Irritated with DH

[islandbride8]

Ever since deciding to have a DW i was all about having the legal ceremony down there for various reasons (mainly b/c i was worried I would get there and not feel like it was my wedding day).  My FI parents cannot attend for health and financial reasons (we knew this from day 1).  I started thinking about it and felt really bad that his parents wouldn't be there and no mater what he says i knew it sucked for him.  So i decided to get over my selfishness and suggest a courthouse ceremony here and then the symbolic ceremony there.  Here I am thinking I'm being some great fiance, but then he says "well if we do that, what's the point of even having the symbolic ceremony?"  I'm sorry but WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?!  do i really need to tell you the importance of a wedding day full of flowers, family, wedding dress, ect to anyone???  Well apparently i do to the man I'm going to marry!  I'm soo irritated by this.  I know i should get over it, but i was really hurt.  I was compromising and thought i was surprising him with this awesome idea to include his family and then I feel like i was slapped in the face.  I should mention that my mom has been trying to get me to do the symbolic for months now to save $$$ and i have refused because i hated the idea.  Here i am trying to think of him and put my feelings aside only to have him ask "what's the point of the actual wedding?" 

 

Thanks for listening!

[TLGnhci]

Men, they just don't understand!! 

 

Sorry your FI dissappointed you.  Guys just DO NOT think the way we do, and they look at us like we're looney for obsessing over all the wedding details the way we do.  Hopefully he will give it some thought and realize what you were sacrificing. 

 

I feel the same way about the symbolic ceremony.  On one hand, I think having the legal ceremony already done may save/help me out with some tears and the ceremony in Mexico could then be in English.  But, like you said, I want my wedding day to be the time we are joined as one.  Tough decision there. 

 

Good luck. )

[dcairns]

Men don't understand, or maybe under it all he felt bad that his parents can't come after all and was just lashing out. I would talk to him about it in an adult fashion. Just so you clear the air. You don't want to be having any ill feelings on either one of your wedding days.

 

To save money, i decided to have a legal wedding at home.. seriously just paperwork. But then people got insulted because they were paying to join me and see me get married and actually said they would cancel! So i'm lying, doing the legal marriage here (its just a paper) and my "real" wedding will be done technically symbollically but no one knows except my moh and us... and thats that. 

 

I've learned you can't please anyone, but you should talk to your FI about it. .. just so its all eezy breezy between you guys.

[karyan]

aw boo! Men really just don't get it sometimes....my FI is kinda the same in the sense that I offered to do a legal ceremony in Australia so that his family (most can't come to the DW) could attend and then I could just do my name change and get any Aussie passport before heading over. 

 

But then his concern was "Well if we're just doing it here then why bother doing it in Hawaii??"

 

*sigh* I don't care that much, but I do understand what he means. We're just going to do it for real in Hawaii

[islandbride8]

My mom and i were discussing this on the way to go dress shopping this past weekend.  My Aunt was with us and I told her we weren't sure but, may do the legal thing here first.  She was like "then why don't you just go to the DR for your honeymoon.  You'd get more presents.  May not get presents if you still have the wedding down there!"     Really?! did i say i wanted a courthouse wedding or did i say i wanted a destination wedding with legalities taken care of here first!!!!!!!!!!!!  I just sat there and didn't say a word.  I love her dearly and know she was coming from a good place, but i wanted to slam on the breaks and cry!  And presents?  who mentioned presents???  i didn't even plan on having a shower until SHE said we should do one!  I'm dumbfounded.  if no one wants to come THEN DON'T COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    I have cousins who got married here in the states and were legally married before the ceremony for insurance, ect and no one said a thing.  I'm over it.  I'm not here to please anyone but myself and FI.  I don't think people understand.  I'm sorry you're having the same issues with family!
 

Originally Posted by dcairns 

Men don't understand, or maybe under it all he felt bad that his parents can't come after all and was just lashing out. I would talk to him about it in an adult fashion. Just so you clear the air. You don't want to be having any ill feelings on either one of your wedding days.

 

To save money, i decided to have a legal wedding at home.. seriously just paperwork. But then people got insulted because they were paying to join me and see me get married and actually said they would cancel! So i'm lying, doing the legal marriage here (its just a paper) and my "real" wedding will be done technically symbollically but no one knows except my moh and us... and thats that. 

 

I've learned you can't please anyone, but you should talk to your FI about it. .. just so its all eezy breezy between you guys.

[islandbride8]

 

 

Originally Posted by karyan 

 

aw boo! Men really just don't get it sometimes....my FI is kinda the same in the sense that I offered to do a legal ceremony in Australia so that his family (most can't come to the DW) could attend and then I could just do my name change and get any Aussie passport before heading over. 

 

But then his concern was "Well if we're just doing it here then why bother doing it in Hawaii??"

 

*sigh* I don't care that much, but I do understand what he means. We're just going to do it for real in Hawaii

 

Why don't boys realize we've planned this milestone since we could talk?!?!  I remember putting toilet paper in the back of my shirt and running through my Grandma's house like I was wearing a veil!  Oh well... I keep telling him "happy wife = happy life"  i think he's slooooowly starting to catch on!

 

[dcairns]

I hear you, but resigned that i'm doing the legal thing here to save money and to have my cermony in English (otherwise it would have to be Spanish and English) I'm saving lots of money by going down this route. Only a few people know and thats that. I know you originally wanted to do it to include your FI's family, if he's not into it. Then the effort should be realized and just do it all down there.

 

I love all my family, but have learned that too many people are making their opinions known and I've stopped asking them or thanked them for their opinion and do whatever I want anyway!

[islandbride8]

I sat down with him and explained why I wanted what I wanted and he was very understanding.  He agreed this is the better option so we are going forward with legalities here and symbolic there!!!!  YAH!!!

[schmizer]

I'm glad you worked it out!  Sometimes it just takes some time to get them to see your point of view:)