What's the Etiquette for this Situation?

[bmadzia1]

Real friends look at these things.  Ok, ok.. I get it that your wedding day is YOUR day, however, if my friend was getting married on the 'other date' I'd make sure that this would be the #1 reason for not picking that date, and then perhaps mention that the cousin is getting married the following weekend.

 

don't consume yourself with her selfishness... just go on about your wedding and when you get her invite, then you can decide what you RSVP.  Not worth the stress!

[QueenDiva]

I don't know... I know it's easy to get caught up in your own wedding but I just think it's some things you have to go a little easy on. Your friend is having a day of her own. I understand she may have booked the 1st venue that she saw, but I honestly don't understand what is wrong with that. A venue is kinda like the man of your dreams- you know when you know, lol. I can't think of getting married anywhere else other than where I'm getting married at. And I decided that the first time I saw it- didn't even want to look at anything else! I loved it so much, I actually planned the wedding date around the venue's availability! So, I kinda understand your friend. I have made so many concessions for people that I wanted so badly to come to my wedding, and I am beyond disappointed with so many people right now. Now I see why many say "the wedding is for the bride and groom". Maybe it doesn't sound right to some, but I can't see myself changing from the venue I have now because one of my best friends can't come due to her going to another wedding...I wouldn't be mad at her, but honestly there is no way I would change it especially knowing what I know right now & experiencing the disappointment in family & friends that I'm experiencing right now.

[cookiemunchkin]

While I dont think its so bad that she booked her wedding on a weekend you are unavailable for (when you have family members and wedding party to worry about, its inevitable that any given weekend isn't going to work for someone or another), I do see why you're upset with her reason for not going with date number two!  I would hope that your wedding already being on that date would be her top reason not to choose it, and am really really hoping the words just came out of her mouth wrong.  Either way, you two have been friends a long time and its going to start eating at you if you dont get it off your chest and talk to her about that comment... so I really think you need to talk to her about it.  Best case, the words came out of her mouth wrong and she'll have the chance to clear things up with you -- worst case, you'll be able to get your feelings off your chest.  Either way, you'll feel better after you talk to her.  Thats just my two cents though! 

 

Originally Posted by BeachBridein11 

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

So I sucked it up and went to the planned celebration.  Honestly, I was feeling better with the whole situation, just had the hurt feeling 'cause I knew I was going to be missing my friend's wedding.  Well she confirmed that she booked July 30th for her wedding, at the same time confirming that it was the only place she looked at/called on.  Okay, okay so it was happening, I was fine with it.

 

THE KICKER!!!!!!!

 

She went on to say that the only other day available was June 17th (my wedding date!).  She pointed out that it was my date, BUT right after she said, "We were going to go with the 17th, but my cousin is getting married the following weekend and we didn't want our families to have to go to 2 weddings in a row."  Are you friggin kidding me?!  That was her reason?!  The fact that it was my wedding date didn't deter you away from the date!!!!!  OMG I am so livid!!!!!!  It has definitely put me in my place on where I am in her eyes!!!  Yup, she seriously downgraded!!

 

UUUUUUGH!!  BTW, she still hasn't told me that she isn't coming to my wedding.... just heard it through people.

[LMango]

Wow, I was right!! She is a d bag!!

 

 

[QueenDiva]

Yeah, I agree with cookiemunchkin- I don't like the reason she had for not choosing the alternate date, but I like to give folks the benefit of the doubt- maybe the words came out wrong- that happens to all of us! But, it's not worth throwing your friendship out over. I would get it off my chest.

[rpingree001]

I will say - going through the wedding process, you really learn who your great girlfriends are and appreciate them.   I have one guest who got engaged after us and her fiance wanted to get married before, she said no - we will not steal the spotlight and have scheduled their wedding for 4 months after ours .  She will be coming to mine and I to hers! 

 

[QueenDiva]

 

 

Originally Posted by rpingree001 

 

I will say - going through the wedding process, you really learn who your great girlfriends are and appreciate them.   I have one guest who got engaged after us and her fiance wanted to get married before, she said no - we will not steal the spotlight and have scheduled their wedding for 4 months after ours .  She will be coming to mine and I to hers! 

 

You are so right! My maid of honor is such a disappointment to me! She's known about the wedding for 16 months and just ordered her dress this month which takes 4-5 months to come. Down payments of $125 for the airline ticket was due October 18th- of course she didn't pay it, I did and she hasn't paid me back... the final room payment for the resort was due December 15th, she hasn't paid A DIME and all my rooms were due to be booked by this month! I am so pissed. She goes out all the time, but all of a sudden can't give up a dime.  But I digress, sorry. A wedding really does show you who your real friends are.

 

 

[rpingree001]

I hear you QueenDiva - I have a friend like that as well.  I'm sorry that its your Maid of Honor.  That's so disappointing.  You wait your whole life for this day to come and you feel like its a huge burden to your friends.  I hope your MOH pulls through in the end and supports you the way she should on your big day!!!! 
 

Originally Posted by QueenDiva 

Quote:

Originally Posted by rpingree001 

I will say - going through the wedding process, you really learn who your great girlfriends are and appreciate them.   I have one guest who got engaged after us and her fiance wanted to get married before, she said no - we will not steal the spotlight and have scheduled their wedding for 4 months after ours .  She will be coming to mine and I to hers! 

 

You are so right! My maid of honor is such a disappointment to me! She's known about the wedding for 16 months and just ordered her dress this month which takes 4-5 months to come. Down payments of $125 for the airline ticket was due October 18th- of course she didn't pay it, I did and she hasn't paid me back... the final room payment for the resort was due December 15th, she hasn't paid A DIME and all my rooms were due to be booked by this month! I am so pissed. She goes out all the time, but all of a sudden can't give up a dime.  But I digress, sorry. A wedding really does show you who your real friends are.

 

[MyPaperProposal]

I'm going through the same thing with my MOH!  When I first got engaged, she was so excited for me, and just seemed really happy to help me plan everything.  Then, when it has actually come time for her to really come through, she's a total flake.  she can't afford anything and her car isn't working, but then she runs off to vegas at least once a month.  I think it might have something to do with the fact that she just broke up with her longtime boyfriend a few months ago.  I'm trying to be understanding, and I'm long past the point where I'm not expecting much from her anymore, but it's definitely affecting our friendship more and more.  We're actually not speaking right now (because of something completely unrelated to the wedding) and if things don't change, I'm not sure what'll happen.  Ugh.  I'm trying to not let it ruin the experience for me though, as much as I possibly can.

 

It's nice to vent. Thanks for listening, ha!

 

~ Sarah

 

2.5.11

The Royal Playa Del Carmen, Mexico

[QueenDiva]

@rpingree- it is very disappointing! I'm really ready to be done with her.

 

@ Sarah, vent away girl!