Is it tacky??

[proti007]

Just thought I'd throw my two cents in:

 

We're getting married in three months, and our AHR is about a month after that. I also come from a big European family (I'm Greek and my FI is Ukrainian) and we've come upon many of the issues you have with regards to "etiquette." I've had to remind my mom over and over that the same wedding "etiquette" does NOT apply to DWs!!!

 

We've already had the big, Greek engagement party in Toronto (about 100 people), to celebrate with my family and friends there. We did serve a plated dinner, hire a dj, have our priest bless our rings in a special ceremony, give bombinierre (favours), have a seating chart, etc. It was, in essence, a mini-wedding, very formal, I wore a beautiful floor-length cocktail dress and my FI was in a three-piece suit.

 

Our AHR is taking place in Edmonton, where my FI and his family are from, and will have about 300 people, predominately his side, and our friends from Calgary. I will NOT be wearing my dress. thinking it was "tacky" never really crossed my mind, but rather that my wedding dress is special, only something I want to wear on my wedding day; so for me, it was more a feeling of it being "inappropriate." Our reception is not a "wedding," just like our engagement party wasn't. There will be a dinner at the AHR (buffet-style) and a band. I am doing favours for the AHR, but not as costly/fancy as those for our e-party (we gave crystal mosiac glass candleholders). Partly due to the fact that the e-party was way more per per guest, and partly because it was more formal. My AHR will be WAY more casual, and I'm making homemade jam that I'll be canning in pretty little mason jars - it just fits the theme better.

 

Ultimately, you have to do what you are comfortable with!!!! Anything goes

 

Natalie

[heidilynn28]

Well, I understand that inviting peope to dinner and not paying for them might be considered rude, but we are doing a DW to save money. The only reason we're doing an AHR is for my FI's family (since NOBODY is coming to Mexico from his side of the family) and we didn't want to leave them out completely. The private room we reserved in the restaurant only seats 35 people but even so, I certainly don't have the money to pay another 4000$ on food and drink for this dinner (the restaurant is quite pricey but we didn't want to compromise on food and service). We aren't asking for gifts and don't expect any. It's just a moment where we'll all have dinner together and show a short video of our wedding/vacation. Maybe calling it an AHR isn't the right wording!

We aren't as fortunate as some other couples where parents offer to pay for food and drink so I like the idea about saying it's a celebration dinner instead. If people are offended that we're not paying for their meal, they can stay home and the people who really want to be there will make an effort.

[acireta]

I didn't mean to imply that you were rude Heidi!! So sorry :-( I just meant to make your plans and intentions for the event clear to your guests so that noone is blindsided. That happened to me at an AHR a few years ago when I was super broke in college and it was humiliating for all involved. We can't afford a full reception after so we're just doing a BBQ at our house.

[kimberyly]

Maybe I don't have to do favors at the AHR! I would love to find ways to cut costs. I'm already spending so much on the venue, catering, and bar, it would be nice to not have to add anything additional.

 

As far as etiquette goes, I say screw etiquette! I personally wanted a destination wedding so I wouldn't have to follow all kinds of rules. I'm going to wear my dress to McDonald's if I want. After the AHR, I might wear it when I clean the house too

[heidilynn28]

It's ok Erica!!! I didn't think your comment above was rude.. I just wanted to explain myself and our 'situation'. I wish I could pay for everyone's dinner (if they choose to eat there) but yeah, we've just bought a house and everything but still wanted to have a little something for FI's side of the family + a few close friends who have kids (our hotel is adults-only) or couldn't afford coming. Our condo doesn't have a yard so a BBQ thing (although a great idea) won't work :/

 

Everyone talks about etiquette and all, I'm trying to stick to it, but I figure.. it's our decision so we might as well go with our budget allows and that's it. We are planning to offer everyone a cocktail and appetizers and we are allowed to bring in a wedding cake so if they don't want a huge dinner, they don't have to take it! Either way, when we officially invite everyone, it will be clear that they will pay for their own, just like at any other restaurant.

 

We started dancing lessons tonight to Edward Maya's Stereo Love song..... and we'll most likely perform it a second time for the AHR! I'm all excited and ready to learn and practice! Anyone else dancing?

 

 

[acireta]

good good! :-) we're all just doing out best here under so much pressure and judgment from everyone around us! crazy stuff trying to keep up with it all...

[Aphrodite]

I also hate the word "etiquette".

Etiquette to me means someone's opinion - nothing written in stone.

 

I don't know why people can't understand that times are changing, ceremonies are changing, destination weddings are becoming more popular and the same rules just don't apply anymore.

[kimberyly]

 

Originally Posted by heidilynn28 

It's ok Erica!!! I didn't think your comment above was rude.. I just wanted to explain myself and our 'situation'. I wish I could pay for everyone's dinner (if they choose to eat there) but yeah, we've just bought a house and everything but still wanted to have a little something for FI's side of the family + a few close friends who have kids (our hotel is adults-only) or couldn't afford coming. Our condo doesn't have a yard so a BBQ thing (although a great idea) won't work :/

 

Everyone talks about etiquette and all, I'm trying to stick to it, but I figure.. it's our decision so we might as well go with our budget allows and that's it. We are planning to offer everyone a cocktail and appetizers and we are allowed to bring in a wedding cake so if they don't want a huge dinner, they don't have to take it! Either way, when we officially invite everyone, it will be clear that they will pay for their own, just like at any other restaurant.

 

We started dancing lessons tonight to Edward Maya's Stereo Love song..... and we'll most likely perform it a second time for the AHR! I'm all excited and ready to learn and practice! Anyone else dancing?

 

 

 

I was considering taking dance lessons too! I cannot dance at all and don't have much rhythm. My first dance with my FI and Dad will be on the beach and I'd like to avoid the dance by ourselves at the AHR! There's only going to be twenty some people in Jamaica, but up to 150 at the AHR! Maybe if I get good at it I'll do it. Where do you even find a place that does private dance lessons?

 

 

[heidilynn28]

Kim:

 

I was lucky enough to know a dance teacher from work.. she does medleys and choreographies. I think she'll be charging us about 40$ an hour.. which is fair I think.

You can always look up "wedding choreography" or "wedding dance" on the Internet and type in the name of your city.. you'll be able to find something!

We've been looking to find an activity to do together and this was the perfect chance so I'm looking forward to learning and have someone to perform in front of.. it probably won't be amazing but it's a little something special we'll keep a surprise for everyone!

 

[kimberyly]

That sounds great! I always thought it would be fun taking dance lessons. I'm going to check that out!