Akward.... Wedding guest list?

[BarbieBride2011]

First let me say that I'm a newbie!!! So I'm uber excited for my Fall 2011 wedding next year- whooo hooo!!!

But there's a huge issue-the wedding guest list. My brother who I obviously will invite is expecting to bring his fiancee to the wedding although I thought he and I had an understanding that only HE was invited.

His fiancee doesn't get along with ANY of my family members. She is just ONE OF THOSE kind of people. I personally have had a terrible history with her too! Saying that we just don't get along would be a tremendous understatement!

 

Isn't it MY wedding? Shouldn't I have there who I want? Btw, my fiance' feels more strongly about her not attending even more than I do. How do I let my brother know this without causing any issues?

[JanineA]

Wow, this is a really tough one. On one hand I think your brother may be very upset especially since this is obviously not just a girlfriend but someone he has already promised to make his future wife. And on the other side I understand how you feel because it is your wedding and you should be able to invite who you want to however, in this case I think it may be unwise to not inviting her. Will you be attending your brother's wedding even though you can't stand her? Will your other family members also be attending his wedding out of love and support for him? I would say try to extend the olive branch and invite her....simply because if she does really marry your brother, this is your future sister-in-law, mother to your future nieces/nephews and not inviting her could leave a bad taste in her mouth for years to come, not to mention all the repercussions in the future. I would say avoid the war from now, but do talk to your brother and ask that he keep her in check and not ruin your day....after all he wouldn't want his day ruined either. As for the family members that don't like her, they are there to watch you get married not worry about her and her silly ways so simply have them ignore her. Its strange but when people don't have an audience to perform to they often act right. Good luck and I hope it all works out for the best. 

[BarbieBride2011]

Thanks. Great advice. I didn't really think of it in that way but you have a point as far as how she is going to be in my future regardless of how I feel about it. The interesting twist to this story though is that my brother doesn't care for his "fiancee" either! He admits that she is manipulative and annoying but that he just puts up with her. I don't even think he would WANT her to go, but would feel more obligated to invite her. Thanks for the good luck...I need it!

[JanineA]

Wow, that is a strange dynamic he proposed to someone he doesn't care for? Well I guess stranger things have happened. Like I said just be mindful of what the future could mean if you don't invite her, but I truly hope it all works out for the best and more importantly that you have the perfect day that you have always envisioned. 

[BarbieBride2011]

Thanks!

[msjesslee]

wow. I'm in a similar situation with my FMIL and her husband. We can't stand her husband. No one in our whole family (including the extended family) likes him. So we decided not to invite him. I think its hard on my FMIL but she gets it. In the end, its not about them, its about what you want. 

[Aumuller]

I understand where you ladies are coming from. I have a step-dad who I really dislike. Would I like to not invite him, absoloutely am I going to invite him, yes. Although you don't like a person if they are or are going to be part of your family I think you have an obligation to include them. You have to consider the role being reversed. What if for example you were going to a cousins wedding and they hate your husband, how would you feel if they weren't invited. Its just my opinion but sometimes you just have to suck it up for the sake of others.

[hamme]

I was just talking to my boyfriend about this topic. My aunt and uncle talk horrible about him (and everyone) to the point where my boyfriend really can't stand being around them. He actually avoids my family that he likes so that he wont see my aunt and uncle. We were talking about our future wedding and he said that he would only want a wedding with our immediate family only. He doesn't want my aunt and uncle there and he also doesn't want my family to out number his guests. So his solution is an 8 person wedding. Not exactly how I pictured it. Guess we will see what happens when we actually get engaged. Ugh- DRAMA!

[snow88]

I think it's a little strange to not invite a husband or wife of a close relative but I agree with Hamme's boyfriend in that I wouldn't invite the aunt and uncle either.  I have the same situation with my brother and sister.  I'm not inviting them because they said some mean things in regards to the nationality of my FI because they had bad experiences with someone from the same country.

[delgadot]

I think this topic is a very common problem. I do not care for my uncle, his wife or his youngest daughter and so I have chosen to not put them on my guest list however I do get along with his older daughter so it has left me in a situation where at first I was thinking about just inviting her and her husband but now I am leaning towards not inviting any of them... Urgh..it is difficult when there are people in your family you do not care for but feel obligated to invite!!