Dealing with family...

[GingerJ228]

I'm glad I found this thread.  I haen't gotten any pushback yet from guests, but I am totally going with "we totally understand if you can't come" if anyone starts complaining. 

We are telling people the same thing and not letting them feel pressured in any way.  We totally understand if people can't make it to our wedding.  Its hard to keep in mind that even if people can afford to attend they may not want to make their vacation our wedding. 

[loquaciouspunky]

I'm glad I found this thread.  I haen't gotten any pushback yet from guests, but I am totally going with "we totally understand if you can't come" if anyone starts complaining. 

exactly this. I am not going to force anyone to come. I'd probably be hurt if they started making excuses considering how much I spent attending all of their weddings, but in the end, those who want to be there will be there.

[shellsal]

I think i was near a total melt down last night when my FI's aunt called him and told him that she was already planning (meaning she didn't book anything yet) on going to Italy this summer and she cant afford to do both trips and if we can change it to next year. Seriously? We told everyone as soon as we got engaged (more than 6 months ago)  that it would be a DW. Why would she think that we would move our wedding a whole year to accommodate her?  Sorry... needed to vent.

[Csonnel]

I totally agree that it is up to what YOU want for YOUR big day. People will complain no matter where you have it. Whether it be DW or at home, not everyone will be happy.

[rvalenka]

It's your day an it's impossible to make everyone happy. My goal is to please myself and my fiancé

 

 

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[liz24]

Sometimes I wish we would've eloped. The people I thought that would help have not :/

[Rainmaker]

We planned a DW on purpose so no one, including family would feel pressure into coming especially since FI's family doesn't really travel. We didn't want anyone to feel left out but knew since we were paying for this ourselves we couldn't afford a local wedding. We've actually had to start telling people "sorry, we are keeping this small" so people don't feel pressured to come. I think in the end we will have 12 people at the ceremony. All we cared about was having us and his boys there ... anyone else was on there own. We are having a small reception and paying for that for the guests who do come but aren't doing any of the other larger DW stuff. 

[CurlyKristen]

My bestfriend was the first problem I came across. She won't come to my wedding because we are having it in Mexico. She is too scared that she is going to be robed, taken hostage, or whatever else. My heart was broken for months over it. And since she told me she wasn't coming she has had no part of any of the planning and has barely talked to me.

 

Next problem was his aunts. They travel all over the world and go on lots of vacations every year but told us they weren't sure if they are coming or not because they don't want to leave his grandmother alone. Grandma is fine but I do understand she is older and may need one aunt to stay with her but there are three aunts and they all are married.

 

We picked a destination wedding so both of our families could vacation together and really get to know each other. We really do want one big happy wedding and that's what you have to stay focused on. No matter who comes, where your wedding is, at the end of that day you will be married to the man that has your heart and that's what is important or least that's what my friends keep telling

 

Happy planning,

Kristen.

[sarasam18]

We have known we wanted a cruise wedding with as many people who can come as possible and have made this known to friends and family since October 2013. Our wedding is October 2015!!! My best friend just basically threw in the towel almost immediately when we made it official and picked a date and said she wont be attending because of cost and decided at the same time, that we just shouldn't be friends. Said I was expecting too much of her... I think something else was going on there but who knows... We decided on a 4 day cruise to Mexico. Something close by, no immediate family would have to fly anywhere (unless they really wanted to i guess). We are going the cheapest route I feel for a DW. So this obviously really upset me. 

 

Now, we are hearing all sorts of behind the scenes drama from HIS family. His brother who has 4 kids doesn't want them to be in the wedding because of the additional cost. His sister lost her job recently and is freaking out about the cost. And they are all complaining about it behind our backs! We had a sit down lunch with just the parents to finalize the dates before we put money down and they present me with a printed out list of everyone's financial concerns. Basically they are comparing cost to his sister's wedding that was held in April locally. I mean they were including cost of all the parties and gifts and clothing and everything they spent on her wedding up to the very day and they think I want everything the same. I will do my best to accommodate and help where I can but I'm no millionaire. I can only do so much. I feel like I am being made out to be some horrible evil story book character because we want a cruise ship wedding. Oh and don't even get me started on the comments made about my pinterest board! Heaven forbid I "like" something or if I think something is cute and pin it. Doesn't mean I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!! Anyways, the way I see it, it's not just a wedding, it's a vacation with our closest friends and family. It's a chance for all of us to be together for a period of time uninterrupted and for the 2 families to come together as one. 

 

Since the talk, we have decided to only have one attendant each (his sister and brother), no flower girls or ring bearers, no ushers. And we have even offered to pay for her dress, his suit and whatever else we want them to wear on that day. That should help with the financial burden but I feel like I am giving up way too much... It's like I'm losing control of my entire wedding ideas and dreams. I don't know what to do. I kind of feel like eloping is our best option right now.  Sorry for the extreme amount of venting but It's upset me so much. Has anyone else had this insane amount of drama this early in the game? Is this a bad sign for whats to come while planning this wedding? I thought planning a DW was less stressful and less drama.... 

[1BeachBride]

@@CurlyKristen I had a similar experience with my best friend (of over 25 years who is single).

When she got our save the date she made a really sarcastic comment about going to the DR that hurt me deeply. I chose the high rode and never addressed it. My Fiance was pissed! Well then a phone call came about 9 months before the wedding. She was asking questions (but still not helping me in any way, shape, form or fashion). I answered, thinking nothing of it until all her feedback was very negative like 'Why are you doing that?... How come you want this?...etc'. I realized what was going on & told her I had to do something and would call her back. At that moment I realized she was not supporting my DW and it hurt me so I chose not to deal with her and upset myself.

I have only heard from her twice in the past six months (through text). She stopped calling me. She text to say, she is still going but will be by herself unless she finds someone to go at the last minute. I simply responded "No worries". She can translate that into whatever she chooses. For us, it meant we are not worried about her or whatever it is she is doing.

By the way, all our guests are booked except her! Fiance says "Don't even include her in the count because what best friend isn't booked 1 month before your wedding date...She's not coming!"

I want her there but I'm a realist. & I won't even be hurt if she doesn't come. I'd rather be surrounded by people who share in my happiness. I just really thought she would be one friend who would show love & support. Guess I was wrong!

@@liz24 Doesn't it suck when some people disappoint?  One of my friends has stepped out the picture for no reason. I was dumbfounded. Now I question our friendship.