Bridesmaid bust!

[graciousbride]

I know this has been discussed but I need to be talked off a ledge here:( First I gave everyone 18 months notice on our plans for the Aruba wedding.... Including my 3 best friends. I offered to pay everyones airfare and party expenses such as dresses ect... My MOH is someone I have been friends with since we are 8 years old. And the other two almost just as long. They all accepted the invitation. My MOH has special circumstances so I offered to pay for the whole trip for both her and her kids. She backed out 3 months prior to the wedding after I had confronted her about her distance. She says she doesn't want me to pay for her to go. Understood.... But why string me along promising me if you felt this way. I did not giver her a hard time but now she won't answer my call or texts. The other BM says it's a financial issue. And it's not, in reality she just didn't care enough to plan on going. Her and her husband have great jobs and no kids. The third BM was just married in august then got pregnant right away. I automatically counted her out. Then she calls and says She got clearance from the doctor last week.... And that she would be coming. I was so surprised and excited to have a friend come. But now it seems like she still won't commit. She says now she is waiting for work clearance. wTF! Everytime I say hey let me buy ur dress or ticket she gives me the runaround. I wish she never told me she was coming... I spent a whole month crying trying to get over the idea that nobody will be coming for me besides my mom and brother. And all three of my friends have written me off since wedding planning started. I did nothing to deserve this. I feel it's time to do the same to them and move on. I feel alone, hurt, depressed, have nobody to be excited about things girls get excited about with. I can go on and on. But I feel like they aren't as good as friends I have made them out to be in my head. Sorry for the long post. Thanks for listening if you made it through. Wish I would have known that zero of my guests were coming I feel like I'm eloping now!

[johnnmakenzie11]

I know that that kind of thing is really hard to handle but you just have to keep some perspective. Most of my friends recently graduated/ are still in college so most of them aren't coming. It makes me kind of sad, but im so happy to be marrying my best friend in the perfect place that Im okay with it. Just know you arent alone at all

[merrylee]

You are definitely not alone, I think in some way we've all felt like this at some point during our planning process.  My SIL told me that there was no way in hell they would be able to afford it not with 2 adults and 4 kids, and while I understand that I also thought to myself they spent 5k on a vacation 2 years in a row they could definitely afford to go especially giving them 16 months.  So I cried and cried and then I realized that yes I want them there but not enough to change my dreams.

But there are moments when I do email FI and ask him what if no body ends up going?  It makes me feel unloved and it hasn't even happened yet, so I can only imagine how you are feeling.  But you have us and an amazing wedding coming up.  Take the $ you were going to use to pay for all of their stuff and blow it on yourselves and the people who are going to be spending this amazing time with you.

[ryan190]

You are not alone.   This is the curse of the destination wedding.   Even if you offer to pay for everything, other people may not be able to go.   It seems that the only people who can go are friends who are out of school and out of work, really old retired relatives or your parents.   I think you're actually lucky to get your brother to go with you.   Just understand, these people really do want to come and wish you well and they aren't trying to jerk you around.    But they need to concentrate on their lives too.   No matter what happens, you and FI will be husband and wife and that's all that matters.

[mmcst38]

You are defintiely not alone but unforutnately I disagree with ryan190, I feel (just from the quick story you posted) that these people are definitely giving you the run around! I mean you offered to pay! You offer to pay for my plane ticket and I'm there! But, the biggest thing to me that says they (or at least some) are giving you the "run around" is because they are avoiding you. Pleanty of people can't go to our wedding in May but the are still in my life and asking questions about plans and what not, except one, my BF  from college, she ahsn't asked me one thing because she doesn't know if she is going yet because she WANTS to get pregnant, nevermind pregnancy is not an illness that would keep you from a vacation (hello heard of a babymoon) but my MOH (BF since 6th grade) will be 7 months pregnant. Its just about that persons character, selfishness shows at these times, nevermind all I have done for her for her wedding and multiple issues through otu life, but whatever. Point being you are definitely not alone and IMO I don't want those kind of unreliable people in my life, and am glad this happened when it was a joyful time in my life god forbid a devastating one when I found out I couldn't count on her. Good luck, have fun with your other guests,

[LMango]

I don't think it has anything to do with the DW you're planning--if you've offered to pay for everything, it should be pretty simple for your friends to figure out if they can or cannot go on a paid for vacation and watch their BF get married.

 

F**k them. THIS IS WHY I HAVE NO GIRLFRIENDS!! There's always some bloody drama!! Even right now, the girl I asked to be my MOH said, "no thanks," and then told me I talk about the wedding too much. Oh really?? Then f**k off.

The SECOND person I asked to be my MOH I've been friends with for 27 years [i'm 29]. She said no, because she already told a mutual acquaintance she would go to her wedding [i asked her first, I wanted her to be my MOH, AND I've been BEST FRIENDS with her for 27 years, while she's only be friends with this stupid girl for 10 years.

 

You aren't nearly as important to your friends as they are to themselves. I even had a girlfriend ask me to order her a green salad and chicken breast instead of the same food everybody else is eating at my wedding. They make it about themselves.

 

Just remember that you and your husband are a team. When you're down, he'll be there, and vica versa. As long as he is there [and you have family going too], your wedding will be amazing.

[MDLady]

Sorry to hear that this is happening.  That really sucks.  And yes, as others said, this is quite common.

 

It's really crappy of these girls to avoid you or be non-committal.  They probably feel bad and don't want to say no, but in the end, they are just stringing you along and making it more difficult for you to make plans.  For your own sanity, I would assume that they are NOT coming if they are not committing, and in the end, if they do, that's a bonus.  Otherwise you will be very disappointed and you will struggle with making plans with so much uncertainty.  That's just my $0.02 on the issue.

 

I had a bridesmaid who is one of my best friends drive me crazy for a while because she did not book her ticket until literally a month before the wedding.  But she had her dress and then some drama was happening which stressed me out, but I figured that I will just go with the flow.  She ended up coming alone w/o her bf but whatever.  My husband's 2 cousins ended up not coming, one due to illness and the other due to a last minute work trip.  It all worked out ok.

 

I know that you are angry and hurt, but I would just take some time before confronting any of your friends.  We as brides, get so emotional that it's easy to just fly off the handle (at least for me).  If your friends are being crappy to you, just calmly explain to them why what they are doing is hurting your feelings and what you need from them..  Otherwise you will just create more stress and drama at a time when you should be so very excited.

 

Good luck with everything

[MDLady]

Oh and shoot, if someone was inviting me to their destination wedding and paying the airfare, I'd go to a stranger's wedding haha.  Seriously.

[deannamarie85]

I am really sorry to hear this, however it seems like bm backing out is pretty common. My sister had her BM cancel one month before the wedding...pretty crappy. Hang in there and know that no matter what, you are about to get married and at the end of it all that is what is most important.

[zelda062]

I just had my best friend, who was my MOH back out on me today.  She already bought the dress and everything.  I guess it really bothers me because from the beginning, she said she would come to my wedding no matter what.  Now it is 3 months until the wedding and I have to ask someone last minute to "fill in"  How do you ask somone...Oh the person I wanted to be my MOH bailed out on me, but you are my second choice, will you do it?  I feel horrible just thinking about it!