Bummed about my "inactive" groom

[Mel2010]

I guess I'm the only bride-to-be on the opposite side of the fence here... I told my FI all he has to do is SHOW UP!! LOL And that I would plan the rest. In all honesty though, I know my guy will want to pick his suit and what the GMs will wear and definitely have a say in food and music. That's all men care about, not the flowers, colors of the wedding, invitations, etc. This stuff is for us girls to enjoy! Don't sweat the small stuff - Hugs!!

[jszy10]

Thanks ladies.  I know you girls are right!  On the positive side, FI went to bed, bath and beyond with me and picked out everything I wanted him to help me with!  )  I do think it took me addressing that I was upset for him to realized that he did need to be a little involved.  I didn't even ask him to go to the store, it was HIS idea to stop while we were out!  I do, in hindsight, appreciate the fact that I can pick everything out that I like/want for the wedding without anyone challenging it!

[bmadzia1]

Guys will be guys.. .and nothing can change that. 

 

Mine told me to just 'run things by him' lol .. whatever that means.  In the begnining he seemed that he doesn't care - just wants whatever makes me happy.  I complained to him that it's our day and I value his input. So now, when I show him some details, he adds his opinion. For example, the invites: we had two colours for the cover - I couldn't decide, well, we were on opposite side of the colours. FI said: get our kid to decide. Awesome - no argument (but glad kid went MY way LOL).  Then I presented colours for decor... AND THIS LEFT ME SPEECHLESS for days... I showed him Aqua decor and fuschia/orange. He said the PINK one is the nicest. This coming from a guy who will not even wear a pink tie!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

We don't have the registry going (we have everything), but I know he wouldn't really want to go.  Not because it's "for me", but because he hates that kind of shopping with me. He just mokes me all the time: "Maybe this one, or maybe this one". Finally ending with "Will you already make up your mind!" HAHA...

[Vic0214]

I know how you feel I feel the same way! My Fiancee wants nothign to do with it. i 've been doing everything and it kinda hurts me. I feel like he dosn't really care about anything.
 

Originally Posted by jszy10 

Hey girls!! Ok, so maybe I'm a little emotional because its about my time of the month..but I got really upset tonight over maybe the littlest thing.  Tonight we were laying in bed and I brought up to my FI about him needing to set aside time to go register for some things with me.  Right away he rolled over and said his good night and I was like "This isn't all just for me, its for you too.  It's for us." His reply is that "it IS all for you" (meaning me) -- and that was that.  Now i'm up out of bed because I can't sleep because I'm really bummed about the fact that he really hasn't helped me with anything so far.  While on some level I feel like some brides would be THRILLED that their FI doesn't "care" about what colors you pick or what centerpiece you want or what pans you want to register for, I really DO care and I really DO want him to be involved. Am I alone here!?

 

I have no doubt that this has absolutely no reflection on how he feels about me or the wedding, I KNOW he wants to marry me and I know he's excited about the wedding, he just has no opinions about anything relating to it.  His words to me on multiple occasions -- "I just want to show up..."

 

Maybe I should stop worrying or caring so much, but its hard for me!  I just want everything to be perfect for us but he doesn't want to help with anything!  (

[jszy10]

I honestly do think that the minor breakdown I had about it really showed him how much it means to be that he be involved a little bit.  Since then he has been a bit more receptive to hearing about things and giving his opinion.  He went and registered with me this past weekend without me even really asking!
 

Originally Posted by Vic0214 

I know how you feel I feel the same way! My Fiancee wants nothign to do with it. i 've been doing everything and it kinda hurts me. I feel like he dosn't really care about anything.
 

[merrylee]

I think I am one of the lucky ones.  He wants to be involved and will do anything I ask of him, but it has to be like an eye doctor's appointment.  Only 2 choices at a time.  Do you like this one or this one?  And then get the 3rd choice in after he picks one of the first 2.  He gets overwhelmed by too many choices.  He's that way with everything though.    My inspiration board has a pink shirt for him to wear and he's like you really want me to wear a pink shirt?  And I said no but I wanted to see if you were really looking at it or just saying looks nice.  Ha! 

 

He wants to be involved, but only when I tell him to be. 

[Vic0214]

That's amazing! I'm still trying to get mine to register with me. He's been a little more receptive after i got mad at him and didn't speak to him. He starting to realise how importnant this is. I think to be honest with you he's scared. His parents got a divorce when he was young and i think that scared him to commit.

 

Originally Posted by jszy10 

I honestly do think that the minor breakdown I had about it really showed him how much it means to be that he be involved a little bit.  Since then he has been a bit more receptive to hearing about things and giving his opinion.  He went and registered with me this past weekend without me even really asking!
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vic0214 

I know how you feel I feel the same way! My Fiancee wants nothign to do with it. i 've been doing everything and it kinda hurts me. I feel like he dosn't really care about anything.
 

[redginger]

Glad to hear that your fiance is being more helpful and responsive!
 

Originally Posted by jszy10 

I honestly do think that the minor breakdown I had about it really showed him how much it means to be that he be involved a little bit.  Since then he has been a bit more receptive to hearing about things and giving his opinion.  He went and registered with me this past weekend without me even really asking!
 

 

[Jamaica2012]

So my FI told me a couple wks ago that he refuses to do engagement pics because he thinks they are pointless.  Well I begged him and pleaded! He still refuses and after I thought about it more I realize that he does have a point,  but I just want these pretty pictures.  We do we have many nice pictures of us and I think he just doesn't like posing and doing weird things for the pics. But I'm not giving up. I keep hinting to him and I won't lose hope! :-) but I have to realize that I can't make him do anything and guys will do whatever they want.

 

But tonight he did randomly ask me what I thought of a resort that his mom and I are considering booking for our destination wedding.  That was nice! Makes me appreciate when he does get involved. 

[baileybutton]

For guys who are not really interested in the planning process (cause mine wants as little as possible to do with it) send him to the website www.theplunge.com it a very funny website for guys who are thinking about proposing or that have already proposed. Someone else posted the link on BDW one day and I spent hours reading the website. It gives a totally fresh perspective (male) on the wedding planning process!