Bridesmaid Drama

[MoBayBride2B]

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this...I have people asking me whether or not they are going to be in my wedding.  This is very awkward as the people who are asking I did not intend to have them as bridesmaids. Has anyone else experienced this and if so how did you handle it? 

 

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but at the same time I find it quite rude of them to ask.

[Donie Jordan]

I had a friend that went so far as to ask me if I had picked out her bridesmaid dress - and she wasn't a bridesmaid! To avoid any issues, we decided that only our sisters and brothers would be in the wedding. As a result, we will have 3 bridesmaids and only 2 groomsmen, but I'm just fine with that. I was nervous about how the friend would handle this but, to be honest, I think the friend was relieved when she realized she wouldn't have to buy a special dress and do all the extra stuff! I know being a bridesmaid is a great honor, but I'm not sure many girls would actually get their feelings hurt over not having to spend the extra money...especially on a destination wedding! I would just tell those that ask that you and your fiance have decided to keep the wedding party small. You may be surprised at their reactions!

Good Luck!

[delgadot]

Yes I have a really good girlfriend who if I were having a wedding at home I would have as a bridesmaid but since we are doing a destination wedding we wanted the bridal party to be kept small. So I will only have 3 bridesmaids. I knew that she had thought she would be one of them so when she asked me who was in my bridal party I told her the three girls names and followed it by saying "We wanted to keep the bridal party small because we are already asking so much of people we did not want to add more financial burden" and her response was "ok you want to keep things simple" and I said "Exactly":)

 

It was definetly hard and trust me I contemplated adding her but I have to stick to my original plan to keep things simple:) and lucky for me she understood.

[xtenna]

It happened to a friend of mine. just be honest and hopefully they won't get their feelings hurt

 

[MoBayBride2B]

Thanks ladies!  It's so funny, planning for the wedding itself has been easy...the hard part is dealing with the people. 

[baileybutton]

I had my feelings hurt by not being a bridesmaid in a friends DW. I'm still (quietly) hurt and her wedding was is 2007. My advice would be to let her know sooner rather then later. I went dress shopping with my friend, helped pick out invites, helped assemble invites etc then I found out I wasen't standing I would have helped her anyway but it just hurt -that she chose another friend.

[JayKay]

I would say tell them as soon as possible.  We had the same thing happen.  One of my friends kept bugging and bugging asking about being a bridesmaid.  I finally had to tell her that we were just keeping our bridal party small and therefore just using family.  We also told her she could still be involved with things such as dress shopping, and invitations and everything else and she seemed fine with it.  I think the best thing to do is tell her early but still let her know you want her to help if she would like to!

[BonnieKSimon]

My GF took the dipolmatic approach and first went directly to each friend who she thought she would have a 'misunderstanding' with.  She "confided" in each friend that she had promised her bridesmaids many years before that they were to be in her wedding whenever she got married. By going to each girl early, even though the excuse was pretty thin, she headed off a confrontation later and defused the situation before it became an issue.

 

[DramaticAnnie]

Yes! As soon as we got engaged I got not one, but two requests - one from my niece who is currently like, into the whole drinking (and probably drugs) scene and we're not close at ALL.. but she straight out asked me.. I think I told her that I was hoping she would be able to handle ____... I made up something that I won't be distressed about if she doesn't show/messes it up. She even made a point to say that for her upcomig wedding (to a druggie bf who isnt even around anymore) that she wanted me to be her MOH.. I again had to find a way to tactfully turn that down.. sorry if I sound like a horrible person but seriously we're not close at all, not since she was maybe 4 years old? And she's got lots of friends and other relatives she's closer to.

 

Then a friend of mine who we used to be best friends all while growing up as kids.. then we did the whole club scene and stuff for about a year, every other weekend going out dancing, and then I grew out of it.. graduated University, got into a great career, found a guy I've now been with for almost 7 years.. but she is still doing the club thing, getting old for it in my opinion, the only times over the years when we've been close is when she's been pregnant with one of her three kids, those are the only times she's sober really, then after the kid is born she goes on about how sober life is great and how she's going to stick with it this time.. but nope.. and she cheated on the father of her kids, hangs out with the weirdest people, I mean.. I dunno.. I felt like she never grew up? Anyway, she told me she wanted to be MOH. I was like oh I'm not even sure who's in the wedding party yet.. which I wasn't.. but when I made up my mind on who was in the wedding party, I told everyone. I have a MOH, fiancee has his Best Man, and then theres 3 bridesmaids and a Jr bridesmaid, and 2 groomsmen and a jr groomsman. And I did list her as a bridesmaid, and she was super excited to hear about my DW.. but hasn't put down her deposit yet or anything because she's too busy partying....... sooooo.... the wedding party might end up being evened out after all.. and if she's going to be like this.. I am afraid to think what she will be like when we're there 

[lopey99]

my two sisters automatically assumed they were bridesmaids but i also have two very good friends and only intended on having 3 bridesmaids at the most so i had my sisters out of 'Etiquette' and couldnt chose between my two girlfriends so i ended up having hubby to be's sister as my third which i'm quite happy with as i feel it incorporates the two families.