Wedding Called Off.....Opinions??

[kim0806]

Ugh, so sorry to hear what you are going through   I definitely agree with what many of the others have said regarding not worrying about what everyone else will think.  I've let my friends influence my decision before, only to realize that I should have just trusted myself.  None of them are IN your relationship...only you and him really know how strong/weak your bond is and where it can go.  Hopefully if your family and friends see you happy, that is all that will matter to them. 

Wishing you all the best!! 

[aaronlori]

I won't give you advice because only you know your relationship and all the in and outs of it. You have to decide what is best for you. I know I would have reacted similarly. If my FI said "it's over and I'm moving out." Whether or not he was serious there are intentions behind those words so I completely understand your reaction. Good luck with everything!

[cross]

I had a similar experience in my first marriage happen, yes I said it - first marriage.  My FI left less than 2 months before the wedding because he could not handle 'it'.  I had many of the same emotions that you are having right now about giving a second chance, etc.  So I did give it another shot and about a year later we actually got married in Vegas.  It was definitely fun, but after I got my CPA license and he still had not caught up to me on the earning scale he walked out AGAIN 2 1/2 years later saying he needed to see if he could make it on his own.  Seriously WTF?  It was horribly painful.  I really wished I had been strong enough to walk away the first time he pulled his crap, and not have to go through divorce because he would leave me voicemails crying about how sorry he was.  Luckily I had a great support group that helped me get through the bad times, and now I am happily married to a man who makes every day so much brighter by opening my eyes to things I never saw before.  While I know your situation is not the same, I do know the hurt and potential regret and the uncertainty.  I wish that your decision brings you that happy life that you deserve.

[canadiangirl]

I am so sorry to her about your situation, but Im a big believer in things happen for a reason...although not comforting right now things always have a way of working themselves out in the end!

 

I dont want to tell you what to do, so this is what I would do....and if this helps than all the better. First of all I would sit down with him and ask WTF? and see what he says for his reasoning if any for any of this.Then I would go home with a glass of wine and write things down.....things like what ur problems are.......things youve done together that without him just wouldnt have been the same...things you want to do with him and only him.....then when your done look it all over and at the end of the day if you think your life would be better spent with him, then I would try to work things out however, if you find out that there is just to much past and hurt is overrun with anger...and when you think of him all you feel in mad instead of sad,then maybe Id walk away.

 

I dont know if this helped however, if you need anyone to talk to or vent, were all here for you! Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you

[LMango]

Thanks, CanadianGirl.....that's good advice. He's such a stupid ass, I can't believe it, and is pisses me off more than anything that despite him being a gigantic assmonger, I still love him.

 

We're somewhat reconciled. We still fight sometimes, but I don't know anyone who doesn't. We make up quickly, though, and we always feel closer after. I suppose we fight hard and play harder. We're living apart, going on dates, we spend weekends together.....I'm actually really happy with that. When I miss him, I stop and think, why do I miss him? Do I just miss company? Or is it something specific about him that I miss? I like forcing myself to answer those questions. The biggest obstacle we face is his own insecurity. He'll have to go to counselling on his own to figure that one out, but I'll take him there and pick him up, and if he wants me to go in with him, I will.

 

We did decide, though, if we get married again, we aren't doing a big wedding. We will fly somewhere with my parents, and have a small, intimate wedding and reception.

[SweetLe]

Glad to hear you guys are working things out. Wishing you two much happiness. If you do decide to get married, I would suggest trying pre-marital counseling. We just completed ours last week- and it left me feeling so relieved that we had already discussed most of the topics and were heading in the direction of a long healthy marriage . It also highlighted some differences in how men and women think and I feel like taking time to think about that- will help us all in the future. Also, I think that during the process of wedding planning we have fought more than any other time in our relationship- I think a lot of couples go through this- even though they may not want to admit it-- it can be very stressful! Even with a small destination wedding. Best of Luck to you.

[canadiangirl]

LMANGO:

 

Im happy to read that your trying to figure out your next path. Just to help you out as well as stated above...weddings are very hard on the relationship between couples, i find that we are at each other sometimes too....me being such an OCD bride lol and him being well him lol. I find it hard sometimes however, if I wanted to marry me I would the thing I love about him the most, is that although we are very different in some ways...at the end of the day he makes me laugh and we even each other out!

 

If at the end of the day you can say the same, then damm everyone else and concentrate on you two and what you two want and need from each other! if there is anything you need..Im always on here lol

 

I hope at the end of the day you get your white dress on with the man of your dreams!

[Dmitri_Markine]

Sorry to hear that...

Guys opinion:   Guys have a LOT of pride and not being able to contribute hurts a lot. And if your woman makes much more money and basically is buying you a house then it's like a knife in your chest

I have to admit though...I'd be VERY VERY hurt if my girl would not put me on the title,even if I didn't pay anything. Marriage is a 50/50. I would expect to be trusted 100% and seems like you still have doubts. If you do,it's much better to just wait and get married when you REALLY don't have any doubts.

I wish you all the best!!!Happy to hear things are getting better.

 

[Ms Di]

Everyone has such great ideas, thoughts and opinions. A long time ago, my first husband told me it was over about 6 months before the wedding. I lost it!!!! Then 3 months after that I found out I was going to have a baby!!! Well, it was not a very good time in my life as I was not over him calling it off then facing the uncertain future with a baby by myself. I had great family that stood by me. We did eventually get married. I honestly think it was more to prove a point with me but I am glad I did marry him. It taught me not to do anything for anyone or anythign else but for yourself. If you give both of you time to heal from his stupid statement and still want to be together great but do it because you love him. Do not worry about what others think, say or do. I am sure they have let someone back in their lives that hurt them or have done soemthing that everyone thought they were out of their minds for doing. If you go back be happy but don't live a life proving you will stay together just because you let him back into your life. If you go your separate ways be thankful you found out now and not later before any more time and effort is invested. Good luck me dear!!!

[LMango]

Ms. Di, holy crap, I can't believe you were pregnant!! I was 8 days late after this happened, and I was freakin' out. What a mix of emotions you must have experienced. I'm relieved there was a very happy ending, though.....you give me hope!!

 

Dmitri Markine, thanks for your post. I actually make half as much as him, but own my property. I really don't like it when people say a prenup is about trust. It's about financial health, and the fact that the divorce rate is typically 50%. That means half of us who are so happy we are getting married may later on be getting divorced. Not exactly great things to think about when you're supposed to be excited for the wedding, but it is reality.

 

Just an update for anyone wondering....................

 

*Things are okay with us!!

*We're not engaged now, but I'm pretty sure he is working on it.

*We found a work-around with the downpayment issue that we're both happy with.

*He is such an ass and I can't imagine not having this goofy dork in my life.

*He is going to counselling. I'll go with him when he is ready. He says stupid stuff sometimes and needs to figure out how to not say stupid stuff.

*I'm happy with things, and everyday, am working on ensuring my life is secure, with or without a man. Can't say I don't enjoy having him in it, though.

 

<3 you guys for your posts and support. <3