Should I send invitations to.....

[royfa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by akh i sent them to everyone even if i knew they couldn't attend. mainly just because i wanted them to get the official invite, but also because they might change their mind (and a couple did!)

That's true, some of them may change their mind!

[michelle08]

I sent save the dates even to those people who had already told me they couldn't come. I am also going to send formal invites to all the same people who got save the dates! Mostly because I am not spending much money on the invites at all! I am going to buy those ones from oriental trading I think that are blank and I can print my own stuff on them. I think it's like $20 for 50 or something cheap like that and I only am inviting like 50 people.

 

If I had alot of invites to send and I was actually spending money on nice ones, I may think differently? There are some distant family members who aren't getting invites at all and will get an announcement after we are married. It's hard, but I agree that some people would like to have it to keep or feel special about being invited. Afterall, it's not always because they didn't want to come..sometimes it's just because they really can't!!!

 

However...looking back my really good friend ( I was supposed to be in her wedding in Hawaii last year but I was in a bad financial position and couldn't go) didn't send me an invite...only a save the date?

[MsShelley]

I sent my STD's to everyone, I really only sent invitations out to all family and friends that actually said that they were coming... I just didn't think it was reasonable to send invites to everyone, especially when they already made it clear that they weren't going.... just my two cents...

[royfa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by beachbride I sent my STD's to everyone, I really only sent invitations out to all family and friends that actually said that they were coming... I just didn't think it was reasonable to send invites to everyone, especially when they already made it clear that they weren't going.... just my two cents...

I think I'll do that! I'll send STD's to everybody and I will only send the invitations to those who are saying the're coming!

[jak27]

I think it's pretty much like this: you should just have a final guest list and those people all get the Save the Date and the official invitation, no matter what.

 

I think if you don't send them an invitation, it makes them feel bad that they're not attending. Plus some people really want to attend, and would feel left out.

 

And some people just like changing their minds!

 

I say, stick with etiquette, shell out the extra $$ and send everyone on your guest list the invitation.

[starchild]

Quote:

Originally Posted by beachbride I sent my STD's to everyone, I really only sent invitations out to all family and friends that actually said that they were coming... I just didn't think it was reasonable to send invites to everyone, especially when they already made it clear that they weren't going.... just my two cents...

I kind of also think that for the people who said no to the std's for financial or other difficult reasons, it kind of stinks to get an invite after it was hard enough to have to bow out the first time around. Of course this wouldn't apply to everyone, but we invited people who were wrenched with guilt about not being able to make it. I think sending them something again, a few months later, would kind of rub the salt in the wound or imply that their first "no" didn't settle well with us and maybe they can reconsider. If they reconsider on their own terms they know how to reach you. I don't know how much sense that makes but that's what I think )

[jak27]

I kind of also think that for the people who said no to the std's for financial or other difficult reasons' date=' it kind of stinks to get an invite after it was hard enough to have to bow out the first time around. /QUOTE']

 

Totally see your point! Maybe a nice note in the invitation would let them know you're still thinking about them, but not pressuring at all, but still wanted them to be included b/c they're important in your life?

 

Just a thought?

[rodent]

I'd prefer to not get the invite if I already said I wasn't going. We get save the dates for out of state weddings all the time from people we never talk to. I send them back & check that we are not going. Then later on we get an invite. I always feel like it was a waste of their money and sometimes it feels like it was just a gift request.

 

grandmas & close family are different. grandmas love invites. They like to hang them on the fridge and then later put them in a box to save forever. I had also planned on giving our grandparents OOT bags if they don't go. My grandma still has the dollar store candle from my cousins wedding & the birdsead from my stepsisters. She'll take extra bells if they are the favor. She'll love an OOT bag.

 

I also like the idea someone posted earlier (sorry, I didn't click quote) about sending those guest a different letter. I don't think everyone should have to do this, but I think it's really nice.

[starchild]

Jill I think that would be a lovely way to keep them included without making them feel worse )

[jak27]

Oh, and I guess I didn't realize that some people put RSVPs on their Save the Dates, which changes things a bit. I guess if you've already "technically" RSVPed "no" it would be awkward to get another invitation. Didn't even think about that one! Our Save the Dates just asked people to put the date on their calendar and didn't have a committment requirement.

 

I thought yall were talking about people saying "no" by just telling you in conversation or something informal. Totally different situation!