Legal Wedding Before Destination Wedding... =(

[MDLady]

That's really great that so many people are excited to be in attendance for your ceremony.  HOWEVER, if you don't want that, you should totally tell them that, in no uncertain terms.  This is simply filing of the paperwork.  I told my friends that it will be literally 2 minutes of us signing the papers and that's it.  We didn't dress up, just had my parents there (my husband's parents live abroad and came to the wedding but obviously not the courthouse in the U.S.).  If I were you, I'd tell that them that if they cannot make it to the island wedding, that you will have something at home for those who couldn't attend the destination wedding!

[mimi73]

I am afraid of this happening too. FI and I haven't told anyone, except my mom and FI's sister. We are planning on doing the same thing as most of you. Just a quick signing of the papers on a weekday afternoon. Now we just have to find 2 friends that can keep the secret to be our witnesses. I think that will be the hardest part!

[MDLady]

 

 

Originally Posted by mimi73 

 

I am afraid of this happening too. FI and I haven't told anyone, except my mom and FI's sister. We are planning on doing the same thing as most of you. Just a quick signing of the papers on a weekday afternoon. Now we just have to find 2 friends that can keep the secret to be our witnesses. I think that will be the hardest part!

 

Your mom and his sister can be the witnesses.  My parents were our witnesses.  And if you don't have any, the courthouse will have clerks who will sign.

[mimi73]

The poopy thing is neither my mom or his sister live in the same town as us (or even each other for that matter!) We may just use the clerks, but I did want it a teensy bit more personal than that.... I think?! Who knows, but we had better decide soon!

[MDLady]

 

 

Originally Posted by mimi73 

 

The poopy thing is neither my mom or his sister live in the same town as us (or even each other for that matter!) We may just use the clerks, but I did want it a teensy bit more personal than that.... I think?! Who knows, but we had better decide soon!

 

Ahh, that makes sense.  Then I would invite someone who cannot make it to the wedding but swear them to secrecy under penalty of horrible punishment

[mimi73]

heeheehee, I'll try that!

[Teira1031]

I agree with everybody. Just tell people you really appreciate them supporting you but would like it to be with just immediate family. People should be understanding, that's just the technical stuff you real wedding will be in Mexico

[niajs]

Can you guys explain something to me? Is a wedding in Mexico, Jamaica etc not legally recognised in the US?

 

I kind of have the opposite dilemma to most of you. We're having our wedding ceremony in a church in Australia and it is legally recognised under UK law. However, as FI has recently started attending church at home with his 90 year old grandpa (who obviously won't be joining us abroad!) and has become friendly with the minister, we thought it might be a nice touch to have a blessing when we get home, perhaps in his grandma's room at her care home. I then thought of inviting my grandma (my only living grandparent) as she is also quite religious and would like to see us get "married" in front of a minister.

 

I'm worried that other people will find out and want to come, but I guess the only way to do it is to either keep quiet about it or to really play it down.

 

[Princess402]

Originally Posted by MDLady 

 

That's really great that so many people are excited to be in attendance for your ceremony.  HOWEVER, if you don't want that, you should totally tell them that, in no uncertain terms.  This is simply filing of the paperwork.  I told my friends that it will be literally 2 minutes of us signing the papers and that's it.  We didn't dress up, just had my parents there (my husband's parents live abroad and came to the wedding but obviously not the courthouse in the U.S.).  If I were you, I'd tell that them that if they cannot make it to the island wedding, that you will have something at home for those who couldn't attend the destination wedding!

 

     Quote:

Originally Posted by KRama 

 

We got legally married two weeks before our wedding in Mexico. Initially we just wanted our parents there, and then in it snowballed to our siblings plus their spouses, and then grandparents and before we knew it we had like 20 people who wanted to be there! So NOT what we wanted. We ended up telling everyone that we had changed our minds and decided to get legally hitched in Mexico. We then surprised our best friends by inviting them over for dinner, had the JP marry us right there in our living room and then the 4 of us hit the town and told all the bartenders we had just eloped and got free shots all night! It was completely casual (we were all in jeans), fun and NOT romantic...exactly how we wanted it to be! By the time the "real" wedding was over, no one even remembered that we legally got married at home. It's the emotions of the day that make it your wedding day, not signing a piece of paper!

 

My best advice is to keep down playing the whole thing by telling people it's just the paper work, like going to get a marriage license at the registry, and you'd really like that person to be there to see you in your white dress, full of emotions, on your wedding day. If all else fails, lie and say you're getting married at city hall and they only allow two witnesses.

 

 

My thinking is along the same lines as these two posters: I think you should really play it up as essentially paperwork and nothing more, and that you don't want it to be a big deal and take away from your "real" wedding. Explain that you need a couple of witnesses for this and so you've chosen immediate family that cannot attend your destination wedding, but that is all. And put your foot down!!!

 

FI and I are basically planning the same thing and have had to quash all sorts of ideas about our legal wedding being an actual ceremony that people will attend. Honestly, I would like to do this in my sweat pants on a street corner, that's how romantic I want it to be! To me, it's really just paperwork. If I could, I wouldn't even say vows or kiss or anything. Just get the legal stuff done. I have no idea who we will choose as witnesses - I am tempted to just grab strangers off the street and offer them money to witness, lol. I want all of the oohing and awwing and joy and tears to be saved for our wedding day in Mexico

[Ellabaja1983]

 

 

Originally Posted by niajs 

 

Can you guys explain something to me? Is a wedding in Mexico, Jamaica etc not legally recognised in the US?

 

I kind of have the opposite dilemma to most of you. We're having our wedding ceremony in a church in Australia and it is legally recognised under UK law. However, as FI has recently started attending church at home with his 90 year old grandpa (who obviously won't be joining us abroad!) and has become friendly with the minister, we thought it might be a nice touch to have a blessing when we get home, perhaps in his grandma's room at her care home. I then thought of inviting my grandma (my only living grandparent) as she is also quite religious and would like to see us get "married" in front of a minister.

 

I'm worried that other people will find out and want to come, but I guess the only way to do it is to either keep quiet about it or to really play it down.

 

 

No, the weddings done in a foreign country are not considered legal in the US, unless a lot of paperwork is completed with the State Department here in the US.  So, for this reason, anyone getting married in a foreign country, that is from the US, it would have to be done legally in the States either prior to the wedding (and then a renewal of the vows can be done in Mexico, Jamaica, etc) or after the wedding.  If it's done through paperwork with the State Department, that's a completed different story...one of which I do not know much about because FI and I have decided to get married prior to going to Mexico.