Calling All StepMoms & SM2B's :)

[Ellabaja1983]

I love this!  It's such a great attitude to take! 

Originally Posted by coconoir1908 

 

The one thing that I told all of them FI, The Mom, daughter and my son is that I don't believe in calling anyone STEP.. so when I introduce you, you will be my daughter. And that's not to take away from anyone but that's just me.  I will always treat you, as if you are my own daughter because I do not believe in separation. His family is really supportive as well so its great.

[coconoir1908]

Ellabaja1983

 

So often things happens and the children have nothing to do with it.  Who knows all that goes on in the minds of these children (was it their fault, what if they did something etc..) but isn't it nice to know that they have "another mom, or dad, or whatever name(s) that they may call us" that will be there for them.

 

I'm not saying that it will be easy all the time, everything in life has its challenges but I just encourage everyone to try your best to treat your new daughters and sons as your own.  I know that I would give a right arm, leg, kidney for my 10 year old, and guess what I expect that same of the man that I will marry.  Besides he we all knew what we were getting into right? Even if we have to or find ourselves
banging our heads sometimes ;-) 

 

Nite Nite or Good Morning to some.

Originally Posted by Ellabaja1983 

I love this!  It's such a great attitude to take! 

Quote:

Originally Posted by coconoir1908 

 

The one thing that I told all of them FI, The Mom, daughter and my son is that I don't believe in calling anyone STEP.. so when I introduce you, you will be my daughter. And that's not to take away from anyone but that's just me.  I will always treat you, as if you are my own daughter because I do not believe in separation. His family is really supportive as well so its great.

 

[big3n09]

coconoir1908 that is a good attitude and I plan to introduce my step children as mine as well, I'll deal with any questions that may arise given I'm not that much older than his oldest 2.  I myself can relate since my parents divorced when I was 8, my dad got remarried when I was 15. I don't have a relationship with my father's wife, whole nother story. I am respectful to her and I've finally gotten to a point where I don't even worry about their relationship I just pray.  Since I feel how I do about my father's wife and that situation I try my best not to have FI kids look at me or carry things with me the same as I experienced.  I've had my days but as I stated I'm looking at it now as I've done the hard part.

[Ellabaja1983]

See, for me it's difficult at times because there are times where I just can't see myself in that "mother" role.  My oldest step-son is just 12 years younger than me...  I really feel more of the "motherly" way to FIs youngest, but I'm pretty sure his mother is finding ways to plot him against me.  I know it sounds silly, but I'm sure some of you can understand because there are some mothers out there who are just cruel to the "step-mother."  That's what I feel happens here.  Things have started to get better recently, but part of me feels like that's because the youngest has realized that I'm not going anywhere.... 

[coconoir1908]

Ellabaja big3and09,

 

I totally understand!!  I was raised by my grandmother totally long story there so I know how it feels on both ends.  And Ellabaja, I totally know how it feels with the "mom destroying things" For some reason it seems that most men that I have dated which tended to be 10-15yrs older than me had kids, so I have unfortunately dealt with it all.  Being that FI and I are so close to age, and both having only 1 child, our ideals are very much the same on parenting.  We were both very strict on introducing our children to anybody and it wasn't until mid way through our relationship that we met each others kid. 

 

Nevertheless, he and I both agreed (once we knew that this was it for us) to sit down and talk with his daughter's mom.  In that conversation FI told her his plans on marrying me etc..  she and I had our own conversation where she and I both exchanged questions etc..  and that was that.  So around prom time things were a bit smoother and she herself came to me and said, you are a good fit for him.  I was floored to say the least.  But I can say it does make it easier when your FI and the mom have a good parental relationship or at least a mutual agreement.

 

Ladies, I encourage you to talk to your FI about how you feel.  HE is the KEY in all of this!  Without his intervention, push or direction, things will be harder than what they should be and this is not fair to us "new moms"  Oh and I would also encourage you to do things with the kids apart from your FI.  This way they can get to know you.  Boy was I ultra nervous doing this but his daughter talked from the time I picked her up until the time I dropped her off.  We hung out so long that her dad called the both of us and asked if we were okay... she laughed her heart out and said "yes i'm having a good time".  Needless to say when I finally got home, I had a surprise waiting for me

 

sorry for the misspellings I am on Theraflu ;-(

 

 

Originally Posted by Ellabaja1983 

See, for me it's difficult at times because there are times where I just can't see myself in that "mother" role.  My oldest step-son is just 12 years younger than me...  I really feel more of the "motherly" way to FIs youngest, but I'm pretty sure his mother is finding ways to plot him against me.  I know it sounds silly, but I'm sure some of you can understand because there are some mothers out there who are just cruel to the "step-mother."  That's what I feel happens here.  Things have started to get better recently, but part of me feels like that's because the youngest has realized that I'm not going anywhere.... 

[adales]

I am also in this club!  My FI has three kids - two boys ages 16 & 11 and a girl who is 13.  I am only 29 and he is 38, so he also started early.  They are all from his ex-wife and believe it or not, we get along great!  She called me to wish me a happy birthday and even sent me a "Congrats" text when we got engaged.  They recently went on vacation to the Riviera Maya and her and her husband went out of their way to check out our resort and grab pamphlets of things that we should do while we are there. 

 

I haven't had any real conflicts with the kids.  His daughter and I had alittle bit of an issue but I think it mostly stemmed tot he fact that I was another girl oin her daddy's life, we are awesome now. 

 

FI and I don't plan on having any kids of our own, so I am treating these children just like they are my own!

[coconoir1908]

Go Adales,

 

Wait you just got the maracas from amols in right?  Totally I understand the whole daddy and daughter bond.  That's great that you two were able to work through that. 

Originally Posted by adales 

I am also in this club!  My FI has three kids - two boys ages 16 & 11 and a girl who is 13.  I am only 29 and he is 38, so he also started early.  They are all from his ex-wife and believe it or not, we get along great!  She called me to wish me a happy birthday and even sent me a "Congrats" text when we got engaged.  They recently went on vacation to the Riviera Maya and her and her husband went out of their way to check out our resort and grab pamphlets of things that we should do while we are there. 

 

I haven't had any real conflicts with the kids.  His daughter and I had alittle bit of an issue but I think it mostly stemmed tot he fact that I was another girl oin her daddy's life, we are awesome now. 

 

FI and I don't plan on having any kids of our own, so I am treating these children just like they are my own!

[Ellabaja1983]

See, FI and the mother don't have the greatest relationship...  I think her and I have a better relationship than the two of them do.  It has gotten a little more difficult in the past 6 months when she realized that this was really happening and we were getting married.  She's made a point in making things a little more difficult.  She really enjoys inconveniencing FI and I so she can do what she wants, when she wants, with her boyfriend of almost a year now.  Even if it's her weekend, she expects FI to help out with getting the kids to/from their sporting events, but when it's his weekend, "it doesn't fit into her plan."  Of course FI isn't going to make it difficult for the kids and is always there for both boys sporting events, so he does what he needs to do.  I think that has become our biggest obsticle.

 

I must say, a couple of years ago when FMIL said, "Oh yea (insert boys mother's name here), said that she really likes you and that you are easy to get along with!"  I responded to FMIL with, "Of course I am!  Why would I not be?  It would only cause more problems for FI, and I don't want that!" 

[coconoir1908]

Arrggh I despise women/men like that.  Just pain in the butts for no reason   Well, I support you keep doing what you have been and you and FI stand strong.
 

Originally Posted by Ellabaja1983 

See, FI and the mother don't have the greatest relationship...  I think her and I have a better relationship than the two of them do.  It has gotten a little more difficult in the past 6 months when she realized that this was really happening and we were getting married.  She's made a point in making things a little more difficult.  She really enjoys inconveniencing FI and I so she can do what she wants, when she wants, with her boyfriend of almost a year now.  Even if it's her weekend, she expects FI to help out with getting the kids to/from their sporting events, but when it's his weekend, "it doesn't fit into her plan."  Of course FI isn't going to make it difficult for the kids and is always there for both boys sporting events, so he does what he needs to do.  I think that has become our biggest obsticle.

 

I must say, a couple of years ago when FMIL said, "Oh yea (insert boys mother's name here), said that she really likes you and that you are easy to get along with!"  I responded to FMIL with, "Of course I am!  Why would I not be?  It would only cause more problems for FI, and I don't want that!" 

[nadennec]

I know exactly what you're talking about! My FI's ex (lives 2 hours away in another town) but would randomly come in town not telling us and drop off his daughter. Of course he wants to spend as much time with her as possible, but it was more like she was just using him as a babysitter so she could see her boyfriend. One time she even called on her way in town and made us cancel our plans so we could wait for her, she had his daughter call and say she was coming to see him, then didn't pick her up until Monday at 5am so she could drive back out of town to get his daughter to school, which I did not agree was healthy for his daughter to be traveling like that. I believe a child needs some sort of stability, especially with the crazy mom she has! She has always made life so difficult for us because its always about her, not their daughter. We've never had a good relationship, but the past year or so she has seemed to warmed up to me. My FMIL says I should be careful bc its all an act. My FI even found out recently that a year ago she was calling his family in another state ALL the time, out of no where, trying to get in good with them so they would convinve my FI to leave me and go back to her!!! But regardless of all this, his daughter and I have a great relationship. Its been difficult at times early on bc before we talked about marriage and kids he always made comments to everyone that no child could ever be as perfect as her, and he didn't even want to bother trying. So this definitely made me feel like if we had children he would love them as much as her. But after alot of talking about things we've gotten through it.

 

Sorry to vent, but I've never really been to talk to anyone that understands what I'm going through, and so glad I found this thread!

 

Originally Posted by Ellabaja1983 

See, FI and the mother don't have the greatest relationship...  I think her and I have a better relationship than the two of them do.  It has gotten a little more difficult in the past 6 months when she realized that this was really happening and we were getting married.  She's made a point in making things a little more difficult.  She really enjoys inconveniencing FI and I so she can do what she wants, when she wants, with her boyfriend of almost a year now.  Even if it's her weekend, she expects FI to help out with getting the kids to/from their sporting events, but when it's his weekend, "it doesn't fit into her plan."  Of course FI isn't going to make it difficult for the kids and is always there for both boys sporting events, so he does what he needs to do.  I think that has become our biggest obsticle.

 

I must say, a couple of years ago when FMIL said, "Oh yea (insert boys mother's name here), said that she really likes you and that you are easy to get along with!"  I responded to FMIL with, "Of course I am!  Why would I not be?  It would only cause more problems for FI, and I don't want that!"