Help!!! problems with a Bridesmaid :(

[loua4]

Hi everyone,

 

This seems so wierd, but I am soooo frustrated and I dont know what to do.

One of my bridesmaid is one of my closest friends (or I thought so) We met when my FI's bestfriend started dating her 6yrs ago. We really hit it off and started hanging out more than the guys did.

They got engaged last mothers day and then we did shortly after they did; a couple days after the canadian thanksgiving last year.

It was so much fun. I helped her with her planning, and she helped with some of mine. If she had issues or worries I would listen and try to help out in anyway I could. I wasnt in the wedding party, as she had other family obligations. And my FI was the bestman so that was fine.

She got married this past July and came back from her honeymoon a changed person,

 

2 days after she got back from her honeymoon we met and went for lunch and then went to get some of the things off her registry together, that she didnt recieve as gifts.

 

At that time there were a couple of things that were bothering me about the wedding, and at lunch she kept changing the subject and talking about her wedding that just passed and her honeymoon. I left it alone because I would have still been on that high as well.

 

Well it has been almost 2 months since her wedding and things are not any better. In fact I try not to talk about our wedding at all. We were having issues with people booking and then found out that the plane we were flying on was almost full. When I brought this up, she told me that our wedding is alot of money and james and i should not have any expectations..... bla bla bla.... and really any conversation that I have with her she just shoots me down. The only thing I could talk to her about was my first bridal shower.

 

She had begged my MOH and I to do it before her own wedding came about and she went nuts. It was fantastic and so beautiful. But she ran crazy with it. But that is over now, and she is even starting drama about that (so I hear from my mom, who heard from my sister-in-law (bridesmaid) who heard from either my MOH, or the trouble making bridesmaid)

She went crazy with spending money, and she is now expecting my MOH I guess to pay for it all, even though when she begged to do it, and my MOH asked if she wanted help at that time she was told no.

 

I am so sorry this is so long but I need to get it out.

 

On the day of the shower she barely said 2 words other than hi and this is what we are doing. She didnt even stick around after. Once everything was cleaned up she was gone. It was in my MOH's house. Ever since then we havent really spoken either.

My MOH and I also found saw that in a game that was played where all the wedding partys names were in it, hers was missing for some reason....

 

She is also causing trouble with my FI. James (my FI) was the bestman for her husband and james put a lot of time and $ into planning the bachelor party for him. He even had to book 2 days off work. They went on a camping trip for 2 days. Had a great time in the wilderness with the boys. lol

 

Now she is putting restraints on her husband on what to do, she doesnt want money spent out of their pocket, or time taken off, etc. James is super pissed. We are also doing a legal ceremony in our home town before we leave so that the family members who cannot come can see us get married. and because it is a week day she is not letting her husband take the time off for that and she said she wont be coming either.

 

There is only 3 months to go till our wedding and I am getting so frustrated. I dont want to say anything to her, just in case she decides that they are now going to stay home, which will mean no Bestman... but I dont know what to do...

 

Thanks so much for reading the whole story and for anyones advice in advance.

[clgriffi7]

Wow - I am truly sorry you are having to go through this...especially with only 3 months to go.  This girl really sounds like she has changed - that it was all about her when it was her wedding and now it is still all about her.  My hope is that your fiance and his best man can find a way to keep their relationship strong.  It sounds like a controlling situation where she is telling him he can't spend money or can't take any time off of work.  If she doesn't want to take off and come to the legal ceremony then okay, but how can she tell him he isn't allowed?!  Sounds like the best man needs to stand up to his new wife now before it is too late....

 

I wish you the best of luck and I hope there are some ladies that can offer you good advice (my wedding is still over a year out - so I haven't had to deal with this kind of drama yet).

[Susan'n'Dean]

I am with you on this one. My original bridesmaid peed me off, so i ditched her, which meant diching the best man too unfortunately. Luckily my FI doesnt mind not having a best man, and i am not taking another friend and her partner. As our party only includes 6 of us going out to Jamaica we dont really need to do the whole traditional thing of having to have a best man. We are only having a bridesmaid because i wanted one.

 

Before i asked my friend to be bridesmaid we got on really well. Like yours she is my FI's best mates girlfriend and we just hit it off as mates too. Once i had asked her and time got closer things started to change. My parents were paying for thier trip to Jamaica and so all they needed to pay was any little extras, but they took sooo long to show any real commitment moneywise and so i got fed up and said i just cant go ahead with it. We argued lots cos they couldnt see it from my point of view, and now we dont see each other or talk much at all. My FI and his mate are still ok and see each other regularly so thats good.

 

The way i saw it was...you need to be happy with every aspect of your special day, and if your not 100 per cent happy with somebody you have chosent to be in the wedding family, they have to go im afraid. All depends whether you are willing to fall out with a friend just to make your one and only wedding day what you really want it to be.

 

Susan x

[jenngene2011]

Wow that really sucks.  I think she is soo full of herself.  I am luck that I don't have that issue as my bridesmaids are my three sisters and his grooms men are his two best friends and my brother.  If she is putting restraints on her now husband and trying to ruin your wedding as she doesn't want to be upstaged.   Than I think she was never your friend to begin with.  If there is some issues with your FI bestfriend you should talk about with your FI and have him talk with his bestman. 

 

Good luck and remember it is your day!

[loua4]

Thanks guys.

Ya i cant have her not come and then not have a best man. That is my FI's absolute most best friend in the world. they have been friends since grade 3. I am just going to leave things as they are I think and that way nothing get ruined. but Ya it is super frustrating!

[MrsJones2Be]

That really sucks and honestly she sounds like a really selfish individual. Its lucky you found this out now before you fly off to your wedding. You only want people who love you around you for your special day and it seems like she may not be on that list anymore....Good luck!

[Susan'n'Dean]

Cant you still take her, so that the best man is there, but not have her as a bridesmaid?

[loua4]

no. i know her. if she is out, then so is he. i have hope, maybe this will pass.

[Susan'n'Dean]

I hope it works out ok for you. It makes things so much more stressful though. Let us know what happens, and if things get sorted x