasn't mad at all and understood but couldnt help feel hurt that I didnt bother to tell her. Am I in the wrong here? I didn't think it was the norm to tell people that they WEREN'T in your bridal party...I didn't go parading around with my bridesmaids (I live 2 hours away from them), I knew that they would find out I just didn't expect the one girl to react like that (the other girl was completely cool with it). I feel super bad, should I have said something to her? I wasn't trying to be rude or anything I just truly thought that I didn't need to tell her...

 

I've apologized to her but don't really know what else to say because she is still acting cold towards me. Any ideas or opinions ladies? I'm at a loss here..

 

[kat2012]

I think you should have messaged 2 other girls first ( that you were not going to include ) and explain it all to them. And then ask your girls to be your bridesmaids, that way they would not be hurt. I guess it is too late now, maybe you should include them in the wedding too as special quests and ask them to do a reading or some other important to you stuff. Good luck!

[kswereda]

Thanks BusyBee, glad i'm not the only one going through this! Although now it has all calmed down. Kat, that is what I definitely what I should have done. But your right, too late now and i'll definitely try and incorporate them somehow into the wedding! Too bad I didn't find this forum sooner! So many girls on here going through the same things and you all are so helpful with advice!

[lovepea]

It's always touchy when someone feels left out or excluded.  When you are the one not chosen, it is very hard to see reason.  Maybe the other two friends didn't realize you weren't as close to them as they thought they were to you.  Just try to include all of them as much as possible.

 

 

[kswereda]

Lovepea, thats very true I didn't even think about that. I hate hurting peoples feelings, I still feel so torn up about this but I am definitely going to include them with as much as possible! I think i'll ask one of them to MC...not sure if thats DW appropriate? Oh i'll think of something! Thanks for all your inputs!