Help! Mother of the Groom wants to wear WHITE!

[bridetobecnc]

omg!

 

im so glad im not the only one going through this !

 

 

my wedding is exactly in 5 days....a week ago my mother in lay calls me over to show me her dress for the wedding, and when i reach it turns out she has ordered an Ivory Wedding dress from the same website i orderred my dress from!

i instantly wanted to kill myself. but shes such a nice lady that i was she had no idea it was a complete fashioonn NO - NO. Bigger problem is that shes the most sensitive person on earch and we're definately not close enough for me to be open with her.

ive tried to speak to my FI about it and he told me that hes never heard of such a rule.

with 5 days left.... everytime i think of my wedding i cant help but imagine my mother in law walking in wearing an ivory gown (wich is puffier than mine!).

 

Wat do i do?

[JayKay]

Wow, I feel sorry for you.  I think its probably to late to talk to her about it, unless she can find another dress.  Maybe she will realize its not a good idea to wear it!
 

Originally Posted by bridetobecnc 

omg!

 

im so glad im not the only one going through this !

 

 

my wedding is exactly in 5 days....a week ago my mother in lay calls me over to show me her dress for the wedding, and when i reach it turns out she has ordered an Ivory Wedding dress from the same website i orderred my dress from!

i instantly wanted to kill myself. but shes such a nice lady that i was she had no idea it was a complete fashioonn NO - NO. Bigger problem is that shes the most sensitive person on earch and we're definately not close enough for me to be open with her.

ive tried to speak to my FI about it and he told me that hes never heard of such a rule.

with 5 days left.... everytime i think of my wedding i cant help but imagine my mother in law walking in wearing an ivory gown (wich is puffier than mine!).

 

Wat do i do?

 

[minniemia]

Oh my GOD this is happening to me right now! At dinner the other night at my fiance's parents house, my soon to be mother in law said "Oh you MUST see what I chose for your wedding....!" and produced a bag with a WHITE dress and WHITE jacket in it. My soon to be sister in law said my face was a picture!

WHY is she wearing white on MY day?! She knows it's bad etiquette! I feel your pain, really I do! x

[JessiTaylor]

 

in this day and age, i dont imagine that anyone can miss that wearing white is a big faux pas. hopefully your sister in law will say something to her if she realises you dont like the idea. The problem now for brides, that if you express a strong opinion about something...you get labelled as a bridezilla!! assuming shes not evil (and lets face it, some mother in laws are) then i guess some people think of white as the best way to stay cool in the sun?!

 

there are a few cultures where wearing white isnt a big deal...so if she is from a foreign culture that could be it. i must be honest...i am not sure i would be able to bring it up with my MIL. itd just be too awkward. i think i could manage to compromise...if she is wearing a short dress, rather than floor length and white then i guess i could deal with it. Any other of my guests though i would have a word with/

 

so how is the dress for your MIL?! pure white or with a pattern? short or long?!

[stella331]

I agree certain cultures wear white for weddings.  My sister got married in D.R. and her inlaws family all wore white.  It actually looked really nice in photos.  If it's not a culture thing then I would be upset too.  Hopefully your sister in law will say something!

[Kristy28]

Glad to hear thaht it went so well. I would be so upset if my mother in law had asked if she could wear white. You handled it very well.

[miafrank]

well done.... thats my biggest fear, My MIL aint  as nice as yours be grateful for that....

 

Good Luck on the day, I hope she dones not steal your thunder too much xxxx

 

xxxMIA

 

http://www.piotrantoni.com.au

[JessiTaylor]

i read a fantastic story on the etiquette hell archives on how a guest (maybe a bridesmaid) said she had a surprise for the bride...and turned up in a wedding dress and thought it would be ok to do a quick vow renewal on their her wedding day!!!

 

so no matter how bad it gets...it could always be worse

[holrs]

I am having a Mother in Law to be is wearing white on my wedding day problem, except the issue is lot more complicated that just that. My mother in law to be has breast cancer and is undergoing necessary treatment so has, and I hate to say it, the trump card.

 

I will start at the beginning of this saga. I got engaged a year ago, our wedding is in 5 weeks. Mother in law to be diagnosed in March this year, thankfully the cancer is very treatable and only stage 2, a full recovery is expected. 

 

Anyway, well before Xmas, and therefore well before she was diagnosed she knew that I did in fact want my own mother to wear white and she has reminded me of this herself, only a day before she bought her own dress: "You want your mum to wear white, yes?" "Yes, I do, but it is up to her at the end of the day and she hasn’t had a chance to buy anything just yet". 

 

However, my mother works full time and has not had a chance to buy anything yet. Mother in law to be, is now fully retired as of March this year, but was working part time up until she was diagnosed. 

 

So, three weeks ago, Mother in law to be and Father in law to be go off on a little break in between chemo treatment to give her some respite and clean air as she is not feeling great from the treatment, understandably. They go shopping to look for a dress as she is “running out of time to look for anything†and they find two: one cream with a pattern all over it (not ideal, but ok) and one white (sorry, ivory cream to them) with a small black side panel and a matching white blazer with black piping (not ok), pretty much entirely white and looks like something you could wear to a registry office wedding as a bride yourself if you should so wish. 

 

They send images of both dresses to me and husband to be; I say I prefer the first. My Husband to be flat out says no to the second, white (ivory cream) one as its bad etiquette and you shouldn’t wear white to a wedding unless you are a bride or the bride has said its ok to do so. They ignore this message entirely, and buy the second one. WHAT!? Husband to be tells them to return it. They say they can't, they don't know what the problem is and that the girls in the shop thought it was a great idea that she wears white...of course they did, it’s apparently Chanel and they are no doubt making a hefty profit from commission from the sale!!!!! I am not happy, naturally, but how can I tell a woman with cancer to stop being so unreasonable?!

 

Unfortunately, even when not diagnosed with cancer, Mother in law to be is extremely nervy and neurotic and to be honest thinks the world is against her all the time, so would have taken umbridge to the objection we have made anyway, I believe. But in this scenario, as there is cancer involved and she apparently "feels comfortable" in this dress she has now bought, and doesn’t feel she will have time to get an alternative as she is up and down with her treatment, she can't get another dress and is wearing it.

 

***My nerves are now rising, and my lack of being a bridezilla through the whole wedding planning process is about to go out the window!***

 

Both she and father in law to be claim they had no idea such a rule existed where people aren’t meant to white to someone else wedding, which I don’t necessarily believe. Even brother in law to be gets involved and tells them a white dress on anyone other than the bride unless stated, is a massive no-no, but he is met with nothing more than a telling off similar to the one given to my husband to be. Delightful!

 

Husband to be went round to visit his parents last weekend, and asked to see the dress; an entire tirade of hysteria broke out from mother in law to be, whereby she was sobbing uncontrollably, whaling on the floor apparently etc. etc. but would not show him the dress. Instead, just said it is 'ivory cream' as a justification that it isn't 'white'. Sorry but it is on the white spectrum, yes?!

 

He is completely caught in the middle as his wife to be, me, is livid that someone other than me is wearing white (sorry ivory cream) as it is my one pet hate at a wedding. Incidentally, my dress is ivory (does that mean it also isn't white?). Add to the fact that his mother has cancer and has found a dress she “feels comfortable in†and this is an unfair and messy scenario. I appreciate her predicament, I have only just lost my beloved grandfather to cancer, but this is the one time I intend to get married and therefore the one time I will wear the white dress, not to mention a dress made by my own Mum! What’s more, she knew I wanted my Mum to wear white long before she was diagnosed, which won’t be an option now, as my Mum won’t want to match. It makes the whole thing really awkward and horrible. I am really not having a lot of sympathy for my mother in law to be as she was told not to buy it when she sent a picture, and knew in the first place my desire for my own mother to wear white.

 

Quite frankly I have no intention to see her before the actual day as I am so angry about this situation and scared I will either say something and upset her 9not a lot would take it happen anyway), or I would have to hold my tongue entirely and say nothing to keep her quiet and therefore have my own wants shattered.

 

I haven’t actually told my own mum the news yet, as I am dreading doing so. She has done so much for our wedding. The reception is at her house, she has organised the food, drink and is getting the garden in order, all whilst running a business and making me the most important dress of my life. This latter fact will be her biggest gripe over the whole “mother in law wearing white†thing I know, but equally my mother is very compassionate and will appreciate Mother in law to be’s predicament. I know she will take my side though and still be annoyed at the apparent lack of understanding from my point. Mother in law to be is not a nasty person I might add, she is indeed very kind, but this really is mindless and fault also lies with father in law to be as he sent the images of her in the dress and received the message also telling them not to buy it. Not to mention the earful he dished out at the objection to the decision.

 

I look like a complete bitch because I think she should change her dress, but she won’t because of the problems above. Even if she didn't have cancer, it would be insanely difficult to broach the subject as she is so paranoid about everything and would think I was having a dig at her. It would create so much drama that I may as well forgo what I would like just to appease her.

 

Is this fair though? She isn't dying as her cancer is treatable rather than terminal (or as far as I am aware), but she is suffering, I appreciate that. However, she has 5 weeks and that is the only thing she needs to get sorted, nothing else but her treatment makes her too up and down to be able to go shopping.

 

How do I deal with this without creating world war three?

[Chrysta]

WOW! I would of had a heart attack! That's just so wrong!