To registry or not to registry??

beachbum21 · May 30, 2011

Hi everyone!
I'm newly engaged and have found these forums incredibly helpful!! We are having our wedding in Jamaica next year and are trying to decide between registering for gifts or not. Neither of us really want to because it's a destination wedding and it's such a huge expense, we don't want our guests to give us gifts, their attendance is more than enough. That being said, I know there will be people who can't make it and still want to give a gift, my dilemma is if I don't register, will people feel forced to give cash if they don't want to?? I would just give cash myself, but don't want people to feel they have to? Help! What is everyone else doing?

My apologies if there is already a string about this, I couldn't find one

Thanks for your help!

Katiem2012 · May 30, 2011

Hi beachbum!

We're having the same dilemma. We weren't planning on having a registry, but we've had quite a few ppl ask us/our parents if we were going to make one and that it would be helpful... so now I think we're going to register for some small stuff and just have people pass around that their attendance is gift enough but that if they wish to purchase a gift anyway there is a registry and to ship it to our home address as opposed to bringing it with them...

J-me · May 30, 2011

We were struggling with the same dilema, orginally opting to not register (their presence being 'present' enough), but knowing a lot of our family won't be able to attend and want to give us gifts, we're creating a small registry. We are registering at Macy's, Bed Bath & Beyond, and a honeymoon registry.

We're posting it on our website, but still debating on putting it on our invites.....any thoughts out there?

Katiem2012 · May 31, 2011

We`re posting ours on our website but not putting it in the invitations. Pretty much leaving it to word of mouth and the website. I really don`t want people to feel obligated to give us anything, so we`re going to word in a way that will convey that.... haven`t figured out how yet! lol but we haven`t done our registry yet, and wont for a while so we have time!

beachbum21 · May 31, 2011

Thanks for responding!! And great idea to post on the website & word of mouth, I think I'll do the same. Now I just need some help with the wording as well!! Ideas anyone?

JayKay · June 3, 2011

We had the same dilemma but in the end decided to register for the simple fact that I kept having people ask, oh where are you registered, I need to get you something. We don't have a website so we simply are just using word of mouth, if someone asks we tell them, or our parents tell them.

skybride · June 3, 2011

Good idea to leave the registry off the invitations...you could consider an insert to the invites, but word of mouth and websites are more common, and I think, classier, especially if you want them to know that it's optional.

One thing you could do as an alternative to a traditional registry is to register for guests to sponsor part of your honeymoon or part of the wedding activities. It's not uncommon for an aunt/uncle to pay for a wedding brunch the morning after the wedding in lieu of a gift. When I got married, I registered with honeymoonwishes.com. Other similar sites are http://honeyfund.com and sendusoff.com. It was a way for people to give us cash but feel like it was going for something specific that would make our honeymoon more special.

As for wording, if you don't have a registry, try "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift we could receive. Please no boxed gifts." If you do have a registry, try "Your presence at our wedding is gift enough for us. If you'd like to support us as we start our lives together, we are registered at ____."

JQLong · June 3, 2011

My fiance and I discussed this very thing recently. We own our home so we do not need a toaster or towels. I did not even address the registry issue on the STD and as we have not registered anywhere and don't intend to. When we send our updated STD (sent electronically) we will advise our guests that their attendance is present enough....Now as for the AHR that we plan on having...we are trying to decide a classy way of advising guests that monetary gifts are preferred...(is it tacky to ask???)

torilynnsmith · June 3, 2011

JQLong (sorry I don't know your real name) have you considered doing a honeymoon registry for your at home reception? It is so hard to say monetary gifts only without upsetting people our causing a great deal of gossip about it! If you do a honeymoon registry guests basically give you money towards your honeymoon! That way it's still money, you get a great trip out of it and guests feel like they aren't just giving cash!

We have registered for the same reason as most, all the questions about it! But we really got bored of it so only really rang in our bigger ticket items! We really need to go in and add some smaller things but we have lived together for 4 years and own all our things so really dont need a toaster or towels!

We have sent out to invites to everyone but when guests book we are going to send out an itinerary or "thanks for booking" invite that will say something like

"We are so pleased that you will be joining us in paradise to celebrate our marriage. Please know that your presence is your present and it means the world to us!

If anyone else has any other ideas I would love to hear them!

JQLong · June 3, 2011

The honeymoon registry is actually something we said we would do. I have received a wedding invitation in the past that actually said "Money preferred" and I thought it was tacky! I love the wording you used and I may need to "borrow" it! Thanks for the advice!

Oh....and I am Jaquanda (JQ)

:-)

Originally Posted by torilynnsmith

JQLong (sorry I don't know your real name) have you considered doing a honeymoon registry for your at home reception? It is so hard to say monetary gifts only without upsetting people our causing a great deal of gossip about it! If you do a honeymoon registry guests basically give you money towards your honeymoon! That way it's still money, you get a great trip out of it and guests feel like they aren't just giving cash!

We have registered for the same reason as most, all the questions about it! But we really got bored of it so only really rang in our bigger ticket items! We really need to go in and add some smaller things but we have lived together for 4 years and own all our things so really dont need a toaster or towels!

We have sent out to invites to everyone but when guests book we are going to send out an itinerary or "thanks for booking" invite that will say something like

"We are so pleased that you will be joining us in paradise to celebrate our marriage. Please know that your presence is your present and it means the world to us!

If anyone else has any other ideas I would love to hear them!