Help!!! I need advice on my MOH!!!

bride2be31011 · January 21, 2011

So I asked my best friend to be my Matron of Honor in our wedding. We are only having a Best Man and Matron of Honor, since it is a destination wedding and we didn't want a big wedding party. Well, I asked her well over a year ago in the early planning stages just to make sure that she would have enough time to save and everything. Her husband and her have always had a pretty rocky marriage. She found out she was pregnant after they had only been dating for 3 months, so they decided to get married before they had the child, which only seemed like the right thing to do at the time. But now, 8 years and 2 kids later, they are miserable. Needless to say, I received a text message from her this morning stating that her husband and her got into a fight about the trip/wedding lastnight and that he doesn't think they can afford it and blah blah blah! Typical to come from him, because she wants to do something and he has to hold her back! Anyways, so she says they had an argument and that she was wondering if we could pay for her plane ticket and then she would pay us back because she doesn't want her husband to freak about it. Well, either way he is going to know about it, and our wedding is March 10......WHY HAVE YOU NOT PURCHASED YOUR TICKETS YET!!!!! So, now I'm wondering if she is trying to say in a round about way that she isn't going to be able to be in the wedding or what is going on!!! I can make other arrangements but I need to know NOW!!! But she is the type of person that won't just come out and say things because she's either scared or embarrassed!! I won't be upset either way, as long as she tells me know instead of waiting until the week of the wedding and decides that her husband is being to big of an a*hole and that she can't go at all, then we're screwed! I honestly just want to tell her to not even worry about it, and to just stay home so that it doesn't cause more problems between them and I don't have to worry about it everyday if she really is going to go! But I don't know how to go about it without it coming off as rude! I need help!!! Or an alcoholic beverage sounds good too!!!! Everything was stress free until the past couple of weeks! AAAAHHHH!!!! Thanks ladies for listening I really appreciate it!

JUSTUSTWO · January 22, 2011

It sounds like you need to sit down & have a serious heart to heart with your bff, when her husband is not around that is. Maybe talking to her face to face will help you figure out where she's coming from & to see if her intentions of going to your wedding are in fact genuine, especially before you make the committment to pay for her ticket. I think that if you really want her there, she needs to hear how important her presence is to you. Now if you are at the point where you really don't want her to attend, then like you said, break that to her gently. Just tell her that you feel like your wedding is causing complications btwn her & her hubby and the last thing you want is to cause problems in her marriage so you think it would be better for her to not attend.

I hope that it all goes well & that she does come through for you. But just in case she doesn't, don't get stressed out. You'll be so caught up on your wedding day, that you won't be thinking about who did not make it, even if they are close family & friends.

smtc0245 · January 22, 2011

I am in a very similar situation. My MOH and her husband have not booked yet either. They had a baby recently and she isn't making any money on Mat leave because she is self employed. I text her pretty much everyday with prices for the trip whenever they are below 1500/person because that is the cap that her husband put on it. She just went to Nova Scotia for a last minute trip with her son to visit her family and my wedding is 3 weeks away on Feb 17th. I told her that I understand if they can't make it and to tell me if they can't because I would also need to make other arrangments but she still insists that they will be able to go and that it is her husband that is holding her back. It really frustrates me because the prices now are above 1500/person more like 1600+ and they were as low as 1200 when my FI and I booked our trip. Anyways you just need to straight out tell her that you understand its difficult and that you will understand if she can't make it. I have tried this and she still insists they are going but with 3 weeks left I'm having very little comfort in that.

Debs · January 22, 2011

This so happened to me and a hundred girls on here so you are SO not alone!!

I was going to wait until the person had booked the trip before asking them to be in my wedding party, but in the end, we only had 8 people commit to come down, so I didn't have anyone stand up with me, which was fine with me in the end. I actually even preferred it, so none of my guests weren't caught up in the dress/hair/makeup thing.

My BFF ended up being an honorary maid of honour and organized my shower and stuff for me at home, but right up until a week before we left she kept saying we are coming last minute! YA, whatever!

I would not pay for her ticket. You have enough expenses to worry about, and if other people (especially bridal party!) finds out you paid for her ticket and not theirs, there might be hard feelings. If she can't make it, she can't make it, end of story, IMO.