Getting family on board with a DW

mellehel · January 21, 2011

Hi everybody, I just found this website and am so excited! It looks like a great resource for planning. My FI and I have been engaged and living common-law for quite a while but are finally going to plan the wedding. We are looking at Feb-March 2012 but haven't told our families yet.

FI is military and we live across the country from all friends and family so I thought a DW would be perfect instead of planning a wedding back home. The problem though is both of our families don't really travel and I am pretty sure we are going to run into alot of complaints. We have made up our minds that a DW is the best choice for us, even if it is just us and our 2 children on the trip, but would love some family to be able to come.

I guess my question is, does anyone else have any ideas on how to approach family and convince them they need a vacation? I know they would all love it, but they are used to more traditional weddings in both families.

Thanks, sorry it was so long winded!!

krsmith · January 21, 2011

Congrats!

I think just about everyone can relate to you. I think just about everyone we have told has voiced some kind of concern/complaint about our DW. Mostly about finances. I have heard from a few friends that have done a DW that many of their guests did the same thing, but ultimately they ended up going, and saying they had a GREAT time and want to do it again (even if they were REALLY opposed to spending the money)! Just do what you feel is best, and the people who REALLY matter will be the ones to make the effort...and for those who can't afford it, if it is important to you for them to be there, see if your finances would allow to help them!

Happy Planning!

MDLady · January 21, 2011

As krsmith said, you will definitely find support on this topic here.

We got married in May 2010 and let me tell you, my family put me through the ringer with the whole DW idea. They have never been to a DW nor did they know anyone who did one so to them it was just a strange concept. I heard for months how bad of an idea it was and how nobody was going to come. I even started looking locally just to see if maybe I could find a place locally that I would love but thankfully, my fiance had my back and helped me through the whole ordeal of dealing with my family. His family didn't have ANY complaints at all and were all super excited to come. Go figure.

My family travels at least once a year to the Caribbean and I know that they love the beach but for some reason they were very concerned that none of our friends would be able to come. They tried every single argument to get me to change my mind but I really wanted a Caribbean wedding and my husband is from South America so if we did it in the US, most of his family/friends would not have been able to come. Luckily I had that excuse to fall back on, although in reality I was the one that wanted the beach wedding.

The only advice that I can give you is to prepare yourself for some opposition and just have patience. It's most likely that nobody in your family had ever been to a DW so the concept is foreign to them and they have no idea how amazing it will be. But also, do not be offended if someone cannot come as a DW does require travel and money on your guests' parts. I told my family/friends that I'd love for them all to come but if they could not or did not want to, I would not be upset at all. All of my family and many of our friends ended up going and everyone had a great time. My family still talks about the wedding and how amazing the whole trip was and how great it was to have my whole family there together (we are spread out all across the Northeast). So just stand your ground, have lots of patience, and if this is what you really want, be ready to defend your reasons and position. Hopefully everyone will come and have a great time, then they can all eat their words

mellehel · January 22, 2011

Thanks for the support guys! I am so looking forward to all the planning and just don't want to hurt our families by not having the wedding back home. But like my FI tells me, they got to plan their wedding, now it is my turn!