Need some advise encouragement...Update

[snow88]

We have been having so many things go wrong with people we I asked to be BM and MOH plus finances that I'm at the end of my rope.  The final straw is that the 2nd person that I asked to be BM called tonight and said that her brother died back home so she needs to go to the funeral.  No problem but then she says that if she goes then she can't go to my wedding.  I have paid for her dress which was custom made to fit her plus it will need altering still and I was planning on paying for her shoes.  

 

I'm feeling pretty down and depressed as it is because 1.  my FI was in an accident on Friday 2. His family is from Jamaica so they were affected by the floods 3. my father has been giving me a lot of problems and 4. finances are tight.

So I say well, with how things are going we might not be getting married in January anyway.  She say yeah, maybe you can move your wedding till June.  I thought that she would offer some kind of encouragement but tell me to put off my wedding till June with it just 3 months away.  

 

Anyway, I talked to my FI and he was very upset about her going back on her commitment to our wedding.  We can't change our wedding date for one person.  Problem is what am I going to do with this dress?  It's custom made for her.  I'm not even going to ask anyone else to be my BM.  I give up on that.  I'll just have a MOH.  My first MOH said she couldn't come because of work and the 2nd one said that she couldn't afford it.  Now, they both say they are coming.

[murmel]

Sorry that so many things don't seem to be working out right now. Take a deep breath and know that you will have a beautiful wedding no matter who manages to make it or not. I was so stressed about it at the start and now realize it's about things we can't control, so try to adjust and move forward. It sucks that you had to have a dress custom made. But you still have two wonderful friends who both are coming down to be with you! Can the dress be altered to fit one of them perhaps?

Good luck, and know you're not alone! Let us know how it goes.

[snow88]

I think the dress could be altered to fit both of my friends that I originally asked to be BM and MOH but one wouldn't wear it because she prefers longer sleeves but if the other friend goes I will ask her if she would consider it again and I can have it altered for her.

 

I will know by this weekend what will happen and I will update then.   Thanks for the encouragement.

 

[murmel]

For the girl who prefers long sleeve, you could always get chiffon sleeves added or a nice shoulder shrug. I am sure things will work out in the end! Sending positive thoughts

[msjesslee]

Hang in there. Things have to get better. 

[snow88]

Well, now she's saying that she "will come and make the sacrifice because she promised me'.  Then she said something about now she's not sure she would have the money because she has this other commitment in January that she has to pay for too.  

I told her that # 1- she shouldn't be paying for that other thing (it's complicated to explain).  The other thing is that this is something that she would have known about 1 year ago just like my wedding.  

 

Both FI and I think that she is trying to get us to pay for the whole trip for her.

 

I'm thinking of just telling her to forget it?  I don't have to have a BM right even though I have a BM and GM?

[murmel]

Your wedding is not worth the stress! Tell your friend you would be thrilled if she can make it, but understand if she can't. But then be firm and tell her, you have others things to deal with, and not to bother you with her problems. She also needs to make a choice! And don't get cornered into paying for her trip...destination weddings are meant to be special, and make the wedding easy for the bride and groom.

You have other wonderful family and friends coming, concentrate on them!

 

Good luck!

[snow88]

Thanks Murmel.  I don't think stress free is what I would call my wedding right now.     I'm going to speak to her as soon as we are finished dealing with some other issues.

[Sallee]

I think I would be tempted for sanity sake to say you can no longer have her as your BM as she cant commit to your wedding but she will still be welcome to attend should she be able to afford to do so........

[bride2be31011]

I agree with Sallee! I'm so sorry to hear you are having to deal with all of this stress!  It's too bad that we can't have friends anymore that commit and don't go back on their decision to make things difficult! I know things will work out great for you and that you will have a fabulous wedding! Just keep your head up and be strong! This is YOUR day!!!