My turn to vent!!!!

[Princess402]

I am feeling so freaking IRRITATED about the wedding lately and so down about so many things, espcially over this past weekend... no one big thing in particular but just all these little things that are just piling up, and making me understand why brides can often go "bridezilla" over the smallest thing, especially as the wedding day approaches! Apologies, this may turn into a long vent, but I just GOTTA let it out...

 

First off, I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear that I am having bridesmaid issues! Lol, uncommon problem on here on I know (-insert bitter sarcasm here-). Already my best friend since high school who was going to be my MOH bailed on the wedding. This was awhile ago, actually pretty much from the beginning of planning she was coming up with one excuse after another... I finally called her on it and asked what was really going on and she said she "just couldn't justify going into debt for me". Nice. Not that I want her to go into debt but she has NO DEBT. God she's the only person I know with savings, and basically this would have eaten up her savings. Anyways, I know, how people manage and feel about their money is a very personal thing so I tried not to be mad or hurt, but I still kinda was. And obviously just disappointed that she wouldn't be there, and frustrated that she couldn't try to find some kind of solution (by the way, we gave people over 2 years notice that we were doing a DW, over a year's notice as to when it would be, and our TA even is doing a payment plan for all of us... so I really felt like anyone who truly WANTED to be there could be there if they really tried). So fast forward to more recently: one of the other girls I asked to be a BM (my cousin who has been telling me how much she wants to come, but couldn't get her boss to commit to giving her the time off. She just started this job in the spring so I know sometimes it's tough, you don't want to ask for time off when you are new, but if she really wanted to come why didn't she arrange for this right from the start? She has been telling me all summer that she has been bugging her boss but couldn't get a firm yes or no answer, so I've been stressing this whole time wondering about buying her bridesmaids gifts, whether to order her a dress, etc... my wedding is 3 months away and is she even a bridesmaid?? Finally she tells me this weekend (Saturday) that her boss told her that she wouldn't say no, but that it would be a really bad time for her to take holidays and would rather that she didn't. So she can't come. I was like what, I heard she didn't say no! WTF, why is your boss' preference more important than my wedding?!? Especially when you told me that this job isn't even long term, it's just a stepping stone for you! I just feel so unimportant to them both, and so hurt.

 

So I was still bummed about my second bridesmaid letdown when I went to a wedding on Sunday... totally tried to just put my happy face on and get into good spirits and have fun. And in retrospect I did have fun, so I shouldn't act like it was all bad... but I'm worried/mad that I may have to rethink some of my music choices. Awhile ago now I had picked "Angel" by Jack Johnson to walk down the aisle to. I thought it was so beautiful and perfect, and not totally mainstream, kinda unique for a wedding. So the wedding is about to start and what do the bridesmaids and the bride start walking down the aisle to? Yup, Angel by Jack Johnson. I stared at FI, mortified. Like do I have to change my song now?? I thought he would say of course not, but he was like "yeah you probably should". UGH! Another song I picked to use was "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas, for after the ceremony when we all walk back down the aisle. Well they didn't use the same song for that, but they used it to start the reception. Doh! Now FI says that song is so cliche and we can't use it either. ARGHHHH! I feel like these people stole and ruined all my ideas! Okay I know that's dramatic, but that was how it felt.

 

Then Monday we went to FIs parents house for dinner because his grandparents were visiting from out of town. Minorly irritating only because his grandparents have no interest in his life whatsoever and are not coming to the wedding due to their age (even though there are people older than them coming!), so visiting with them always just seems like a waste of time. But FI always wants to please them or win them over or something. Anyways, so it comes up in conversation that FIs 12 year old cousin who will be at the wedding has her birthday the same day as our wedding. I think I have met her once, FI maybe a handful of times - we had no idea it was her birthday when setting the date. Grandma clearly has no interest in us or our wedding, but lights up with glee at the idea of us celebrating this girl's birthday at our wedding. Of course my FI offers, oh yes we could have a cake for her and everything! WHAT? I'm like yeah we can wish her a happy birthday, maybe play a song for her that she likes, but seriously, does she need to have a cake at the wedding... like what will she cut her cake right after we cut ours? I feel like maybe I'm being mean, and I'm not trying to be, but geez they are cooking up all these plans for how to make her birthday special at OUR WEDDING, yet the grandparents couldn't give a crap as to our wedding or how to make that special. Not to mention FI, god he has been so useless and argumentative lately with anything wedding related I want his help with...  yet reminds me often of how close the wedding is getting, and that I better make a list so I don't forget to do anything!!!

 

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  

 

and thanks for listening, whew

[DanielleNDerek]

1. Don't give Fi's gparents another thought.  My grandparents couldn't come because of their age and I was fine with that, I actually do think that's a reasonable excuse.  But if they have no interest in your wedding then don't let it bother you.  That's their loss not yours. 

2. I personally think it would be nice if you sang happy bday and maybe had a little cupcake come out for the 12yo's bday at your wedding.  You don't have to have her cut her own cake.  Just a little something will really make her day and I'm sure years from now she'll be talking about how cool it was to celebrate her bday at your wedding.  She's 12 so i'm sure her bday is the most important day of the year. 

3. I wouldn't change your songs.  You picked those songs for a reason and you like them.  Who cares if someone used them at their wedding.  And if your FI has a problem with it then tell him to come up with new song ideas.  I'm sure he'll agree to keep the ones you have after that.

4. Forget about the people who aren't coming to your wedding.  Yeah it sucks and its dissappoiting but don't take it personally.  Just focus on all the people who care enough to be there for your special day and F the rest.  Trust me they will be so jealous when everyone gets back from your wedding and are talking about how great the trip was and how much fun they missed out on.

5. And if your FI isn't helping then you need to ask him to help with certain things.  Just tell him your overwhelmed and you need him to pick out music, mail invites, etc whatever you think he can handle and take off your plate.  Some guys don't want to get in your way so they just step back and let you do everything.  He may not realize that you want his help so you need to directly ask for it.

 

Now go have a drink.

[loua4]

Hi, Wow! I feel for you! I am having issues with one of my BM's who just got married in July and it was all perfect until she came home from her honeymoon and now... well i am sure you can imagine. lol.

That sucks about your friend who didnt technically get a no. I would have been all over that! And said, Okay thanks so I am leaving from - this and gone to your wedding. As for the music. I would still use the blackeyed peas. where you want. but that sucks about the other song.

 

I understand the birthday thing too. My cousin is bringing her little girl on the trip and it is her birthday the day before the wedding and wanted to make our rehersal dinner a birthday party.... So said maybe just for lunch... I dont know. I might say okay to the dinner since it is not that actual wedding day. But for it to be on your wedding day HELL NO! that would so not happen. They can celebrate her birthday the day before or the day after. i would even be okay with everyone singing to her, but thats it.

 

Good luck with everything!!!

[Thomasjsgirl]

The ladies have good suggestions, except for loua4's thoughts on wishing the little girl happy birthday on your wedding day, lol! Sorry Loua4 . What harm could it do to put a cupcake down in front of her and make a tiny fuss about it being her b'day? It will make her smile, which will make everybody else smile, which will make you guys look pretty darned special too. I'm admittedly biased because I have personal experience with this issue, he he ... when one of my cousins was married, on MY birthday, he and his new wife surprised me with a full cake and carried it over to my table themselves! I was in my thirties and I still smile every time I think of it!

[lilly129]

Ohh - as for the little girl - I went to a wedding last July where it was a cousin's daughter who was turning 7 that day - the dj made an announcement and played a song for her, she was in absolute heaven and I don't think it took away from the bride and grooms night at all