wedding Cancelled/ Postponed

[GeorgiaPeach]

This has been a long few days for me because I recently cancelled my wedding. My fiance has had issues with finding a job. And recently he lied to me about paying his truck note. I honestly thought hard and this was the hardest decision I have made in my life thus far to cancel the wedding. I love him with all my heart and want to see him succeed and be financially stable like me, but his deck of cards has just been bad lately. I have so many emotions right now I'm angry, sad, and embarrassed that this has happened to me. I know finances shouldn't break a home or two people that love each other but its such a biggie to me to be stable. And honestly I was scared to marry him with having this issue. Other than that I don't we never had any big issues. I need some advice please help

[SparkleSun]

It's hard to give advice on somehting of this magnitude with just a little bit of information.  Relationships are complicated and they for sure aren't easy.  What I can say though is if you really love him, I don't think this is a deal breaker.  Imagaine you had already gotten married, would you stick by him then?  The economy is hard for everyone right now.  There are 4 unemployed people for every 1 job opening in the US right now.  I am sure he was embarassed that he was unable to pay his truck payments, which doesn't make it right, but one can kind of see where his mind was.  Ask yourself, "would your life be better or worse without him in it?"  If you want him, then try to be supportive as long as he is trying to do something with himself and not sitting around all day.  If you can see that he is honestly putting forth the effort, then you can't really hold that against him. You are supposed to be a team working together, that is what marriage is all about. If you say you never had any big issues, then hold on to him in my opinion. It's hard to find someone you click with.

[royalbride610]

I'm sorry you have to postpone your wedding...  Maybe you should consider if it's because he doesn't have a job right now, or if you don't think you'll be financially stable in the long run?  Maybe it could help to take some premarital classes and specifically focus on finances.  My fiance & I didn't take classes with a minister, but I found my own material in books & online and we discussed a lot of different things about finances.  It definitely helped us a lot because at a point of time, I wasn't sure if he was very good at money management.  But, what I realized is that he'd never had to talk about or sit down with a budget in front of him.  So now, even without myself working, we've still been doing very well sticking to our budget and saving.  It just takes some communication and compromise. 

 

If your just postponing because he's not working right now & you can't afford it, well that's something a lot of people have to deal with these days.  I'd say the only thing you can do is be patient, encourage him, and maybe help him in his job search.  You guys can do it when you both feel your ready.

 

Good luck!

[GeorgiaPeach]

Thanks guys for the advice and words of encouragment. I love him so much and I know that this is probably a test that were facing. It was been hard financing the wedding primarily by myself and I think I just got so angry I just said forget it. I feel like he was trying but I htink that its off and hes facing what he could have lost hes trying even harder. So maybe the fire under him is making him realize how important stabilty is to me. He had an interview yesterday here in Atlanta and he said he think it went well. So im praying that he gets it!! I know that all relationships go through issues and finances is a big one and to answer your question I dont think it had anything with him not having a job at this exact moment it was the fact that I was scared to commit to unsecure longterm relationship. And during these two weeks Ive realized that I dont want another man!!! He loves me unconditonally and for me flaws and all. He has everything that I would ever need in a man other than being financially stable at the present time. When he was working he would give me his last and always just wanted to see me happy and this isse has brought a cloud over us and I just want everything to be back how it use to be.

 

As far as the counseling goes im looking into it now and hopefully we learn a lot in it.

 

Now my thoughts are on our canceled wedding day. Everything is paid for in Cancun nad our flights plus are parents flights are paid. What do I do? Do I see if he gets this job then we just go and get married, do I change the date, do I move it back in the states and just go down there for vaca? I really dont know... I just know that I want to be with him for the rest of my life I just hate that this happened to us right now. This was suppose to be the happiest time of our lives and now were faced with these difficult decisons. We told everybody it was cancelled so if we got married then people that we wanted to be there wouldnt be able to come because it would be too much to get things and money paid for them last minute. Its not their faults

 

excuse misspelling on a 15 min break!!

[kymish]

i no im way late but i would have still went for a vacation since it was paid for, you guys prob could have used some stress free time to jsut concentrate on the 2 of you

[goodnplenti]

My finace is a truck driver also and owns his own truck. He proposed last xmas and we planned a july 2012 wedding in jamaica, I dediced to ask for the divorce papers and he told me he stillhas not filed, not because he doesnt want to but because he's a man that waits until t he last minute to do things, now we have to get a lawyer to get this process going, especially since the woman moved to Argentina. I understand all your feelings. I have them also and now I am also confused if I should stay with him or continue on with wedding.

[goodnplenti]

My finace just told me he stillhas not got a divorce and we have this wedding set for july 2012 in jamaica, I feel so messed up i dont know what to do. he says he will get lawyer and start divorce now but I am afraid it's not going to be in time for July, sould I postpone wedding or not get married to him.