To registry or not to registry??

[susan1672]

I agree - I think it's better to at least have a registry than to not have one, especially for those who can't attend the wedding. I think we are going to do the honeymood fund because although Jamaica is great, I want my true honeymoon to be in Tahiti in an overwater bungalow! LOL

[yunric]

LOVE this thread...

 

I have had my own house for 12 years and he the same.  We are now consolidating and have 2 of EVERYTHING...  Kijiji has become his BFF.  I love the wording above, and also am thinking about a honeymoon registry.  Has anyone used or heard about a good one?

 

Some of my parent's and his parent"s friends are not joining us, but wish to gift us.  My MOH said I have to do something...

 

 

[vav11238]

We debated about it as everyone who plans a destination wedding must and we did. People will give if they can and those that cannot won't. Also, we invited 120 people with 50 attending. All the ones who aren't will - according to my mom, since they are largely her friends - buy the most expensive of gifts to compensate. 

 

I had also intended on writing a 'your presence is our present. please do not give us wedding gifts' or something corny like that on our wedding website but my parents told us not to. People who cannot afford it don't need to be told. They no their bank accounts but why turn cash away from those who can. So instead, I sent private emails to my friends to make sure they knew that I'd rather them attend then ay gift they'd give. And they all loved that. They did, however, get us engagement/shower gifts. Typically the lower priced items but still gifts are gifts.

 

I say go for it!  
 

Originally Posted by beachbum21 

Hi everyone!
I'm newly engaged and have found these forums incredibly helpful!! We are having our wedding in Jamaica next year and are trying to decide between registering for gifts or not.  Neither of us really want to because it's a destination wedding and it's such a huge expense, we don't want our guests to give us gifts, their attendance is more than enough.  That being said, I know there will be people who can't make it and still want to give a gift, my dilemma is if I don't register, will people feel forced to give cash if they don't want to?? I would just give cash myself, but don't want people to feel they have to? Help! What is everyone else doing?

 

My apologies if there is already a string about this, I couldn't find one

Thanks for your help!

 

[favorsmr]

I will be having a registry, but most likely a small one. Coming to the wedding is a big deal so we definitely don't want anyone to think we expect a gift on top of that!  But as it's been said here, some people who wouldn't be able to make the wedding will want to give and others will just insist on giving something, so a registry will hopefully alleviate everyone asking.

[Peach]

We will be doing a small registry, but we are having at least one shower and a AHR, and we know that people - specifically, my side - will get us gifts anyway. 

On the pre-travel brochure I will send out a month or two before, I will list a gift under the heading "what not to bring" with the phrase, "your presence is present enough!" We will just be posting our registry details on our website.

 

I wanted to chime in on the topic. I worked for a couple years in a retail kitchen store that did a LOT of registries. Most of the people who came in were frantic. They did not know what the bride wanted, or what they already had, but wanted to get them something. Even if they did not purchase something from the registry, they were always happy to see the styles and such. I even had several people - usually older, which surprised me - who were upset when they did not know if the bride had registered. They said they would rather have the information included in the invite. They did not want to go to the trouble of tracking down the mob, or moh, especially if they were from the groom's side. I found this interesting.... I always thought it was in bad taste to put your registry info in writing on your invite?

 

Anyway, I never once, in 2 years, had anyone say that they did not like the couple being registered. I did, however, see people getting really stressed when they felt like they HAD to buy something but had absolutely no idea what.

 

So, with that being said, even though FI and I have lived together for many, many years by the time we walk down the aisle, we will register. And yes, if we can replace some of our hand-me-down items with new things, then so be it! (Although, of course, we would really love cash, but we will not say that.)

[vav11238]

I completely agree with you. I, too, use to work at a the largest store for registering and people would be frantic about gifts. 

 

And it's been a recent thing, not writing where you're registered within invitations. What I did - ordered a separate little card that had our monogram and behind it that the couple were registered at Macy's. And I chose only one store to make it easy on everyone (mainly me, I live abroad and when I'm in the states I'd rather not have to run around a hundred stores). If you're going to have a shower, you really should register. Just make it vast on high and low price points. 

Originally Posted by Peach 

We will be doing a small registry, but we are having at least one shower and a AHR, and we know that people - specifically, my side - will get us gifts anyway. 

On the pre-travel brochure I will send out a month or two before, I will list a gift under the heading "what not to bring" with the phrase, "your presence is present enough!" We will just be posting our registry details on our website.

 

I wanted to chime in on the topic. I worked for a couple years in a retail kitchen store that did a LOT of registries. Most of the people who came in were frantic. They did not know what the bride wanted, or what they already had, but wanted to get them something. Even if they did not purchase something from the registry, they were always happy to see the styles and such. I even had several people - usually older, which surprised me - who were upset when they did not know if the bride had registered. They said they would rather have the information included in the invite. They did not want to go to the trouble of tracking down the mob, or moh, especially if they were from the groom's side. I found this interesting.... I always thought it was in bad taste to put your registry info in writing on your invite?

 

Anyway, I never once, in 2 years, had anyone say that they did not like the couple being registered. I did, however, see people getting really stressed when they felt like they HAD to buy something but had absolutely no idea what.

 

So, with that being said, even though FI and I have lived together for many, many years by the time we walk down the aisle, we will register. And yes, if we can replace some of our hand-me-down items with new things, then so be it! (Although, of course, we would really love cash, but we will not say that.)

 

[Peach]

Good point on the differing price points. I once saw a chart somewhere that recommended the quantity of items you should register for at each price point based on the number of people you are having at your wedding and shower.

Of course, now I cannot find that chart anywhere!

But the point is, to have a few at different price points. It seemed rude to ask for expensive things to me, since I am going to not have a huge wedding, but then I have to remember that sometimes a group will go in together to buy one thing. So do a variety of items at a variety of prices.
 

Originally Posted by vav11238 

I completely agree with you. I, too, use to work at a the largest store for registering and people would be frantic about gifts. 

 

And it's been a recent thing, not writing where you're registered within invitations. What I did - ordered a separate little card that had our monogram and behind it that the couple were registered at Macy's. And I chose only one store to make it easy on everyone (mainly me, I live abroad and when I'm in the states I'd rather not have to run around a hundred stores). If you're going to have a shower, you really should register. Just make it vast on high and low price points. 

 

 

[Manda123]

Interesting discussion, ladies!

 

Here's my experience: we ended up not doing a registry. I felt that if people saw we had a registry, they would feel like they would need to buy us a gift, even though we said "no gifts, please!". We aren't having an AHR, and we have almost 70 people travelling with us. I think people are spending enough to come, but I know some people - older family members especially - will get us gifts, regardless. My lovely BMs threw me a surprise wedding shower a couple of months ago, and since I didn't have a registry, they had a theme - Stock the Bar! Just an hour ago my FI and were counting the number of martini shakers we got - 4! The theme was a lot of fun, and we got a ton of bottles of wine, glasses, liquor, etc, but in retrospect, it might have been easier for everyone if we had registered somewhere in this circumstance.

 

We have already received a few gifts from people who are and aren't attending the wedding in a couple of weeks. The gifts have been cash and gift cards. I think that if people don't know what you want, they will probably get you either cash or a generic gift card, which I think are great!

 

 

All in all, we are happy with the decision we made not to have a registry.

 

 

[arielh]

This is a great thread!!!

 

We also had a hard time debting on registering or not, but have decided to register because we are also having an AHR and a shower. We are going to put a lot of those smaller items on (I hate when you look at a registry and it's all bigger stuff, which isn't what you are really looking for when attending a bridal shower). Like others, we already live together, but would love to replace some things with better quality Thanks for everyone's opinion - this website has been the best thing to ever happen to me haha!!

[lolo411]

Great thread. I think we will have a small registry because we are having a really small wedding with only our parents and siblings and I know some friends and co-workers want to get us gifts knowing just because they've known us for quite sometime (and won't take no for an answer), but we've told our familes who are invited not to get us anything.