Bridesmaid Drama

[merrylee]

We aren't having a bridal party, we are considering all of our guests part of our bridal party.   We don't want anyone to go to our wedding out of obligation, which is how FI's dad isn't going.  Plus it was an added drama that neither one of us wanted to deal with.  The people who love us the most will choose to be with us and that is what matters to us.

[KelandJay81]

Great advice ladies. I agree that it is important to be honest right up front and early!

I also think that it would be nice to ask her to do something to help make your day special, maybe ask her to read a poem or say a toast.

 

I also agree though that you will have to limit their involvement in planning so that they do not feel resentment or harbour hurt feelings.

 

[bittersweetD1]

In the middle of a conversation I had a friend ask me "....before we continure this conversation....I'm in the wedding party right??"....It made me feel sick to my stomach telling her that she wasnt in it....ming you we are not having a wedding party at all (only a MOH and BM) so that at least softened the blow a tad.  Ugh....I can't believe some people actually have the nerve!

[Coco YUL]

Don't know how one of my friend will react when I'll tell her that she's not in the wedding party... we are not that close anymore... I was a bridesmaid at her wedding but stil wondering why...

[jamieirene]

Is this really an issue? How awkward is it for someone to ask you about being in your wedding when you have never asked them. Actually I find it kind of rude because then its putting you in an awkward position of telling them they r not.

[heavenone]

I can't believe some of these girls.  So rude and presumptuous!  I'm so sorry ladies! I've had some friends assume they were invited to my "small destination wedding" and I found that hard to deal with.

[Bruuning17]

I am having a similar issue with a friend who I think wants to be in the wedding party, but we want to keep it small and have only family as bridesmaids.  But I've also been hurt when I wasn't asked to be in a good friends wedding in the past, so that is making me feel even worse about my situation now.  I have to say though, the only reason I was hurt by my friend in the past was because she just never told me I wasn't in it.  I would have been totally fine with not being in her wedding party if she would have just come to me and let me know.  So, I am planning on talking to my friend and explaining to her that we are keeping the wedding party small - only family.  I think she'll be ok with it, but then I'm going to explain that one reason for our decision is that if she is a bridesmaid then she would basically HAVE to pay to come to Jamaica, and although I would love her to be there and expect her to go, I want it to be ok that if something comes up, she isn't forced to go anyway.  Also, I'm going to ask her to be an 'honorary bridesmaid.'  Basically, she'll be as involved as she can be, and help with planning and showers and bachelorette parties, but then isn't burdened with having to buy a matching dress and all that.  SO I hope she'll be ok with it. 

[Nikadawn]

I'm having the opposite problem! I only have a MOH and one bridesmaid. They are my two best friends by a long shot, I never even thought of anyone else to ask. The bridesmaid is so worried about money these days that she has hinted that she may even have to back out of the wedding. I've even cosidered helping her out by paying for her dress (not that I'm swimming in cash these days either) I just have to find a way to do without the MOH finding out, I can't afford to buy both of their dresses and I know she can afford it no problem. It's just that I won't have any family there so I'd find it even harder if one of my two best frinds weren't there.

[AfricanVenus]

I had this problem early on in my planning. From the beginning, we were trying to keep the DW on the DL. I was in church and a member that I'm cool with, but not extremely close, cornered me and asked if she could be in my bridal party. I was so taken aback, that I didn't know what to say. One, I was in church. Two, other people were around adding to my anxiety. Three, I wasn't planning on inviting her TO the wedding itself, let alone be a b-maid. And four, I was thinking, "Who does this?!" This particular member just loves to be in weddings and has conned her way into many weddings of other members. That's cool. A lot of the people where I'm from believe in a double digit wedding party because they have a lot of family and friends nearby. I never did. My immediate family are really the only ones in this country. As such, my sister instantly was MOH. And further, I had 3 best friends from college who I knew would be my b-maids, so it never occurred to me to up the number. Small and intimate was always my style.

 

I tried to explain to her that it was a DW, hoping she would get the hint. She didn't. She proceeded to ask me where. I told her Mexico and the cost of the hotel. She then said, it was too expensive and said she'd probably do a different hotel near by! I almost passed out with the sheer audacity of this woman, lol! I then told her that all the guests had to stay at the hotel and further we were keeping it very small. Also, the wedding's location was not to be made common knowledge. She eventually understood I think, but I always felt awkward around her thereafter.

 

I don't know why people "expect" to be in a wedding. Let alone in the wedding of someone they barely know and they don't know the name of who they're marrying, lol. I think you should wait for the person to ask you. Maybe I don't consider it this huge big deal to be a b-maid. I wouldn't be offended if someone didn't want me as a b-maid. Less money to spend, less stress, etc. However, some people do I guess. Either way, it's rude to assume or proffer yourself. Just follow the bride's lead. Like I always say, weddings make people nuts!

[FabiLara]

I've been seriously considering NOT having a wedding party at all.

 

Some reasons

1-I've 2 sisters and a best friend. I could invite the 3 of them, but if only a couple of my other close friends went to the wedding, they'd also feel left out.

 

2- $$$ - I do believe they'd expect me to pay for some stuff, like their dresses, hair, make-up. Out of all us girls, only my little sister is married and they'd probably scream bloody murder when I try to do things differently to her. Whatever.

 

3- I don't expect many people to go down to Mexico (I live in the UK), and I don't want the awkward "more people at the front than sitting down" scenario.

 

4- I've already hinted at the possibility of not having a wedding party, and this has caused some backlash from guess who? My two sisters and best friend. I don't like it when people think they have a right to something, it's a privilege. If they're gonna have a sour attitude about this, then I'd better NOT have a wedding party, rather than having one out of obligation. If they want to help, it's because they care about me, and not for the title of MOH or bridesmaid, that's just plain wrong.

 

5- How do you know who's going to be there for sure? One of my girls might be pregnant, the other works in a hospital (hard to get time off) and the other will have a hard time affording the trip.

 

Drama.....