Calling All StepMoms & SM2B's :)

[kellygrrrl]

hey ladies - does anyone know of a great step-parenting (or step-mom, specifically) website? sort of a bdw for stepparents? my FSIL recommended www.istepfamily.com but it appears to be down. I think a resource like that would be super helpful.

 

thanks for any recommendations!

[Ellabaja1983]

Breathenagain - That definitely is a different story when it comes to step-children...  We all certainly have our stories, don't we??  Personally, I wonder if marrying a widower is easier than a divorcee.  I know that may sound harsh, but hear me out...  With a widower, you don't have the ex there in the picture.  Granted, you do have the widowed-inlaws (totally made that up) assuming they want to be in the picture, but you don't have that ex there complaining all the time, or making your life miserable, as some ex's do.  I know the other side of that is you still want the children (or child) to know about their mother and you have to go about that, which I can imagine would be hard at times... but I guess the grass is always greener....isn't it.  There are definitely disadvantages on both sides... it's just a matter of how much you want to deal with...  Your story is harder though, because you have an ex AND widow-inlaws...  so you have both scenario's in one...  I do not envy you at all!  I at least hope that the widow-inlaws aren't too bad around you...

 

 

 

Kelly - I've actually been searching for something like that too....  I have been unsuccessful though.  If anyone has suggestions, let us know!!

 

 

[xtenna]

I am a SM to a 13 yo boy who lives pretty far away.  It has been very interesting so far.  I've had him since he was 4.  I still feel like we are on different planets, I know things would be different if he lived closer.  I feel like it is a game...does anyone know what I am talking about?

[xtenna]

I am a SM to a 13 yo boy who lives pretty far away.  It has been very interesting so far.  I've had him since he was 4.  I still feel like we are on different planets, I know things would be different if he lived closer.  I feel like it is a game...does anyone know what I am talking about?

[kellygrrrl]

yes absolutely, and even though our trek is only 20 - 30 mins, we're 1.5 years in (one year of living together), and I still wonder who these kids are sometimes. I heard it absolutely CAN take 7+ years for the new family to bond, but depending on your vistation, I think it could definitely take longer than that. and boys are tough, too (especially with adolescence plays a role). I don't worry so much about bonding with my FI's daughter (9 yrs), but his son (11 yrs) is a completely different story. sometimes it feels almost bleak and ominous when I wonder if there ever will be an 'easy' time of us getting along. the love isn't a guarantee, but if it's something you want, I think it's possible to get there.  

 

is there a way for you to spend time with him without doing something too 'boy' (i.e. not paintball but maybe miniature golf?) one of my (grown) friends said she had a great relationship with her stepdad growing up. when I asked why/how, she said he used to take them to school and that car ride was where they bonded. I know it's WAY easier said than done (and I need to do more of it myself), but Dr. Phil advised finding a common interest - play his video games when he's not around, etc. -- that will give you something to talk about. it could be a great place to start. : )

 

good luck, and please keep us posted.

 

Originally Posted by xtenna 

I am a SM to a 13 yo boy who lives pretty far away.  It has been very interesting so far.  I've had him since he was 4.  I still feel like we are on different planets, I know things would be different if he lived closer.  I feel like it is a game...does anyone know what I am talking about?

 

[baileybutton]

 

 

Originally Posted by xtenna 

 

I am a SM to a 13 yo boy who lives pretty far away.  It has been very interesting so far.  I've had him since he was 4.  I still feel like we are on different planets, I know things would be different if he lived closer.  I feel like it is a game...does anyone know what I am talking about?

 

I am a future step mom to a 14 year old boy who lives about a 7 hour drive away. Things were much easier when he was younger but recently he started resenting me (I think-or that's how I feel) He has said he is not coming to our wedding. I figure it's just teenage crap but who knows. I'm trying to be understanding but his parents have been separated for almost 9 years, I've been dating his dad for 8 years so it's not like I'm new in the picture. I wish we lived closer. I think he would get to know me better, and vice versa. 

 

[kellygrrrl]

from what I've read, the marriage is the final blow to the 'mom and dad will someday get back together' ideal they may be harboring (either consciously or unconsciously). maybe his statement about not coming to the wedding is just a reaction to that and, in time, he will want to be there.

 

how often do you see him? when is your wedding?

 

Originally Posted by baileybutton 

I am a future step mom to a 14 year old boy who lives about a 7 hour drive away. Things were much easier when he was younger but recently he started resenting me (I think-or that's how I feel) He has said he is not coming to our wedding. I figure it's just teenage crap but who knows. I'm trying to be understanding but his parents have been separated for almost 9 years, I've been dating his dad for 8 years so it's not like I'm new in the picture. I wish we lived closer. I think he would get to know me better, and vice versa. 

 

 

[baileybutton]

I see him a few times a year, my FI sees him every three weeks or so (he is actually gone to see him this weekend) As I said before, we've been together 8 years....we are planning on getting married on our 10th anniversary (or as close to it as possible) April 26, 2013.

 

I completely agree with it being the final blow that mom and dad are not getting back together, although I don't understand cause his mother has a boyfriend that lives with them, and has for 9 years.

[Ellabaja1983]

 

 

Originally Posted by baileybutton 

 

I see him a few times a year, my FI sees him every three weeks or so (he is actually gone to see him this weekend) As I said before, we've been together 8 years....we are planning on getting married on our 10th anniversary (or as close to it as possible) April 26, 2013.

 

I completely agree with it being the final blow that mom and dad are not getting back together, although I don't understand cause his mother has a boyfriend that lives with them, and has for 9 years.

 

 How often does he come to your house?  I noticed you said that your FI is GOING to see him this weekend...  Is it not an option for him to come to you and your FI?

[baileybutton]

No, his mom won't take him up here. He was here for a week in the summer for a couple of years before his friends became super important. He would be bored to tears up here. He is a pretty popular kid, he is always out and doing stuff. There is no way we could drive 14 hours (there and back) to pick him up and 14 hours to drive him home, it's financially impossible and there is not enough vacation time available. I rarely go home because I have a small family that I don't get along with, lol.

 

FI is going to to see him because FI and I are from the same city (he is in the military which is why we live away from home) all of our family lives in the same city. FI's father lives in his ex's basement and is best friends with his sister. Everyone is nice and there is very little weirdness....although I know as I'm typing this and you are reading it...it must seem weird. His Ex is nice, we talk regularly. Although, I don't necessarily trust her because women can be pretty devious. She always seems to have her hand out for more money.