Bridal Shower Question

[big3n09]

Hello All

 

My sister and a few friends are giving me a bridal shower but it's at a restaurant and the guest are being asked to pay.   I initially wasn't sure about the guest paying part.  I have been to bridal shower's only at someones home and they provided food and everything.  Now let me give you some brief history...we we're supposed to get married 2 years ago and we had 60 people booked going to Jamaica but I called it off.  We're got back together a few months ago and we wanted to just go ahead with our destination wedding and we planned it for just the 2 of us and made plans within 2 weeks.  We then told everyone that it was back on and going to take place in 45 days basically.  So that only gave people a little bit of time to work with and about 10 people have even booked and are going this time.  So my issue is that of course if it was at someones house everything would be taken care of but it's not and the restaurant has a private room so guest don't have to eat if they don't want to.  I'm just feeling some kind of way about guest paying but I also don't feel it's fair to expect my family/friends to have to suddenly come up with the money because of our short notice.  I also kind of feel like I should have done the guest list differently now but it's too late for that.  If I were having a bachelorette party I think that would have made some difference too. FI feel like it's something that my sister/friends want to do for me and the people that were invited are welcome to join if they want to and if they want to eat then they can pay if not then that's fine too.  I just don't know at this point but I try to practice good etiquette.  Any advice is appreciated!

 

Happy planning/living to you all!

[katieandaron]

I think if you're calling it a shower and expecting guests to pay, then it's a breach of etiquette, sorry   Whoever is throwing the shower should only throw what they can afford.  Could the venue be switched to someone's home with simple food and drinks?  Could you just call it a bachelorette lunch?

[Eskie14]

That is really tacky.  I would never attend a "shower" where I had to pay AND proper etiquette would mean bring a gift as well.  If your sister/friends can't afford it then they should just take you out for a girls lunch and pay for you, or do nothing at all.  Like you said this is all happening so quickly it isn't fair to your guests/friends/family that you called off the first wedding after people already reserved their trip.  I'm getting married in Mexico and feel bad that I'm having a shower when a lot of people who are attending the shower can't attend the wedding.  However, they were all invited to the wedding and my MOH is footing the bill for the shower.  You have to do what you have to do, but I would suggest a lunch with close friends, move it someones house or don't do it at all.  What ever you decide congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

[BeachBridein11]

Ditto!!!  I hope invites havent gone out!!  I was recently at a rehearsal dinner where alcoholic drinks weren't included.  That was awkward, I can't imagine having to pay for the dinner as well!!  If you can't change venue like the person mentioned above, I would come up with cash fast!

[richarsd]

I completely disagree with everyone else, lol. Maybe this depends on where you live as each city/region has its own trends but I know of many brides (myself included) who had friends throw them a "restaurant shower/bachelorette" and others who did a brunch shower at a restaurant. Usually thr showers for this type of setting are smaller and limited to only good friends and family. From my own experiences with this type of shower, no one complained about having to pay for a meal (and in the case of my own, I definitely paid for my own meal!!!).

[MVPHairMakeup]

I was recently invited to a co-ed shower. The girls were asked to bring an appetizer, the guys were asked to bring the liquor and instead of a gift the couple asked for money. All on Facebook!!!  C'mon even an evite would have been better.  

[mochamakes3]

I agree that the shower should not be paid for by the guests and should not exceed what the hostess can afford. If your guests want to contribute, that's great but it should not be expected. My shower was held at a restaurant because my MoH lives out of town and we thought it would be weird to hold at my home. It worked out better because we didn't have to clean and it was probably less expensive. I know my mom split the bill and was shocked how little it was. So maybe just try to find a more affordable option.

[deannamarie85]

I would not stress about this. if your guests can't afford the meal out then they probably just would not attend. I think if it was a rehearsal dinner, then yes it would be tacky to have guests pay. Otherwise, i doubt your guests will care if they have to pay for their own meal.

[big3n09]

Thank you all for the advice.  I have been thinking about this all day and refuse to go into another day with it on my mind.  I believe because everything happened so fast there were a few oversights. Understanding that a shower is for the bride to be showered with gifts regardless of material or just well wishes and love I think we could have clearly worded/stated things.  We could have not even called it a shower since the purpose of it was for other reasons.  I believe that the invited guest know me well enough that if they were invited it was mostly because I wanted them to celebrate with me in some way this happy time in my life.  The meal is optional and those that want to pay will regardless of the gift factor and those who don't won't and may not even come it's totally their option.  The shower is in less than 2 weeks and my wedding in 2 weeks I need to move on to other things like enjoying this time in my life and my big day coming up!  Thank you all again for you advice and taking the time to share it.    

[big3n09]

 

Originally Posted by katieandaron 

I think if you're calling it a shower and expecting guests to pay, then it's a breach of etiquette, sorry   Whoever is throwing the shower should only throw what they can afford.  Could the venue be switched to someone's home with simple food and drinks?  Could you just call it a bachelorette lunch?

Thanks Katieandaron your suggestions were good and I ran them across the ladies planning things.  I knew changing locations wasn't an option so I asked if we could change the name and/or send an appropiate worded email but they voted and I was out voted so I'll have to live with it.  It's fine people know me we'll enough to know the real intentions....guess we deserve an etiquette citation LOL!