To registry or not to registry??

[AnaSteele58]

We are in the same boat - didn't want to have a registry since everyone is shelling out so much to be there, but we have had had a lot of gift inquiries so we decided to do 2 versions - 1 is a traditional registry and the other is something I thought of...a DIY registry where I give guests some wedding projects and the responsibility of transporting them to JA.  I am asking them to keep it under wraps so the other guests are still surprised, but we'll see how it ends up.  Also, we are planning to have frames that say  "Many Thanks to  ______ for This Amazing Contribution" or "Lovingly Created by ______".  It will take a huge load off my shoulders plus I love the idea of family and friends putting their energy into creating our wedding.

What a terrific idea! Hmmm

[Jenny2014]

I refused to create a regular registry. Even though I was getting so much pressure to create one, we have been living together for 8 years- we don't need anything, and if we do, we just buy it ourselves!

 

So I created a honeymoon registry- http://www.honeyfund.com/wedding/amirandjenny
 

I put a big disclaimer on our wedding website that there is absolutely no expectation of gifts, that people coming to our wedding was gift enough. But that this is being created for the sake of those who want to give us something/ cant come and want a way to provide a gift.

 

I like that there is no cost to the guest if they choose to use a credit card to pay through paypal, that it is a cost to me. And that we can make it more applicable to our lives- donations to charities (as FI works for a not for profit), contributing to us buying a house (in this crazy expensive market), or helping us have a beautiful honeymoon.

[Kel123073]

We went thru the same issues, we have lived together for several years and at first I didn't want a shower because I thought if people are going to travel for my wedding then I don't expect shower gifts... My mom was adamant she was throwing me a shower.  She said it is  your turn and you have always been so generous to everyone else!  She also said this is a way for people to celebrate with you especially if they can't come to the wedding, they are still included in some festivities!  Good Point mom, because I do have relatives that can't come for financial as well as other reasons.  And it was nice to celebrate with them!

 

 I kept thinking we have everything we need because we live together already! We registered at Crate and Barrel, as well as Bed Bath and Beyond.  I didn't want china! never have! plus we live in a good size rental in NJ but I don't have a china cabinet and I don't want one! lol  I have nice dishes already for everyday from crate and barrel lol.... so I was like what are we going to choose??  Believe it or not  We spruced up our place!!!  table runner, napkins and napking rings, new sheets, new shower curtains, beautiful drinkwear etc.....

 

I also would have loved cash but didn't know how to really ask for that..... wouldn't have gone over well in my family!  and registering for the trip.....sorry I think its like asking everyone else to pay for your wedding since it is a destination wedding.....we didn't feel right about that at all!  It definitely is a tricky situation

 

kelly

[AnaSteele58]

The more I research the honeymoon registry...the more I like it. We would like to switch resorts after the wedding and this is a good idea to offset the cost.

[Jenny2014]

Originally Posted by Kel123073 

 

We went thru the same issues, we have lived together for several years and at first I didn't want a shower because I thought if people are going to travel for my wedding then I don't expect shower gifts... My mom was adamant she was throwing me a shower.  She said it is  your turn and you have always been so generous to everyone else!  She also said this is a way for people to celebrate with you especially if they can't come to the wedding, they are still included in some festivities!  Good Point mom, because I do have relatives that can't come for financial as well as other reasons.  And it was nice to celebrate with them!

 

 I kept thinking we have everything we need because we live together already! We registered at Crate and Barrel, as well as Bed Bath and Beyond.  I didn't want china! never have! plus we live in a good size rental in NJ but I don't have a china cabinet and I don't want one! lol  I have nice dishes already for everyday from crate and barrel lol.... so I was like what are we going to choose??  Believe it or not  We spruced up our place!!!  table runner, napkins and napking rings, new sheets, new shower curtains, beautiful drinkwear etc.....

 

I also would have loved cash but didn't know how to really ask for that..... wouldn't have gone over well in my family!  and registering for the trip.....sorry I think its like asking everyone else to pay for your wedding since it is a destination wedding.....we didn't feel right about that at all!  It definitely is a tricky situation

 

kelly

 

Glad you were able to register for stuff that did come in handy! I do get the idea of sprucing up your place- registering for newer items that you already have that you wouldn't necessarily justify buying yourself when you need other things. We just decided not to go that route- especially since we know what we have now we will live with for a little while, and it is when we buy our first house, that is when we will upgrade all of our stuff (and we don't know when we will be able to do that).

 

I debated back and forth on whether to do the honeymoon registry. I decided to ask for contributions for our honeymoon, as we would like to stay for an extra week after all the wedding festivities are done. But we also know this is an easy cut from our budget if we cannot afford it, so for those who want to contribute, this could be their way of helping. However, there are many options for ways in which they can contribute, so again, it's up to the person. It is such a tricky situation, but we know we won't make everyone happy. It's just about what works best for us.

[Kel123073]

You are so right!  You will never please everyone...... and you guys enjoying your whole wedding experience is what is truly important!  Staying the extra week would be amazing!  I would def do the registry for the honeymoon then!!  

 

I should have elaborated further on our situation.  My fiance is divorced and his two children ( ages 10 and 12) are staying for the whole trip with us...10 days.  We initially thought they would go home with my family after 5 days or so, and have a couple of days to ourselves.  His ex wife was insisiting we fly them back, even thought the kids know my family and have had local vacations with them before.  I understand her point and I compromised with my fiance and we agreed we would do a seperate honeymoon at a later date!  maybe we should have registered for that lol! but we didn't even feel like that was an option.... because we have no definite time picked yet!  That is why it felt like asking people to pay for our wedding......

 

Best of luck and ENJOY!!!

[hezmshaw]

I've been thinking about this too, everyone is spending so much to come to our wedding - but there are some people who aren't coming that will probably want to buy gifts.   Crate and Barrel isn't a bad idea! 

[Jenny2014]

Originally Posted by Kel123073 

 

You are so right!  You will never please everyone...... and you guys enjoying your whole wedding experience is what is truly important!  Staying the extra week would be amazing!  I would def do the registry for the honeymoon then!!  

 

I should have elaborated further on our situation.  My fiance is divorced and his two children ( ages 10 and 12) are staying for the whole trip with us...10 days.  We initially thought they would go home with my family after 5 days or so, and have a couple of days to ourselves.  His ex wife was insisiting we fly them back, even thought the kids know my family and have had local vacations with them before.  I understand her point and I compromised with my fiance and we agreed we would do a seperate honeymoon at a later date!  maybe we should have registered for that lol! but we didn't even feel like that was an option.... because we have no definite time picked yet!  That is why it felt like asking people to pay for our wedding......

 

Best of luck and ENJOY!!!

 

Thank you!

 

Wow, that is quick the situation- but completely amazing that you understand her perspective, and are willing to compromise. I know of someone in my life currently who would never do that- she would do it for her kids, but not for her FI's kids, which makes me incredibly sad when I hear her talk about his kids.

 

We just wanted to stay the extra week, as we will be arriving over the weekend, and our wedding isn't until Thursday, so there won't be much relaxing time afterwards.

 

Enjoy and best of luck to you as well!!!

[Peach]

We registered at Sears, and are glad we did. We did have everything we needed... lived together 10 years, and I worked at a kitchen store throughout University! But I know unconventional gifts would go over poorly in my family. So we registered.

I know some people like that we did, but most of my family lives in a tiny town in the middle of the prairies, which is where my shower is (coming up on Sunday!)... but it still helped; my sister downloaded the list and printed it off to give to grandparents, great aunts, etc.... that way they could see colours and items, and get similar ideas, or find the same items at other places.

We actually found lots of stuff to register for. We upgraded a lot of things. Most of our stuff was hand-me-downs or really inexpensive and older, so we registered for a few upgrades and things like that.

I am getting really excited for the shower! And then a little over a week later the ladies I work with are throwing me one too! I am really looking forward to it!
 

[EVKnowsitall]

So I finally caved and registered at MyRegistry.com and its great! You download this little tool to drag in your bookmarks bar and then any website you are on, you click the button and it adds the item to your registry. I put a few items like fine china which is something we never got (Macy's), cutlery because our knives are pitiful (Sur La Table), a comforter set (Bed, Bath and Beyond), toasting glasses from Things Remembered etc. They also have a cash option. You can specify what the cash is for "down payment on first home" or "honeymoon". I left it entitled "Building our dream home" so that it was general. Our dream home can be anywhere. You can also add giftcards- I added 3 from HomeGoods (Love that place)

 

Anyway- for those debating- I say go ahead. I was so anti-registry but MyRegistry is nifty. I considered honeyfund but opted against it because LivingSocial has excellent honeymoon deals and since we still don't know when we can honeymoon (has to be delayed bc of work) or where, we'd rather scoop up a last minute deal than have people contribute to it. MyRegistry is nice because it lets you compile whatever your heart desires from various websites (Even Etsy!). I password protected my registry so only our guests can see it. I am going to add a small slip of paper with the info for our AHR invites (Which I finally received and absolutely love) and in the bridal shower invites.

 

My mom and matron of honor insist on throwing me a shower- I don't know when because my wedding is in 74 days! My friend offered her yard and wanted to rent tables and chairs ($150) a tent ($300) have her husband cook ($200) and just get beers and boxed wine ($200). Her brother is in a "Rockabilly" band and wanted to play live tunes. The total would have been less than $1,000 for 50 people which I thought was a great option but my mom called it a circus. For someone who wasn't having one, I thought it was a laid back and cool option. My mom wants it hosted somewhere else because she is worried about appearances and making it look "good" and wants to invite some stuffy people like her boss- exactly the type of thing that makes me dread bridal showers to begin with. In most of the ones I have attended- they are parties where women go for free wine, play lame games that have been done and overdone, and pretend to like each other. LOL maybe I'm just a tad pessimistic, but I have never really enjoyed any bridal showers I have attended.