What to do ....

[EricaMarie]

I am having second thoughts about DW.  We have our date saved at church and venue that will be holding reception.  I am in panic mode over whether or not this is best. 

 

We asked our families if everyone was open to the idea of a destination wedding and would be willing to go and no one objected.  Now that we have sent out save the dates and asked for a preliminary RSVP we have found out that no one in FI family plans to attend other than his parents and one sibling.  His brother, niece, and SIL may come. 

 

I feel terrible because many people in my family want to come.  I am worried that when people need to actually book they will say its too expensive.

 

I knew that not everyone would be able to come going this route.  But between cost and the violence in Mexico I am really worried about who will actually come. 

 

I actually called today to find out what the available dates are for two reception halls in our hometown. 

 

Really trying to decide whats more important having all of our family with us or what I thought was my dream wedding

[deannamarie85]

That's such a hard position to be in. it really is your decision to make anout what is more impotant. I chose to have both a DW and a large fornal AHR with the traditional catering, music, photography, etc. Just know, that whatever you decide, not everyone is going to agree but the most imporant thing is YOU being happy!

Good Luck!

[Vettiebean]

Obviously, everything we write on here is simply opinion. Here's mine: You and your FI should sit down and talk about what's most important to you. Dream wedding or having loved one around you? For me, I'm Vietnamese and my father expects a 400 person wedding, 8 course meal, all day events, and at least 40k in expenses. That's not going to happen. So for a number of reasons, it was easy for us to choose a destination wedding. None of our family is going, and we are more than okay with that. As long as I'm marrying my man and we're surrounded by happiness, I don't really care who's around. Instead, we've decided to do our own thing, live out our dream of getting married on a beach close to sunset, and then go to Texas for a small, intimate dinner with our family and very close friends who couldn't attend the DW. The dinner will be very small, simple, fairly casual, but it is a fair trade to involve our parents and still have what we want. 

 

I see you're from Chicago.... but you're worried about the crime in Mexico? I just moved from Chicago, and there's no shortage of violence and crime in that city, either. The violence and crime isn't happening on the resort grounds, and not as much in the resort cities, and all travelers know to be cautious when traveling. I think a few other brides share your worries, and I can understand and respect that perspective, but try not to worry too much... Pretty sure I saw more crime occur in a week in Chicago than I will in Mexico. 

[mmcst38]

I think what you need to ask yourselves is,how does your "dream wedding" look, is it you and your FI saying your vows on/near the beach, the main focal point or is it you and you FI surrounded bt family saying your vows. At one point or another all of us on here have stopped and thought about this part of DW, for me personally our dream wedding was all about us, as self absorbed as that may seem, we decided we were doing this for us and are so excited to start our lives how we want, not how we are expected to by having the same reception all of our friends/family have had in the same 3 locations around the city....our family and friends that are making the trip are like an extra bonus. As far as violence I agree with vettiebean 100%

[EricaMarie]

I appreciate everyone's opinions.  I am not worried about violence on the resort but that is what all of our guests are worried about.  I tell all of my guests that what do others think about Chicago hearing about all the crime here.  I have lived in Chicago my whole life which is 26 years and have never seen violence myself.  I know it happens but it is all a matter of where you are.  Unfortunately thanks to the news everyone is under the impression that there is violence everywhere in Mexico.

 

My FI tells me we are absolutely not changing the plan and going forth with the DW even though he will not have much family there.  Maybe some of his family will come around.

[Vettiebean]

Sometimes, having a future hubby to just make/stick to a decision is a really good thing! I know when I'm feeling torn or indecisive, having FI make the decision for me makes me feel better. Hopefully, it'll relieve some of your stress as well. Have you considered having a party/AHR when you get back from the DW? 

 

I agree that the news just concentrates on the violence and crime in Mexico. But, you could always counter the news media with gossip/celebrity media! A few of us brides were actually talking about the violence/crime in another thread, and I'd made the comment that invitees must have missed the media coverage on the several celebrities loungin' and partying it up in Cabo over the holidays. It's like there was some special celebrity group meeting there over the holidays!

 

I'm happy you've never seen violence in Chicago. You're fortunate. I think where you are and location is only a portion of it. Obviously, don't go walking around alone in sketchy neighborhoods at night. But crime occurs everywhere, not just in sketchy neighborhoods. Statistics show that Gold Cost has one of the highest crime rates, as per my old criminal law/crim procedure/con law professor. I lived in the Gold Coast, right by the Hancock (off Delaware and State), and was attacked and assaulted. That is pretty prime real estate as far as Chicago is concerned. There were several break ins in my high rise building and in the parking garages (which were around 285/month to park), and NO ONE with a brain walked the two blocks to the McDonalds down the street on State St past 10pm. I was surrounded by some of the most upscale shopping a girl could love, and some of the highest crime rates the city has to offer. I would take the train to/from work and have seen some pretty horrible fights. (Imagine someone getting beat with a sock filled with coins, or a fight with a guy using his big bike lock.) There's no real control over who is allowed to go where on the public transit system or in a city. But your guests should have some comfort in knowing resorts are usually very careful about checking all types of ID, confirmation, reservations before you pass multiple check points and guarded gates to enter the premises. 

[EricaMarie]

I agree  Yes, he knows that this is what we want and need to focus on that.  We would have an reception of some sort when we get back. I love your idea of showing all the celebs out there!

 

 I know my guests would not be going wondering into sketchy areas. 

 

I am sorry to hear about your experiences in Chicago.  I grew up on the south side of Chicago so I know the violence was around, but my neighborhood was nice and we didn't go out looking for trouble.  In your case though that is not preventable, but could happen anywhere. 

 

I am just keeping my fingers crossed that we have the most important people there with us and that will be all that matters. 

 

Thanks for listening to my worries!

[hulagirl132]

have a wedding that YOU want to do, not what you everyone is telling you to do. When we decided to have a DW, we were prepared to be married with just the two of us, because that could happen. We can always celebrate back home with our family and friends, but for our actual wedding, we wanted to do what we knew in our heart was right for us.

 

With that said, we have 40 guests coming (more than I could have imagined when I first planned it) so we are happy and everyone that matters are coming on our wedding so we are very happy with that.

 

Good luck

[EricaMarie]

Thanks! Yes, we are going ahead with the wedding we wanted.  We have 27 guests who have purchased airline tickets and booked hotel so far.  I also have family in Mexico who know will be coming.  It is just hard because FI only has 5 people from his family coming.  We are still not sure if his brother, SIL and niece will be coming (bestman and Flowergirl)  so I know that is upsetting him. 

 

I am just mad now that my parents will be paying for a nicer and more expensive reception since soo many people had said they were definitely coming but have now backed out.  I already signed contract for reception so hoping that the owner of the venue does discount some if we end up having less guests.  This makes me not want to have a AHR now since people are choosing to not go it isn't that they can't afford or are able to come.

 

Those who we thought could not afford it or would never come were the first who booked! 

 

I am staying positive and thinking about how we can now socialize with our guests who are coming easier and I will be able to make OOT bags since we will have less guests now!