Dealing with family...

[kellymiller]

I'm so sorry everyone is going through this. We have sent out the save the dates and have booking info on our website, but haven't heard any grumblings yet. I'm sure we will get some rude comments/people dropping out as we get closer to the date but I'm going to be optimistic (for now anyways!). We will definitely be using the "we totally understand if you can't come" line on anyone who tries to cause drama. As long as my FI and I are there, that is all that really matter!

[acw271011]

We have known we wanted a cruise wedding with as many people who can come as possible and have made this known to friends and family since October 2013. Our wedding is October 2015!!! My best friend just basically threw in the towel almost immediately when we made it official and picked a date and said she wont be attending because of cost and decided at the same time, that we just shouldn't be friends. Said I was expecting too much of her... I think something else was going on there but who knows... We decided on a 4 day cruise to Mexico. Something close by, no immediate family would have to fly anywhere (unless they really wanted to i guess). We are going the cheapest route I feel for a DW. So this obviously really upset me. 

 

Now, we are hearing all sorts of behind the scenes drama from HIS family. His brother who has 4 kids doesn't want them to be in the wedding because of the additional cost. His sister lost her job recently and is freaking out about the cost. And they are all complaining about it behind our backs! We had a sit down lunch with just the parents to finalize the dates before we put money down and they present me with a printed out list of everyone's financial concerns. Basically they are comparing cost to his sister's wedding that was held in April locally. I mean they were including cost of all the parties and gifts and clothing and everything they spent on her wedding up to the very day and they think I want everything the same. I will do my best to accommodate and help where I can but I'm no millionaire. I can only do so much. I feel like I am being made out to be some horrible evil story book character because we want a cruise ship wedding. Oh and don't even get me started on the comments made about my pinterest board! Heaven forbid I "like" something or if I think something is cute and pin it. Doesn't mean I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!! Anyways, the way I see it, it's not just a wedding, it's a vacation with our closest friends and family. It's a chance for all of us to be together for a period of time uninterrupted and for the 2 families to come together as one. 

 

Since the talk, we have decided to only have one attendant each (his sister and brother), no flower girls or ring bearers, no ushers. And we have even offered to pay for her dress, his suit and whatever else we want them to wear on that day. That should help with the financial burden but I feel like I am giving up way too much... It's like I'm losing control of my entire wedding ideas and dreams. I don't know what to do. I kind of feel like eloping is our best option right now.  Sorry for the extreme amount of venting but It's upset me so much. Has anyone else had this insane amount of drama this early in the game? Is this a bad sign for whats to come while planning this wedding? I thought planning a DW was less stressful and less drama.... 

 

I can definitely sympathize. We ended up just the 2 of us. It was tough to swallow, and we lost friends over it that we've never spoken to since our AHR, and I only invited them to be polite (not that it mattered). The drama just got too much and it nearly split us up because we were arguing about it constantly. My other half at one point said that if that was what getting married was all about he didn't want any part of it.

 

In the end you have to do what is right for you! You two are the only 2 that matter in the whole deal, and if you decide that taking off by yourselves is what's right, then do it. It's hard because we always want everyone to be as happy for us as we are, and it just doesn't happen.

 

Good luck!

[solvi705]

I feel your pain, we just announced that we want a small and intimate DW because that's all we can afford, and both our families are complaining about us not wanting everyone there, when really it's just a matter of cost. I initially only wanted it to be just the two of us, but his mom really threw a fit over it, so we decided to invite just our parents. We may have a small dinner/reception for friends n family at home before or after the wedding, but we don't really know of we can afford it, I don't want to get into debt just so I can throw everyone else a party.

 

I feel that it's your wedding, your day, so you have the right to make it whatever you want, wherever you want. People will complain no matter what, so just do what you have always wanted to do. I think in the end, all that matters is the 2 of you

 

 

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[ASAtobe]

Whenever we tell our family members where we are having our wedding their first response is oh so you must not want alot of people to come....We want everyone to be there!!! But we understand if you can't make it! Most people find it horrifying to think of getting married in Mexico. Our wedding is about us. HOwever I am a soft hearted person so whenever I hear that I get sad and doubt my decison. My FI is always like forget them! If they really wanted to come they could but they write it off automatically and don't even look at how cheap it actually is! Especially how long they have to save!!

[atennille]

We all have those people in our families, I just choose not to deal with ignorance.

[Tatimrivera]

I think everyone comes across these issues when they decide to do a DW. Fortunately for my FI and I we stuck to what we wanted. It was tough but ultimately we decided it's "our day" and if our family can not appreciate that decision then they do not have to waste their money or ours.

I'm the type of person who bends over backwards for everyone in my life but planning this wedding has opened my eyes to true friendships and family.